Boy... I went on a relentless run of not caring about my purpose, my walk in Christ, even my journey in the world! I was allowing porn to run amok throughout my life since I was 12/13 and it's time to put an end to this demon. I know what it does to me. It kills my desire to want marriage, my muscle spasms have increased because of my persistent masturbation throughout the days, my head sometimes throb and I know it's because of how I'm not taking this seriously. I relapsed pretty early in the morning (or the previous day) and I'm committed to starting this journey all over. Day 0! *Edit - I was meant to write Day 0 instead of Day 1. Oops!
Welcome Femi, and thank you for sharing. What are some things you are doing to be filled with Christ?
Thanks Zilean. I've been on NoFap for quite a number of years, been very inconsistent with my tracking and wanting to do better now. To answer "What are some things you are doing to be filled with Christ?", I'm trying to make myself go into church and not be lazy. A very bad habit I adopted during lockdown. I'm also putting in time to read/study my Bible instead of reading it for 2-3 seconds because I don't want my Bible Streak to die on YouVersion - again, that's not a good way to feed upon the Word of God. Those are just a few things I'm doing. Thanks for making me think here! I know there's more I'll be doing that I can think of much later. Thanks Tao
Day 1 - moments where I wanted to give in and I didn't (thank God!). As most of you know, the first few days are some of the absolute toughest! I also felt like I was under spiritual attack - whenever I want to read my Bible (or start reading it), I feel super tired. But tell me to play PS5 and I'll feel tired a lot slowly. Pray for me all please. I'm also on a journey to read a lot of the Bible stories, as I'm quite clued up with most of the Bible from the New Testament, but there's a wide gap of knowledge that's missing with Deuteronomy, 1 & 2 Kings and Chronicles, Nehemiah, Isaiah etc. so I want to have at least a very basic grasp of those stories. I mostly read in AMP but those stories I'll stick to NIV.
Day 2 - when I say that I felt under immense pressure to masturbate today, was when I knew that I'll be entering into a war over self-control that won't stop for a very long time. For context: whilst I was playing ToonTown, the thoughts of masturbation came to haunt my mind, to the point where I was so so sooooo close to giving in. What stopped me was putting on Christian music and reminding myself of the scriptures. One in particular I always run to is 1 Corinthians 6:18 where it talks about fleeing sexual immorality. I like the Amplified version as it adds "Run away from sexual immorality [in any form, whether thought or behavior, whether visual or written]" Saints - this is gonna be hard. I never realised how real the struggle is until today. I got seriously emotional at one point because the reality sunk in. Maybe about 8-10 times my mind has desperately wanted to succumb to the thoughts of pornography but I didn't give in. The reason why I say it's gonna be hard is because the attacks the enemy will deploy will be tougher as my resolve becomes stronger. I can't even navigate [redacted] without seeing something inappropriate. I deleted a popular social media app on my phone as that was a big trigger. The [redacted] part of that app shows you content you don't see on your actual page, and you can end up falling into sin. It's a trap. At some point, I will make a YouTube video on this talking about my victory. It WILL be eminent. This little porn monster is nothing compared to the Jesus we serve! Note: I put [redacted] so it doesn't cause people to be curious on what I'm talking about. Not trying to lead y'all to sin
When we become willing to do whatever it takes to break free, we will. This is how we live out Jesus's (hyperbolic) instruction to cut off our right hand if it leads us to sin.
100%! Very true. And heavy on the "hyperbole" from Jesus, can't believe people are literally taking it at face value lol.
Day 3 - Boy. Hanging in there. Full of energy at the moment. Confident it's between all the juice and coke I'm consuming and the Holy Spirit! Currently jamming to this tune:
Day 4 - Just as tough as Day 3. I didn't journal as I was wrapping up my work week as I am now officially on holiday until next week Tuesday. When you're a manager, you gotta ensure everything is set so your team can handle the work without you being present. Day 5 - I was SO CLOSE to relapsing. So so close. After riding the jetski (for the first time) and wondering in this beautiful park that is renowned for having Disney-like figures everywhere, I wanted to rest. I tend not to do well with going theme parks or anything that involves a lot of adrenaline; it kicks my body into overdrive. My guard was lowered as I'm resting on my bed with my Macbook on my side. I saw someone trending on Twitter so I decided to click. I-knew-I-should-have-NEVER-clicked. Knowing what I now know about Twitter since Elon purchased it; it has gone downhill. For reasons I don't want to explain; I'd rather not lead my family here down a dark rabbit hole & break their streaks. My mind the last few days keeps going back to the times where I want to do it, and I have to keep reminding myself of the dangers of porn, as well as having to reset my streak and having to own up to my fault. Not to forget... scripture!
Day 6! I was worried that the rain in Dubai was gonna keep me in my hotel, but fortunately it was nowhere like the monsoon a few weeks ago. Maybe the easiest it's been so far, and that's a blessing in itself. Keeping everyone on here in my prayers as we continue to conquer this beast that none of us want to be bound by anymore!
Day 7 Very very hard, no pun intended. But we're still abstaining! Only through the strength of God that I'm making this possible. My curiosity? I'm managing a lot better, as that's where I'm mostly led astray. Also I'm staying away from any trending topics that are entertainment focused on social media; you can't have a genuine laugh at what's happening without someone having to insert something sexual in the comments that can make your mind go somewhere it's not meant to be. As the Bible says: "Run away from sexual immorality [in any form, whether thought or behavior, whether visual or written]". It does suck, but what sucks more is sinning when it can be avoided. So, we keep pushing for holiness! My battle song:
