My journey began at the end of 2020. Just relapsed after 30+ days of SR with a few Peekings inbetween... Quick M+O and peeked at a picture beforehand. I wasn't even really feeling the high from O - felt more like empting your bladder after holding in for too long. Mental clarity (more or less) came back yesterday, headtaches stopped as long as wasn't fantasizing for too long, let alone peek. At the same time I only slept for like 6 hours, woke up tired and extremely stressed. Not sure if all of that is related to Withdrawals or loneliness.. Honestly, I don't know how to continue..Life is hell most of the time - even the most basic things - and I can already feel the slight headtache on the left sight of my brain and I know while not all progress is lost, symptoms getting worse the next week/s I just don't want to feel the chaser effect, the depersonalisation, derealization, mood swings, tiredness, energy-swings, lack of motivation and all the other symptoms anymore. that turn life into hell, JUST BECAUSE OF ONE MISTAKE, like I peeked at two pictures before hand, no binging, no fantasyzing and yet that's likely enough based on my experience.. I just need fucking rest, but can't ever get it, either it's Withdrawals or my biological imperative torturing me, like I feel genuinely burned out, despite trying to fill in all the other checkmarks in regards to health...Worst thing is, it stops me from ever getting my life together. Is the only way to live like a monk for 90 + days with no peekings a all? Because after trying for over 3 years, I think it just doesn't work for me...
The only way for me to stay free of PMO is to set clear boundaries around my internet use and avoid all social media. Keep coming back to NoFap. Eventually, you will find long-term abstinence from PMO. The only sure way to lose is to give up the battle.
Thanks dude, I don't want to fall into self-pitty, but when you've basically been feeling like shit for the last decade including the past 3 years i've been trying to do my best to change and still I feel being stuck, for doing small mistakes, while majority of people don't even have to do a third of the things i have to feel "okay", then it's difficult not to... not yet, but the headtache is slowly getting worse...No Chase effect so far, but most symptoms come back 2-3 days later, when I'm back to withdrawals... the worst is really the lack of mental clarity. How to be social - which according to dr.trish for example is the opposite of doing PMO ( isolating yourself) when you can barely compeherend things, suffer from depersonalization and a low baseline of dopamine? its so hard to create new healthy pathways opposing the pmo pathways, when your own brain does everything to not make it durable, let alone satisfying. Usually I have blocked pretty much everything but youtube, but since my router broke this week, i had to get my passwords back for my phone from my accountability partner in order to order a new one... Having access to erotic content always leads to a relapse for me. Usually peeking is the beginning of the end, while it doesn't always lead me to watch P, it activates the same pathways and intensifies the withdrawals to a certain degree - depending how long i've been abstaining before and then it ultimately leads to MO... This time I feel it was a combination of loneliness, low energy/ stress - which lead me to scrap routines and to skip the gym, the lack of distraction without internet, peeking and the fact I was abstaining for well over a month...Not because of the urges, they became durable after week 3 or so, but the feeling of fullness? I couldn't even sit straight for a prolonged amount of time, because of the pressure down there. hence i don't get how people can easily get past 30, 60, 90 days or even longer, I did a couple of times, but it was always a battle. I had to erase all sexual things from my life and keep my mind and body occupied all the time. which sucks when your brain hasn't reached balance, like there was days i barely managed to do basic stuff, yet the unease feeling down there remained.
Don't give up. I made first sincere attempts at recovery from my PMO addiction in 2008. It is 2024 now and I have 204 days of continuous abstinence from PMO. Internet blockers never worked, for me for some reason. I kept going back to test the boundaries for the blockers and eventually slipped. By God's grace, I am staying abstinent from PMO without blockers on my two phones one day at a time. I had other issues in addition to the PMO addiction: childhood trauma, manic depressive disorder (diagnosed), alcohol and drug addiction and others. If you keep coming back to NoFap, I believe that you too can recover.
Thanks dude. I'm just tired of everything you know? Not only because of PMO, but it's the main thing holding me back and just like you I suffer from other stuff as well.. Also update: Headtaches intensified, Chaser effect is definitely there and difficult to resist. All I can hope is since it was only one quick O in combination with a little bit of peeking, getting back to where I was won't take as much time as the last time, but I'll see...
I am also looking for an accountability partner, would be happy to commit to something like three months of daily messaging. Drop me a message if you are ready!
