35 and Older Accountability Group

Yesterday I went full pornblocker and blocked a couple other sites that it didn't pick up.
Also put full NSFW filters on reddit, which I'm convinced feeds men porny stuff to drive up user engagement (it often recommends low rated posts that have a graphic component over other higher rated posts that don't).

I think it's a good step. Mostly because I'm in a period of life with very little positive experience, and PMO has always been a short-term cope for loneliness/pain/trauma.

Let's keep this streak going. 3 days going on 4! woo!
...lol

God bless everyone

 

Trying my best. Already applied to hundreds of jobs and reached out to lots of people... no luck so far.
Reminding myself that I live in a place with a shit economy for my type of thought-work, so just have to keep trying or change it up.

Today I decided to water down my resume and start looking for low-level jobs just to get in somewhere.

If you have any advice, I'm all ears.

 

día 0
Hoy volví a caer.

 

Day 10 as of 8 hours ago. Today was the first day that I felt pretty good. Today was the first day I was able to actually respond emotionally to and enjoy music. Gotta love that! Still having some sleep issues. I had my first shot of single espresso in a long time and booy was that something! I was able to knock out quite of bit of my comp sci stuff, do some minor chores around the house etc... thanks to the caffeine's binding to those adenosine receptors. I felt like I was running on fumes most of the day. I had a chance to try to squeeze in a nap in the afternoon and my body was just not letting it happen. Being able to finish strong in the evening was nice. Hopefully the caffeine crash will hit at an ideal time and I'll be able to get a solid uninterrupted 7 or so hours of sleep, although based on my experience up to this point, I'm not counting on it.

Keep fighting the good fight you all. Remind yourselves of what it is your after - your why's and the betterment that will come. The best things in life, the best goals and aims, the best you does NOT, by any stretch of the imagination, come easy or without struggle, sacrifice and the countless times you will have to say 'no.'

 

XnevertoolateX,

If I had a better understanding of your context I would have a more robust response, but...

Mentally, do not shoot yourself in the foot by grounding your identity in what it is you do. Western culture has gone way too far in that regard. While we objectify women through pornography we objectify men through skills and bank-accounts. That is incredibly reductionist, ignores many of the redeeming and wonderful qualities of what it is to be a good man, and really... can be a source of mental issues. No need to create invisible monsters that you have no business investing resources in. We would all do well to put in the time to learn how to rise about the cultural current and really think for ourselves. I mean REALLY think for ourselves. Many people who say they do that... actually don't. They do not know what that responsibility actually entails. Not saying that is you, just something that came to mind - it's a plague that is rather prevalent in our culture. And it is a form of thinking that can skew your perspective while you job hunt and possibly rob you of great opportunity.

On another note, you want to purse a job that fit's holistically into the rest of your life. Some of this may be 'common sense' (I hate that term but I use it because it is an easily understood meme). Try not to take on night jobs, or overwork, or work at places that exploit their work force and often (but of course not always) have incredibly toxic work environments and systems in place that promote throwing coworkers under the bus. I would, maybe twice a week, drive around within a 20/30 mile radius (whatever is comfortable for you), and take notes on the companies in the area. Do some research on anything that sticks out - check out the companies themselves, their culture, available positions, typical pay, benefits, hours. From there you could go online. I'm not sure where you are with freedom/responsibilities/financial demands, but one option may be to get some really easy to get hired for that is part time so as to bring in some money, increase social exposure (I ended up in Hollywood going doing the sunset boulevard thing, having movies shot in my house, meeting celebrities like Jamie Fox, Ted Nugent, Corrupt, going to Justin Timberlake's Sky scraper, the W, getting VIP treatment etc. as of a result of having ZERO SKILL - it was all through social interaction). I found another job as a water tower welder, that I was not qualified for, making $1000 a day also through a relationship. Getting social exposure is huge. While you have this part time low key job, you could start talking to anyone and everyone also in the local workforce about where you are/what you are looking. At the same time, you could keep looking for a better opportunity but from a position of greater power as opposed to desperation. Job hunting from a position of desperation can lead one to make really bad decisions.

Back to the concept of holistic incorporation - try to find something that will not suck the life and soul out of you. Avoid long commutes, be careful about taking on too much responsibility. The job you are looking for now is likely not where you are going to retire/die. Let this job allow you to also focus on your other goals/health/pursuing knowledge regarding yourself and finding what exactly the ideal job would be. All the little things really add up at the end of the day and taking on too much in any form may slow you down ultimately.

Something else you may want to do is learn through learning. What I mean is this:
come up with a list of like 5 things you think may interest you.
find free learning resources for job A
find free learning resources for job B
find free learning resources for job C
find free learning resources for job D
find free learning resources for job E

notice how you respond; what you hate/like, what directs you to other curiosities.

Whatever you do, don't be spastic and rush it - try not to work this out from a mindset of scarcity/insecurity/anxiety. This is kind of general, I wish I could get more specific, but I don't have much to go off of. Feel free to respond back with some info.

I wish you well

 

Checking in - hope we are all having an okay week so far

 

Hi guys, checking in. I'm looking for an accountability partner if anybody's interested in doing it.

 

Strong work. It can be hard to remember that those temptations will eventually pass. Sometimes they can be so persistent. But that's what makes this process difficult. I had a day with some pretty strong temptations yesterday but I'm sort of in the habit of just leaving them alone. I fully trust that someday it will be easy.

 

Day 1.

 

Day 204. There were no strong temptations today. Last night I was up very late reading and playing chess. Today I am taking care of some errands. I am trying to stay grateful and useful!

 

Checking in at the middle of the week - hoping for a stress free day today

 

Feeling better, but still having urges , i got 2 days off which means i need to plan them ahead , otherwise i will end up relapsing.

 

Day 2.

 

I blocked reddit entirely, by using covenet eyes as well it's a handy tool , but still blockers alone won't do any good, if there's no mindset for recovery

 

Urges are high again, god , i think i need to call someone, reachout and connect

 

Be sure that you actually NEED reddit. I get rid of mine, even when I used it as a source to get answers to developer questions. Have not missed it. Not looking back. Don't need reddit at all.

 

Checking in.

Hope all is well.