P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

I think what you say @Dave G 123 is right.

I spend time on Reddit and one or two other platforms and some of the stories are really sad. There was a guy in his late teens that decided to end his life last year. His family were religious and had found out that he was addicted to porn. On top of that he failed some of his exams. My belief is he felt as if he couldn't live with the shame or the ongoing symptoms and so he just decided to "call it a day."

Apologies to this space if at times my messages come across as cold or preachy. I genuinely find it difficult to understand why people insist they are the worst case, when there are real rebooters taking their lives because they cannot get away from the symptoms. Some of them are giving recovery all they have got despite having little to no friends or even family sometimes. So when I hear the mention of people being the worst case, I am genuinely trying to understand why they believe that, simply because the guys who probably are the worst cases, don't even think, say or realise they probably are.

 

Haven’t been here in a long time, which is a testament to how far I have come. I used to obsessively check this forum 10-20 times a day, and now I’m at a place where I forget about it for weeks at a time.

I’m 4.5 years clean now. Hit that benchmark on the 23rd.

I’m guessing this thing will take at least 5 years, for me. I have made a shit ton of progress, but I still have a ways to go, too.

I think that, as cynical as this sounds, younger generations are now joining the nofap ranks, and I’m not so sure about their ability to critically think and actually do the work required to learn about this addiction. Safe to say that many of the dudes here have read exhaustively about this stuff, starting with Gary Wilson and Gabe deem and then branching out from there. I just straight up don’t think these young kids do that sort of thing, so they just pop up on this forum, ask a bunch of easy to research questions, ignore the answers, and move on. This is just the cold reality of our world. Ask teachers and professors about this new generation— it’s bleak. Turns out technology isn’t so good for society. Who would have thought.

List of improvements at the 4.5 year mark:

-dreams are vivid and happen often. This is a bigger deal than i first believed
-I write fiction, and I’ve churned out around 300 pages of a novel
-I’ve been able to read fiction in short chunks. I can manage around 10 to 15 pages of dense fictional prose before I get a headache and run out of brain capacity
-very organized and clean—my apartment is so much cleaner dude. At the height of paws I’d go months without lifting a finger
-workout consistently, in great shape even as a 32 year old
-demand respect, I’m no longer a shadow of a soul.
-I barely have thoughts about past porn scenes
-social anxiety is way down, though still there
-ability to enjoy good weather
-more aware of what day it is, if that makes any sense
-far more consistent on a day to day basis—I used to wake up and be a completely different person than I was the day before
-have moments where I actually feel excited about things
-started working again and have moments when I actually feel like I’m getting something done. I feel for us so fucking much, because having to work without experiencing accomplishment is a tall motherfucking order. I remember going home after a days work and feeling so contented and worthwhile, and PAWs took that away so before these past couple months I’d work and only experience the stresses of the job without the feel good chemicals that accompany a job well done.
-I am slowly realizing just how much paws took away everything, and how deep of a hole I was and sort of still am in. Hard to know how dark things are until you start experiencing some light. This stuff is demonic and sucked all positive emotions out of my life.
-more things I can’t think of

I hope I only have 6 months left, but I’m open to it taking longer. There’s no going back, as many of you said. It’s either relapse or endure PAWs.

good luck to all and I hope to post a success story within a year. God bless.

for the young people out there who feel attacked by my statement, know that it’s a generalization and doesn’t apply to everyone.

 

Thanks for the update. Looking back to those 4.5 years, do you think there were lifestyle choices that slowed down your recovery (like gaming a lot or going to bed too late) and that you would do differently now?

 

I don’t think gaming and YouTube etc. slowed it down. During the first 3-4 years I just had to survive, and things continued to improve just by avoiding relapse.

nowadays I don’t think they would delay anything, but they make me feel bad in the moment, so I don’t do them. I have no Internet in my house and no smartphone, so I only engage with dvds books and music from my iPod.

what would I change? Not much. Less video games, but only because they always make me feel worse. But I also give them credit because at the start they helped me pass the time better than anything else.

 

no relapses. No masturbation. I had sex in the first year but it never once felt like a relapse.

I’m much sharper, as evidenced by what I said about reading and writing.

memory is much better. I’ve always had a good memory but I’m realizing that it has gotten much better.

libido is not great. I could have sex if I had the opportunity, but I still don’t feel much of that powerful pulling energy that signifies a healthy libido. I imagine that’s one of the last improvements.

thanks for the kind wishes sir.

 

• Could the dopamine from pornography and masturbation permanently damage, or burn, dopamine receptors

 

The dopamine receptors do not actually become damaged or it isn’t believed that they do. The dopamine receptors are down regulated by the brain.

The theory is that the brain becomes overstimulated by excess porn and masturbation so the brain reduces the number of dopamine receptors available.

Overstimulation basically causes the brain to reduce the number of dopamine receptors available. It is ultimately about desensitisation of the brain due to heavy porn use.

 

This is great news brother, thanks for the update. It's going to gives us hope and trust in the process. It doesn't happen overnight but with time, positive results start to show. We just have to keep going with the reboot.

How's the frequency of wet dreams? and do you feel they have an effect on your reboot when they happen?

 

The last one I had was in early March. I had like 4 in a span of 6 days. I don't think they delay anything, but they aggravate me when they happen because it feels like I made some sort of mistake, especially right after I wake up. But no, they didn't affect the reboot. I maybe feel a bit different on the day they occur, but if I do it's short-lived.

And thanks for the kind words.

 

I wonder what they would prefer to do after they recover. Get married and have a family or pursue their dreams with all their powers and the pain they have encountered acting as fuel.

 

Does anyone of you experience paranoia during flatline along with anxiety?

 

Yes, I would say anxiety is a signature symptom of the flatline for me.

 

How detrimental can smoking weed and drinking alcohol occasionally (let's say once a month) be, to paws recovery?

 

Earlier in my reboot I found that if I drink alcohol, for the following day or two my symptoms would worsen slightly. It was like a PAWS/hangover. Alcohol also bought up urges for me.

Personally I don’t think either are detrimental to a reboot, as long as it isn’t going to cause you to move towards PMO.

I am not a smoker but I would go as far as to say that weed every now and again could speed up recovery indirectly for some people.

 

Thanks for the great insight. Even i always experience that hangover or that tension or fog the next day after drinking alcohol.
With weed what I've noticed recently is that, i get really depressed the next day or even the day after that.
Even the effect of alcohol or weed as in the buzz or the high feels different, not as amazing as it should feel. I've noticed when i take a break for a couple of months and indulge in any of the 2 on any of my "good day" i enjoy it a lot more. Whereas when I'm already feeling like shit and then when i indulge, the substance just makes my head numb and i don't feel as drunk or high even tho i keep drinking more in hope of getting a good buzz. It's just that, that particular heaviness in my head keeps increasing.
Anyways i feel the less frequent indulgence the better.

 

Also one more thing that i keep thinking about a lot, which is also i huge question mark for me is that -
1. Once you recover i.e once you're out of paws, and your natural libido returns in full force, how much time should you wait before attempting sex or M for that matter. I'm always scared of falling back into the flatline after an O, when I'm out of paws. Because this has happened to me before, O put me back in flatline, and the libido that return when away again, this happened in the initial days.

2. Also what shall be the frequency of sex after recovery? And will there be a time where you recover so permanently that any amount of sex won't putt you back in flatline and your natural libido won't go away.

What my question is, that once you recover completely and you're out of paws, will all the benefits become permanent, and won't get reversed, provided you don't return to pmo? Will we be able to lead a normal life?

 

Yes, of course you will be able to lead a normal sexual and social life, those who have recovered are a testimony. If an orgasm brings you back to flatline, then you are not 100% recovered yet, but on the way to full recovery.
I would rule out alcohol and weed because it causes large spikes of dopamine in the brain, which is undesirable.