Religious Sexual Suppression Can Cause Harm

This post started as a response to another thread in another section of this forum, but I ended up going on an unrelated rant, LOL, so I ended up cutting and pasting part of it here.

*Disclaimer - I am by no means an expert on this topic and I am not a spiritual teacher. So don't take my word as absolute or true, I want to know what your lived experience is. See questions at the bottom.

The discussion started with someone asking if you can train yourself to be asexual, and my thoughts went straight to wondering why someone would want to. If it's out of shame for their sexuality, or shame about masturbating, where does that shame come from? Is that religious shame? Or was it because of some physical / mental aftermath of PMO?

I spent years of my life in Ashrams and Monasteries and boy, there was a LOT of shame, sexual suppression, sexual frustration, and unfortunately as it turned out, rape.

Here's where the rest of my thought train went on the original post...

Even celebate monks still have their sexual orientation (straight, gay, etc.), and that doesnt change just because they have vowed not to act on their sexual urges.

And you can't "kill" your libido without doing harm to yourself. It's a natural biological urge. As long as your body produces testosterone, there will be sexual urges. Trying to supress will only cause more harm than good.

You can train your mind to focus less on those thoughts, slowly over time. Whenever the lustful thoughts come to your mind, immediately focus on something else like an affirmation, a mantra, book, an inspiring video, this forum.

If this is coming from a religious place or a place of shame, try to sit with those feelings of lust, shame, etc and just observe it. Be curious of it, be mindful. But don't think you have to "kill" an urge that is part of being a human and existing in an animal body.

There are some who try to sublimate their sexual energy through spiritual practice, BUT THIS SHOULD ONLY BE DONE ONLY UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF A TRUSTED, MORALLY ASUTE SPIRITUAL MASTER. Few are fully successful at eradicating lust, and most who think they have end up falling from their pedestal. Don't try these practices on your own. Keep in mind these are advanced, esoteric, and traditionally secret practices for a reason. I've seen countless cases of monks who end up sexually abusing others because of years of forced celebacy and sexual suppression.

In my experience of trying Mantak Chia's full body O stuff from a book, without the guidance of an in-person teacher, it only multiplied my lust and sexual frustration ten fold (even after achieving full body O). This stuff can be dangerous and even feed the ego, leading to negative results.

Some are just better suited for householder life, which sex is a part of. Householder life can still be very spiritually fulfilling in its own way, as work, relationships, and family can be made into joyful selfless service.

If your sexuality and attraction are strong, try focusing that towards committed, loving relationships rather than merely objectifying other people's bodies.

In many cases, I've heard people don't easily cultivate the dispassion and discernment needed for transcending their urges/desires until they have pursued their desires and learned the result. The Buddha lived a lavish royal life full of decadence, sex, desire before he realized the nature of his suffering.

Even the Buddha had sexual thoughts, but he eventually became wise enough to not feed them and he chose not to act on them.

Even the bible teaches that sex is a moral part of marriage and the bible wouldn't teach you to try to become asexual. Why should we feel shameful for feeling horny then?

You can take small steps towards spending your sexual/creative energy somewhere productive, but don't hate yourself for having sexual thoughts. It's just a temporary experience.

Most of us aren't perfect or enlightened, and having a sexual experience or attraction isn't bad in of itself. It's when the attraction and sexuality becomes exploitative (of ourselves ,of others) that it's a problem.

The more you focus on a problem, the bigger it becomes. The more you focus on a solution, the bigger the solution becomes. Focus on other positive thoughts word and deeds you can practice today, rather than focusing on your perceived sexuality problem .

And focus on a process rather than an end goal.

Focusing on a possibly unattainable goal of having no lust whatsoever will probably make you feel more and more frustration and shame when you're not reaching it right away, which will take away your willpower. what small, positive steps can you take right now? Breathe? Read something inspiring? Do some sort of calming ritual? Cook a healthy meal? Work out?

The urges will come and go and that is out of your control. What you can control is what you choose to focus on, and giving yourself up to your Higher Power or essentially following your ideal vision of yourself as much as you can.

Im repeating to you what I've been taught and what I had to unlearn, and I've worked through months of therapy processing my sexual shame and all the messed up religious indoctrination that tries to tell us we have to feel disgusting about urges that are biological and natural.

Would you feel guilty for feeling hungry or needing to use the bathroom? No, because your body and brain produces hormones and chemicals to complete these biological functions. The same is true about sexual desire, and if someone convinced you you should guilty for that, it would create a bleak existence indeed...

I post this because I've seen a lot of these beliefs posted on this forum, and it makes me hesitate and feel conscios, and wonder if this stuff even belongs in the NoFap community or if it should remain evidence-based and scientific (as to the detriment of P specifically, rather than pseudoscientific claims about M, O and semen retention).

What if, this semen retention stuff is a self-fulfilling prophecy? You learn about all the powers and benefits, and you placebo yourself into thinking you feel amazing? Or you learn that expelling semen is bad (which has no modern scientific basis whatsoever btw), and you placebo yourself it feeling terrible after each O?

Has anyone here ever had these effects without first learning of NoFap, Kundalini, or Semen Retention?

What if the negative effects of M and O people report on this forum are just the effect of shame or past trauma? What if the problem isn't MO (I know P can be detrimental, science supports that), but the shame surrounding that is causing people's symptoms?


What do you think?