This is it. Im coming to an end.

No need to end it, you can be cured simply by stopping ejaculation and fantasizing

easier said than done, but you can accomplish the task if you truly want to

I’d recommend reading a book by the author named “Soaring Eagle”, just look it up on a Google search

 

Here are some ideas to get you started:
1) Retention and transmutation of seminal fluid. How to do that? Simple:
a) Have a high ideal. Go to it every time a lustful thought appears in your mind.
b) Breathing exercises (Wim Hof Method, for example)

2) Get outside into nature, even a local park. While you are there, place your bare feet on the grass for 10-30 minutes (Earthing/Grounding)

3) Patience, persistence and faith.

All 3 are free! There is more, if you are up for it.

 

988 is the national suicide hotline. Free support. Call if you need help.

 

I know this is the standard advice on here but it's amazing how much better you feel about this sort of thing when you're even a few weeks clean. That means no porn, no masturbation, no fantasizing, no peeking, basically just doing all you can to surgically remove the fetish from your life. The key part is to maintain that discipline even after those first few weeks, this I feel is where most on here, including myself, slip-up. We can't handle feeling somewhat normal, or we enter into flatline, or experience terrible mood swings, and we go crawling back to porn.

It is absolutely possible to overcome this, you just need to keep trying. You'll never win if you don't keep going. Even if you improve by only 5%, that's better than not improving at all, right?

 

First of all you are loved and valued man. You use the word 'monster', but from what I've read you seem like a guy with clear goals and values who wants to do good. You may have big problems, many of us do, but they are not your sole identity.

When I was your age I was just beginning to address my worst fetishes. At the time I thought those fetishes were with me for life. If they're not your natural interest, they can go away over time. And my guess is that a fetish as specific and focused on as yours is a trigger to past trauma of some kind, that can ultimately be addressed and healed from.

I was going to suggest therapy, but it is expensive and instead you could try other options.

You could research and practice a therapy that works for you. Years ago someone gave me 'The Happiness Trap' a book about cognitive behaviour therapy, and it was truly the start of me envisioning a different life. I still practice some methods to this day.

I would guess there may be some more inner work and investigation for you to do into the real causes of this fetish. If you can think back, what purpose could it have served you? What could it still be used for? Mine was to escape the responsibilities of life, and later to avoid the pain of a life not fully lived.

Lastly, without having to work out anything life changing right now, I wonder what small things you could do for yourself to enjoy life starting today?

I would encourage you to write a list of things you can easily refer to and try one each day. It may sound simple, but it really is the small things, seeing a dog play in the park, going to a movie, talking to someone, these small things get us by.

 

Are really only 26? You can do nothing right for the next four years, wake up, and still be young AF. You have like 50 years to work it out. Call 988, man. Your mistakes don't define you, everyone here is into some fucked up shit. The only thing that will hurt worse than what you're doing now is to give up.

 

Permanent solution to a temporary problem. Take the advice of the community. This isn't an end all scenario. We are here to support.

Wishing you the best!

 

We'll we've all been giving advise, and you haven't replied. I see by your activity, you are still online and haven't killed yourself. Are you just playing around here?

 

Find your Ikigai.

Dont let temporary neurotransmitters imbalance feelings make permanent choice.

Who was Gabe deem? Go look up. How awful he felt. And he got through it.
Many rebooters did.

Find your Ikigai. Dont let the neurochemicals disable you because theyre imbalanced.

Go study neuroplasticy

 

When I hit rock bottom, the first thing I did was found a support group in person. Then the support group gave me a bunch of materials to read/watch/listen to. They also instructed me to engage in certain daily practices. Then I became close friends a couple of people in that group to hold me accountable, and one specific person who I would call on the phone every day at the same time to check in. I would continue going to meetings of the group daily or weekly, even when I was failing.

It was especially empowering to hear their stories, and how I could related to their experiences, and this gave me hope, because I realized I was not alone, and I was not weird, in fact I was quite normal, and I realized that lots of other people are going through the same exact things, (only most of them do not ask for help!) Some people are so desperate they'll try anything because they are so sick and tired of being sick and tired. The only people I've seen get better are the people who truly want it. My 2 cents.

Are you able to enter into some type of program of life such as this? Cost free. Hell, I'll buy you whatever you want, just PM me. I can also introduce you to a group of guys that I am in a group thread with, if you like.

 

I sent you a private message a couple days ago, legend, where you at?

 

With fetishes, you can’t change them. Especially ones that come from childhood. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s not going away. The best thing to do is work with what you got. Connect what you like with your fetish into sex. Let’s say you like being sat on maybe you prefer a girl on top. I’ve never met a girl not into face sitting before. Have a girl sit on your face and eat her out or something. Stop worrying about being “normal”. There are many people out there who wish they were normal. Accept who you are and work with what you are drawn.

 

I understand. Fetishes/paraphilias are only bad when they cause stress or harm in someone life. Practicing this fetish with an obese individual can be harmful. Maybe try to find the light with your fetish in a safer way.

 

I think fetishes add another level to porn addiction, but following the advice that is found here is what needs to be done. Don't PMO, don't look at porn, and don't MO. Start there and you can figure out the fetish thing later. The fetish will probably go away once you rewire your brain by taking a permanent brake from PMO.

As far as crying about the past, don't. The past is gone, you can't change it. The only thing that matters is right now! The future is unknown, so stay in the present and get better.

Good luck,
Nomo