Femstronaught needing help.....

Hmmm, I would recommend the same thing I would recommend a guy do. Don't tell him specifics as to what flavor or porn you looked at, that will only fuel the comparisons and insecurities. Do tell him that you're committed to beating it. Tell him you're serious about turning it around, and what steps you're taking to do so. Understand that he is hurt though, and allow him to be. There are programs like covenent eyes or safe eyes that send a list of your online activity to a partner, which may help rebuild trust, if you wanna go that way. (it may be better to have someone else see your exact specific websites though, but him knowing you're doing that could help)

Here are are a couple articles that may be helpful
http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-do-i-tell-my-new-girlfriend (although its obviously written to males)
http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-with-a-partner

 

Were it me, I'd want you to tell me that you've joined this site because you want him. Fantasies can't compare to reality. You don't want a porn star, you want him. Ask him to help you and get him involved.
Cheers and Good Luck

 

come clean with your partner, it will liberate you from all the things you have kept secret, and also will help you to recover

 

Dear Sophie,

All so far are excellent recommendations. I am impressed with your courage. You spoke the truth to a loved one - perhaps one of the hardest things to do. If you are committed to him, and he to you, I would recommend that you find a counselor who will commit to helping you work through the porn and through the relationship. Some counselors are now trained to believe that porn is fine - that it's a good outlet, etc. What you need is someone who will help to achieve your goals (getting past or minimizing porn) or one who is trained to help sexual addiction. You do not want one who believes that occasional porn use is fine, or that it's a "healthy" thing. Does that make sense?

Also, if you experienced sexual abuse of any sort, you may want someone who is trained in that as well. If you're in the U.K, you might check out: http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/. I have never used the search engine, but it seems well-designed. Good luck.

 

I have no phyc degree, but I can tell you from experience that guys love to help sove problems. Ask him for his help in solving this and he may just dig into it (research etc). He will learn a lot along the way and feel great about helping you beat this.

 

I don't believe that PMO makes you got out and live out what you see on the screen in most cases. I've been a heavy PMO'r for the past 20ish years and never been sexually unfaithful despite being very tempted and feeling very sexually rejected in my relationships. While heavy PMO use is not great I feel it has made me much _less_ likely to cheat over the years.

If the porn your looking at is very much like the sex you have with your boyfriend and the guys you fancy most look like him that might be something you can say to him that would help (very tactfully). The female porn actors I'm most attracted to look just like my wife and the porn I watch is the same kind of sex that we have. Weird modern mainstream porn fetishes are a complete turn off for me.

Thinking about the porn that you're most attracted to also helps you find what turns you on. If you can find the right way to tell him than that's a big benefit for your relationship.

PMO might also be a refuge from aspects of your relationship that stress you out or turn you off. Identifying and working on these these will really help you both.