I visited a brothel about three weeks ago and I have been experiencing very strong temptations. Not gonna lie, I enjoyed the experience and really didn't feel shitty afterwards. And upto now, my mind is telling me that what I did was okay, but morally I know this is very wrong. Now what worries me is that I may have opened a rabbit hole that may be very difficult to come out of and that is not the man I want to be. How do I come out of this state of mind?
You have to get accountable. Join a step group like SA, SAA, or Celebrate Recovery. Confess your stuff and ask for someone to hold you accountable. It also helps to continually remind yourself of the risks, dangers, and cost of prostitution and that these women are usually victims of trafficking, pimping, and hardship.
Hey man. Thanks for your honesty and transparency. I can attest that the brothel, escort, illicit massage parlor, prostitute scene is certainly a rabbit hole that can lead to the deepest pits of misery. I've personally struggled with this addiction for 20+ years. Porn does zero for me, I'm not here for that. I graduated from that many years ago and my addiction progressed in to what it is today. All I can say is that my experience with brothels started out the same as to what you described. I enjoyed the experience and had no guilt associated with it. I was also single and had very little responsibility other than my career. My addiction ultimately brought me all over the world on sex vacations - chasing the high of what you may have felt. Regardless of marital status or whether or not one has a girlfriend, this addiction will not stop at anything. I'm now married, multiple kids, respectable job and career, lots of responsibilities, and here I am...struggling to stay sober. I've been a member of this group for 5+ years and could never put more than 2 weeks of sobriety together until now. I fully surrendered and have dedicated myself to working my recovery program consistently every single day. That being said, after many years of feeling impending doom, I have now been sober for 150+ days. I'm always available to discuss via DM. I don't judge and understand the desire and temptation for this addiction. Wish you the best bro!
Congrats on 150+ days! I wanted to ask. Prior to the brothel addiction, did you have a porn addiction? If so, how does it differ. Also, how do you view the women you sleep with at the brothels? Is it easy to just view them as a sex object, and not think much of them afterwards?
I was pretty deep in to porn in my early teens and 20s. The addiction eventually progressed to illicit massage parlors and escorts soon after. Fast forward many years, porn doesn't satisfy my addiction, nor does masturbation. It's mainly illicit massage parlors, escorts, with some video chat sprinkled in. The addiction to illicit massage parlors and escorts has been exponentially worse if I was comparing it to porn. There are a different subset of risks that could potentially destroy my family and career...not saying porn can't do that either, but when I was heavy in to porn I had very little responsibility and was not married with children. I'm a married man for over a decade, so I never got an emotional attachment to any of the ladies with the exception of one many years ago. However, it wasn't an attachment per se, but just really enjoyable times when I would visit.
"Yet" is the magic word here...because if left untreated, I will ultimately destroy everything I have to put my addiction first. That's why complete surrender and absolute dedication to a program of recovery is necessary for an addict like me to get sober and stay stopped.
My apologies. I assumed you were cured because of how long your streak is. I'm glad though that you found a program that is working for you. Keep it up!
