I give up on nofap.

I have been doing nofap for years now. Due to hardcore porn addiction, which nearly ruined my life and worsened my mental illness, after I figured out the cause of my downfall was PMO addiction, moving forward, I discovered nofap. That's how I changed my life. It's not entirely fixable, but at least I could go outside, have a normal conversation without social anxiety, get myself a job, act like a normal human, talk to girls without anxiety, lighten up my self-esteem and there's more.


But the consequences of starting PMO too early have caused me difficulties with sexuality and a loss of sexual attraction toward the opposite gender. Instead, I crave more real intimacy and emotional connection; it's just that I no longer view women as sex objective. However i have a fetish of transgender porn and thanks to nofap, i no longer view women with a dick anymore, but however i still had the urge from time to time, it just i view them as sexual objects instead of wanting to have romance feelings etc, it just my fetish just want to sex and released dopamine then that's it.... and my general anxiety disorder just been worsening since last year, suddenly i recruited back all the past events, of how i was doing while on nofap, cause i was still checking girl out and staring like her boob and ass on the street or through screen, bikini, whenever i stressed out, just to get good feelings and boner without having a gf and no friends making everything sound pathetic... and the fucked up one is twerking video, which later i completely cut off after i almost slipped up, it's close to relapsed. And overall checking girl out on the street and phone, which means dopamine released counts as P-sub, technically relapsed, I was like, "What? I have been doing it for years. Well, that's to say I just relapsed, not knowing? ....


Just early this month, I had this doubt. Since then, I never feel like myself. I just thought to myself, I'm only focused on PMO besides anything else. I have no idea those things are relapsed as well. I could not believe this was unexpected. Nofap has been helping me so much; it was once my biggest inspiration and supporter. I depended on it too much, and now I suffer its dark side. Everything that once normalized is now a relapse to me. I no longer have the mental energy to invest in this thing anymore, and I also no longer have a problem with PMO. Just now, the only problem is that fucking normalize shit counts as a relapse which is scared of relapsed. I am suffering from mental fatigue and emotional exhaustion from these past weeks; I am unable to concentrate at work; I am not feeling like myself; I have ruined good moments... I had enough of this. I decided to give up on nofap. Maybe I am crawling back to my pmo, or else I do not know what else to do. The achievement I completed is no longer letting addiction control my life. Outside of this, such as relationships, friendship, loneliness, and being an adult, making friends is 100 times more difficult. I'm fat and ugly, with a terrible personality is the same for over 23 years of my life, nothing good have ever happened at all. I feel like my deep depression is returning for some reason, because I am losing the purpose of living. I have no meaningful reason to do anymore. It was a curse to be alive. I hate every morning I wake up seeing my ugly, depressed face.
I had enough...

 

Hope for what? i keep relapsing over something, i thought it's not... well that mean no matter how hard i try, there might still thing count as relapse

 

t

the fuck you mean excuse? I tried my best, to avoid PMO for years, who know looking at women boob and ass even though not nudity still count as relapse... for all these years i just wasting, pretended like i achieve something... all gone wasted

 

Like i mentioned, doesn't matter what kind of erotic (not nudity) on social media or real life, it never urge me to masturbate or porn, i just look for the sake of attraction and crave more of intimacy never urge to do PMO at all...
Then there's someone would considered such these as relapsed, well that's make making doubt, like these things count as relapse? So i went to gym looking at those fine girls in yoga pant and on social media is a relapse too? Well that's enough then, everything is goddamn relapse

 

I thought about this too... Like only looking at boob and ass in the streets and through screen is fine... However you think these can be relapsed or just lead to relapse?

 

What i mean is staring in real life or social media yoga pant showing their butt on IG can be hot... Sort of stressed reliever too Then other said that is soft porn considered relapse, i was so surprised and speechless... I'm not even a monk wtf are these rules

 

Yes, what if i purposely seeking out those things? Is it still count as relapse? Boob and ass (not nudity), gladly someone understand the situation, like i admitted what i did is hard mode, I'm not planning to cut off sexual stimulation completely... Ass and boob, real sex with orgasm is enough, it never urge to watch or masturbate like i said again.

 

I didn't expect staff member to see this, and thanks for your great paragraph. I will remember all of these