The Enigma of NoFap Solved

Interesting post. Let me just address this one:

For the longest time, I thought that this was true. I felt like less of a man in my youth and certainly less mature because I didn't have sex while others my age did. I had to content with masturbation while friends of mine had real girls and real sex. It wasn't until my 30s that I had sex for the first time. After I did it, I didn't feel any different. Like, at all. At that moment I really thought what's all that fuss about? I didn't feel like more of a man or paticularly mature. At that moment, it hit me. What society tells you about sex and manliness and worthiness and all that crap and what the actual truth behind it is, vastly differs.

But I also remember when I actually felt empowered as a human being and particularly as a man; it was in moments when I took on responsibility for me or for others, when I held myself accountable, when I took action, when I was brave in moments where it is easy and common not to be brave. Those were the moments when I grew, the moments I am proud of, when I felt worthy. Sex cannot give you this. Like, at all. It's a scam. Every idiot can have sex (and often does), but that doesn't make these people more "adult", often, it's exactly the opposite. This is why I practise NoFap. Because having this absolute self-control over yourself is actually what makes you an adult and more manly. Combine that with moving forward in your life and taking on responsibility and you won't ever feel powerless compared to even the most promiscious person. At least that is my opinion and my experience.

 

Returning back in the '80s or even earlier, when this was the main way of thinking. Luckily we've changed, but you're free to follow the same path. You just have to choose a girl that thinks in the same way, otherwise you'll get troubles, because you can't force others to think in the same "your" way.

Wishing you the best, but take into account the possibility that she could refuse you.

 

Your thoughts remind me a lot about a friend of mine who when we were younger, after one date with a girl he would decide if he was going to marry her or not. He stressed about so many things, like how many groomsmen to have at his wedding, or how many kids to have, or where to live. My advice to him every time was the same "Dude, just calm down relax and enjoy the date." I remember he met this one girl and after one date with her he was telling me all about how he could not see himself marrying her. I told him to relax and go out with her again. He did, and now they are married and have been for over 10 years. My advice to you is also very similar, "Dude, just relax and don't put too much pressure on yourself. You will drive yourself crazy if all you think about is marriage. Date girls, enjoy their company and see what happens."

I think it's good that you are going to approach the girl you have a crush on and let her know how you feel. Hopefully your feelings are returned, but if not, don't get too down on yourself. Trust me it is better to know then to constantly wonder. I had a situation where a girl I had a crush on in high school, never go the nerve up to ask her out, connected on Facebook decades later, went on one date and I never heard from her again. Did it suck that nothing romantic ever happened? Yes absolutely it did, but in the long run it's better to know and be able to move on. If your feelings are not reciprocated, don't get too down on yourself. You tried and that is the important thing.

 

Bro, get a job. Like, any job. Or go back to school or something. Like 99.99% of everybody else on this site, you're spending an unhealthy ammount of time thinking about 'nofap'. Find something that'll keep you busy and get you out of your own head. I think it's fine to have some regret around problematic porn use but don't turn it into some religious crusade. Take a break from your computer for a day or two or something and just don't visit this site for a week. You're freaking yourself out, dude.

 

Also, this guy ^^ is 100% based. If you're a virgin thinking that having sex will make you feel like more of a man, prepare to be wildly dissapointed. Any loser can have sex but not many people have the impetus to overpower addiction. Self-control is the answer to most of your problems in life. And yeah, to echo Hudson36, take responsibility for your own actions, don't blame 'society' or crap you see on social media/tv for your bad choices. Taking responsibility for yourself is incredibly empowering.

 

Personally, I think this is one of the most important pieces of advice that we'd all do well to remember. It's far too easy to get lost in whatever is going on in there.

 

Good on you for trying. Your not a creep your trying and that's the main thing. If it's just a rejection because she's married move on and find another one.

 

She is married, that is why she rejected you and you have to respect her decision. Would you want to be with her if she said "I'm married but I will have an affair with you."

And what exactly does a virgin look like? Did she have a sign that says "I'm a virgin"?

You were nervous and that is fine. The more you approach women the easier it will become.

I hate to tell you this, but a crush on someone is not love. Sure you might have some feelings for her but without a long deep relationship, it was not love. How were you going to convince her to be with you when she is already married. Once again I ask Would you want to be with her if she said "I'm married but I will have an affair with you."

This is a better outlet for you then watching porn. Once again, what is with this idea of getting her? She is married. She is already committed to someone else. Sounds like you have a hard time accepting this. You need to accept that the girl you had a crush on is committed to someone else, and move on with your life.

Once again would you really want to chase after and be with a married woman? If she were willing to leave her husband as soon as you confessed your feelings, or was willing to have an affair with you, then it would be likely she would do it to you. It seems like you still have this idea that somehow this married woman will just leave her husband and be with another man.

You are not a creep. You are a guy that asked a woman out and she said no. In the grand scheme of things it is not that big of a deal. Sure it sucks that the girl you had a crush on was already married, but take this an opportunity to grow and learn from it. You approached a woman and asked her out. I'm going to guess you never did that before. Next time you approach a woman it will be a little easier.

 

It's easier said than done for some people. Members live all around the world, and some may live in places where there are not a lot of jobs available. I'm fortunate enough to be able to go back to school but not everyone can do that. Having said that, it's better to have a job if you're dating.

What does that mean? Do women change the way they look once they have had sex?

 

Man, this is entirely incorrect and completely counter to mainstream scientific opinion. There's no way to tell, and you're basing your belief on assumptions which by your own admission have failed you in the past.

Stop worrying about people's past and start just treating people as human beings and you'll get a much better response from everyone. I can assure you, your judgemental attitude will be apparent to the people you are interacting with, and could be contributing to what's putting people off.

Not to mention you're significantly decreasing your pool of women by judging them on this characteristic. Most women, as with most men, have lost their virginity, and more power to them. You're only hurting yourself by holding onto this archaic belief that women are somehow more pure before they've lost their virginity.

Anyway, I don't mean to get at you, we're all on the path of self improvement. But as always the changes we have to make are within ourselves, not in the sex lives of other people.

 

Probably best. But anyway, congratulations on putting yourself out there. It takes courage and in spite of the rejection you're a stronger man for having taken the chance. Onwards and upwards, friend!

 

Porn destroyed the society manipulating the definition of sex and why people do it. They told the last generations that men need to have sex with all women they face, otherwise, they are gay or not good at being a male.

Do people really realized how wicked they are? Sex was always about love, pleasure and reproduction. Now it's all about being horny 24/7 and just looking for another person to have cum. Nowadays anyone can have sex with any other people, you just need money and that's it.

Men and women have been brainwashed in a global scale to see sex as their top priority and nothing more.
Getting a good job? Nah, I'm too young for this.
Seek a healthy life? Nooo, only old people think about health.
Learning new abilities, languages and read books? That's for nerds that have nothing good to do.
Exercising? Takes too much time and discipline.