OF/Camgirl Addiction (advice)

Thankfully I never got into OF but I went through a bad cam addiction that started in 2020 and lasted for about 2 years.

The credit card I used on cam sites I used it exclusively on cam sites. After making another payment on the card, I researched and found I had spent about $5000 per year for 2 years. Seeing that I spent $10 grand in 2 years was the wake up call I needed. Following are the steps I took (I'm not saying it will work for everyone, but it worked for me)

1. I taped a post it note to my computer with the number 10,000 on it. It was a reminder of how much I have spent and seeing it regularly it gave me the motivation to quit cam sites. Any time i thought about going on a cam site, I would see that number and think "what could i have done with 10 grand? I could have taken several great vacations, it's a down payment on a new car, I could have done some home remodeling repairs." I just start listing anything I could think of that would have been a better use of the money then a cam site.
2. At times when the note did not feel like enough to keep me away, I would talk to myself and speak out loud something like "You know the girls don't like you on those sites. They are only using you for your money. In reality they are probably grossed out by you." It was the reminder I needed sometimes to keep me away.
3. I changed the password on the cam site to something i would never remember.
4. i changed my e-mail to some fake e-mail and something I would never remember.

I will fully admit, i could just create a new account and use my real e-mail again but I felt #3 and #4 were important so I would lose access to my account on the cam site, and not creating an account was part of my fight to conquer the addiction. It took time but eventually I was able to take the note off my computer and I have not been back to a cam site for several years.

 

I had a brief stint of being addicted to window shopping on cam girl sites. What got me was the obvious fakeness of the interactions, but I was quite different, I enjoyed asking the girls to see their feet and then being made to pay $$ for the privilege of looking at their feet. Like the dynamic in my head was, they are superior, they can literally lay around all day showing their bodies whilst i have to go out and do HARD GRAFT, physical hard work to make any kind of a living. And that excited me that they were above me and had such a luxury lifestyle, all I could hope to do was worship them and get a glimpse of their feet.

But something changed where I just became way more interested in saving money and satisfying myself in less costly ways. I don't think it was ever a problematic addiction for me.

 

The only long term answer that works with my escort addiction is breaking down my anxiety and getting into dating, practicing being vulnerable with women in a setting where you aren't throwing away hundreds of $$ for the privilege of interacting with a female. You can start to get more "natural" chat and satisfaction. Yeah its still all a bit artificial, as I believe that true peace and intimacy is found within yourself, rather than going out seeking it from other people. But its way more real and genuine than cam girl sites/escorts.

 

@277joe please don't mention the name of cam sites. A few years ago, a guy came on this forum and named a cam site he went to. Out of curiosity, I went to the site and got addicted to it. Not saying he's to blame for what I did, I decided to visit the site, but if he had never mentioned the site I would have never been curious about it.

Anyway, I got into debt by spending money on camgirls. That was a few years ago. My sister found out I got into debt and helped me out. Since then, I've been extra careful with my money. I hardly spent any money on it and tended to use OF because it was cheaper.

I've pretty much stopped with camgirls and OF. What helped was deleting my accounts and the email account I would use for porn. I just can't be bother to set up another email for porn, so I tend to stay away from such sites.

 

I get how it can be intoxicating. Recently I discovered this porn app and I found it incredibly addictive. Fortunately, it's been shut down and while there's a part of me that's disappointed it happened, deep down I'm glad it's happened. I hated how I felt after using it.

You may want to listen to this podcast. In it, they track down a former pornstar now camgirl, who explains all the psychological tricks she uses to get guys to send her money. It's amazing she was so open about it, I expect she thought guys who go to camgirls won't listen to it, but she's wrong.

 

I would suggest 2 things:
1- Give the credit card to someone of your family (or someone who is truly realiable) to take care of it. Tell them your problem and they should only give it to you if you want to buy or pay something. In the exactly same second you did your purchase, you should give your credit card back to this person.
2- Donate to a local church, charity or something a bit of money everytime you relapse. If you start getting low on money, I believe you will push yourself to stop spending money on sex workers and abstain from PMO.

 

I've said this numerous times, and I'll say it again. These behaviors that we're trying to avoid are not the real problem. They are symptom of deeper rooted problems within me.
And until I stop paying so much focus and attention on the behaviors, the symptoms. And start looking at some deeper rooted problems within myself, then my subconscious will continue to work against me and undermine and sabotage my conscious efforts to stop these behaviors.
One such problem of mine which I know just about everyone can relate to is the problem of connection. Without having a support system of other men in my life looking out for my personal and spiritual growth and well-being, I'm putting myself and my recovery and a serious disadvantage. Those who do better have a support system in place such as a 12 step fellowship. Please consider

 

I had had a long-term addiction to a particular camera model, who disappeared February of last year. You are correct that the interpersonal connection and interaction makes this addiction unique. Still, I found it possible to increase the lengths of time away from her and others of her kind.

Don’t think of this as PMO; instead, you are trying to break particular interpersonal connections, like a break-up. I found myself working through stages of grief in my own struggle to do so,

 

There's an organisation called Treasures and they have a program like this. They help women leave the sex industry, and the programme is called the Restoration Fund. The idea is, you give the same amount of money you spent on the sex industry to an organisation that's helping people in the industry. Of course, they would like for you to give it to them, but you give it to an organisation you want. You can read more about here (scroll down to the 'Restoration Fund' section).

 

I haven’t had experience with camming specifically, but I have had experience with dispelling the lie and I mostly want to support what has already been said. Delete the accounts, restrict access, do what it takes to slow your reset process down. That’s the extremely short term. In the slightly longer term, you need to reset what you believe about cam girls, and belief does not come quickly.

You like cam girls because you crave relationship, and cam girls offer the illusion of relationship. It’s a lie. They don’t have a relationship with you, they aren’t better than you, and they don’t offer anything of value. You want to seek relationships with people who like and appreciate you, not denigrate and demean you.

It’s going to take a long time and a lot of repetition to disabuse yourself of the lie, because it’s one you want to believe, but it can be done. You can do it.