Sex addiction is just as bad as porn addiction, if not worse

Я с тобой полностью согласен насчет секса для соблазнения, это не главное. Мне 18) и я девственница, когда я говорю это, я думаю: вау, ты девственница?
и я знаю, что отвратительно быть таким, как Эйран Йегер) будь таким, как он

 

...english,spanish.portuguese or italian please.

 

Agree with you, sex should be between two people who are consenting and know the other person's intention.
How do you feel about "friends with benefits?" My feeling is it's a nice sexual release without doing any harm. As long as both people know that their may not be a true-loving, long-term relationship, but both people would like to have sex and respect each other, it's alright. A loving long-term relationship is ideal, but sometimes you have to have something while you wait for that special person.

 

Friends with benefits is an ideal solution. If you maintain the rules you lay out it is a best of both worlds sort of thing. The idea is a little idealistic, though.

In my opinion, the most damning sin of the West in the last century is the use of the common woman as prostitute. The shame that at one time in history was concentrated to a small number of ostracized women is now dispersed into the populace. The typical woman today would undoubtedly be classified an abhorrish woman two generations ago.

 

Friends with benefits may be a little idealistic, because in my experience the women all said they just wanted to be friends, but as the relationship progressed they wanted it to be exclusive. However, they were all into it at first, so again, no harm done to anyone.

 

english here..

 

That sounds so nice, dude. If you don't feel any which way about it I won't press the issue. Indeed, in the end all we can do is try our best to treat people the way they instruct us to treat them.

 

Best of which worlds? Surely having sex in a platonic relationship isn't better than having sex in a loving marriage?

 

I had to chuckle a little bit. Well, just because they were into it at first, there may still be harm done regardless. Addicts should know the experience themselve that you can do something by your own consent and will, and later regret it. Having sex with another person means always taking responsibility for another person. So if your partner feels bad from the sexual relationship you have with her, you cant just point out that you told her something in advance and that you are therefore fine. That kind of thinking arises from Porn use and prostitution, where you buy and take the sexual value of another person. Sexual intimacy however is not about taking or trading, its about expressing love by giving oneself, the complete opposite. Acting in love means further, mainly doing things regarding the happiness of the other person and not its own happiness. So having sex with another person should rather be made under the promise that the partner is benefiting genuinly from the act.
Lets look at prostitution. If you view it as transactional then there is nothing wrong with it. You give your money, she gives you sexual value. For an utilaristic person its fair and he sees no harm done. However, looking with love at a prostitute one might decide, that even though she is giving consent doing certain acts, its not in her own interest if one would accept her offering.
Regarding friends with benefits its similar. I personally had casual experiences with women that were very fruitful. For example one girl had little to none experience with men and got through our encounter a big confidence boost while I enjoyed the time together in a little lonely period of my life. But I also had sexual encounters that I regret, for example I had once a one night stand that felt very like being used and using.

In conclusion I personally say its not about being exclusive or not. Its about the attitude one goes toward the other person. If a sexual relationship is legit or not, should be decided wether one truly thinks it benefits the other partner.

 

English only understand english

 

Thanks for the thought out and detailed response. I try not to over think relationships and just enjoy them for what they are. I agree with all that you say, but I think that the other person is almost always benefiting in a consensual sexual relationship. They are benefiting by receiving sexual pleasure with someone that they have chosen to have sex with.

 

Kindness in today's rude and selfish world is one of the best gifts we can give someone.

 

Glad we can all agree to this. Since second wave feminism this has basically been the consensus. Idk about you but I'm definitely a feminist.

Yes, it's a shame that today many don't know the difference between politeness/civility and true kindness.

 

You have good stuff to say, @Onuphrios . It’s not just about consent in the short term, but what is good for all of us in the long term. This is anecdotal observation, but it seems most women don’t do “friends with benefits” over the long term. For better or worse, women tend to “catch feelings” with their partner over multiple contacts at greater frequency than men. Consequently, any agreement to enter a friendly, sexually beneficial relationship is probably going to result in the terms changing over time. This isn’t anyone’s fault, this is just the way things are.

I personally don’t want to get involved with anyone unless I’m interested in a long term relationship. It’s the safe way to go.

 

Almost like sex causes a chemical reaction that forges a connection between the people involved. (This to me is obvious, but some people don't seem to believe it. The only thing I can believe is that if you abuse sex enough, eventually you'll stop noticing the effects. The effects are real, though)

 

Almost like sex should be reserved for love.

I remember someone describing casual hook-ups like taking two stickers and placing them on each other. Then, rip them off, and place them on other stickers. Then do it again and again and again. Every time you tear the stickers apart a piece them rips off until they eventually lose their adhesive quality.

I’m old enough to remember a time when handshakes mattered; it meant your word. You could even seal a deal with one. Sadly, over time, they stopped mattering because people abused them so much they became meaningless. That’s what’s happening with sex nowadays.

 

dude, thats some ugly truth right there

 

SEX ISNT AN ADDICTION!!! I’ve recently just gave more thought to this doctors views I came across about a year ago. I’ve worked with a psychotherapist who has also similar opinions and was very helpful, yet I’d always question this view from everything else I’d learnt. I’ve tried lots of therapist including addiction recovery ones. Twelve step groups, Paula hall. Many many books. Streak counting other group meetings, hypnotism. But this does seem to make a lot of sense to me and my situation. Just a lot to get my head around.