Sex addiction is just as bad as porn addiction, if not worse

Do they owe you a thank you still if they already paid you? On top of that, and according to your words “they spend tons”, is that not sufficient enough that these Men paid for the labor of your services rendered?

 

My point is that I think you misinterpreted that one statement, which is easy to do if you leave out the context.
I did forget about the function to quick-quote part of a message here, hence my use of the word 'delete'.

One would think so! You thank the hairdresser, the dentist, et cetera.

 

Agreed. I have friends who are in relationships and you can tell that the only thing keeping them together is the sex. Its depressing to see their physical bond, but emotional indifference.

 

Yea I found that I had to put in an amazing performance to get validation and reassurance to give me a temporary boost. Other times it was an escape from ocd obsessive thinking and to let someone skilled seduce me and give me a break from it all. Porn was fuel to the fire pushing more and more extreme kinks etc. Messy stuff

 

I think you are doing a good job articulating things in your original posts, (that's as far as I've read). One thing I thought I'd add here, sex/relationship is a need, just not a basic need. A p addict turns that need into the end all be all which isn't healthy. But we are relationship driven beings. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs goes over this in better detail than I can do it justice here.

Not acknowledging that we have relationship driven needs I think is dangerous especially a P addict, because ignoring this need can lead to acting out in addiction. Loneliness seems to be a very common ailment for the p addict for example. On the other hand, a p or sex addict can take the definition of "need" and try to turn it into a basic need which sex/relationship is not. It classifies as a psychological need.

 

As a guy who's had many sexual relationships, am married, and have a p addiction. I thought I'd address a little here for you guys. Mostly my experience on the topic you both are talking about here.

The excitement from a new relationship did reduce my urges, for several months or so on average. But this never lasted in my experience. The reason for that is the addiction isn't rooted in libido or sexual appetite. Even though that's a part of the equation it most definitely isn't all of it. P addiction becomes a way we cope with things, like loneliness, boredom, anxiety, insecurities, fill in the blank. A relationship doesn't fix these real world issues that everyone deals with in one form or another. An addict at that point is faced with a choice when faced with this, turn to addiction like in the past, or choose healthy options. No amount of sex with a significant other can help a person learn how to cope with anxiety for example.

What happens in the beginning of a new relationship for me was I was way into that person, there was attraction and I would desire being with them rather than being alone with p. Those moments are easy to abstain. But, as the newness wears off, and real life challenges are presented things get tough again, healthy coping habits have to be learned first, and take a lot of practice and repetition to get good at. It's like working out a muscle that has never been used. It takes time and effort to grow and deal with life's challenges in healthy ways. A relationship simply can't do that for the addict.

On the topic of having a partner to confide in, it definitely can help. I feel the best when I'm able to talk about a hard day at work and my wife is attuned to my feelings. But, I've also betrayed her, and there are an incredible amount of emotional walls that get in the way of our communication. That has put me in several positions where I've felt very much misunderstood by my wife. Because she is dealing with her own emotions and feelings from the addiction. It makes it incredibly hard for an SO to look past and rightly so. So if you want a happy relationship/marriage, learn healthy coping skills, and don't think that this thing just will go away. Because it won't.

 

These parasocial relationships are yet another Rabbithole.

 

I personally think 98% of men who describe themselves as "porn addicts" are also sex addicts, simply because the act of watching porn is almost always paired with masturbation, which is certainly a sexual act. It's hard to imagine someone watching porn and NOT jerking it. What are they even doing at that point--dissecting the plot? Judging the lighting and composition?

 

You'd be surprised. We live in a world with a lot of brokenness, and there are a lot of women perfectly happy to fill that void with meaningless sex because it makes them feel briefly validated. I've been with far too many of them.

 

I agree with you 100% bro......on the reference as to sex with someone...real sex....after a few intervals...you start to feel like you're dirtying your body with rationalizing that real sex is not as bad as PMO.And for those who meditate along with their recovery,it really makes you feel like you're throwing everything you meditate about...with having real sex.Just an opinion.Thanks.

 

I'm also a sex addict.
Started with porn, escalated to gay porn and to meeting with men on grinder...
I will definitely say the sex addiction is as bad as porn addiction

 

So true man!
I am struggling so much with that!

 

I agree....and especially those places/websites where people meet specifically just for sex...of any kind, beyond faping.One begins to condition the mind for just any kind of sex with people and in the end robs you of your future and your family.All you have to do is just have the absolute desire to stop,to mentally detox and to change from this.