35 and older accountability, Group 2

Great to see so many updates and interesting thoughts shared!
Had a difficult day, chaser effect and managed somehow to get through. Mainly leaving home helped,...the environment does a lot.

If you are looking for some inspiration, this 2min scene from the movie "Flight" with Denzel makes a great point.

Keep fighting

 

Hello, a quick check in here.

I'm happy to report I've been doing well. But now I'm reminded I need to be careful because I've failed too many times when things were going well.

I seem to mostly have maintained my soberness of mind and mostly avoided week moments (I think I fell into p subs briefly once).

It helps me to remember how much I do not want to be at that place of PMO. I've had times I've done well, and then other times I've fallen back into it a lot. I had a very bad time falling back at the end of 2023. I don't want to be there again. I don't even want to mess up and fail to PMO once.

I really don't want to be in that place again. I'm very glad to have this soberness of mind maintained.

I need to go, I'm getting many things done today and my mind is all over the place getting little chores done here and there. This is good.

 

Update, going well.

I am practicing being peaceful seeing beautiful women, without attraction and aversion, but when my mind is feeling drawn, or trys to get away from them, I am dis-identifyign with that mind, resting in my consciousness as awareness.

it requires constant meditation and vigilance, my teacher says "eternal vigilance" is the price of freedom. Practicing pausing, meditating wherever I go.

 

Today expecting a chase effect, it helps a lot to have that in mind and getting prepared for it. Having it present helps through the day. Celebrating 2 weeks, which is really great (again).
I have a question to those that have weekly relationship with their partners. Is that something that you find helpful or making it harder? For now, it´s seems to me be helping and taking a bit of pressure out of the daily "self optimizing" routine. What are you experiences?

 

It does both. Sometimes it makes it harder because of chaser effect and wanting more. Sometimes it relieves the pressure and makes it easier. Since we're in a relationship, celibacy isn't an option, so this is the complex middle place that we occupy. It's a good place to be and good job getting there with your partner.

Check-in:
I relapsed again after 15 days. I spent this morning giving myself more positive self talk so I can feel motivated and not ashamed of relapsing. More details in my journal.

 

Update:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/2023-calendar.356863/

 

15 days, first day passing the 2 weeks barrier. @ANewFocus thanks for sharing the thoughts, no reason to feel ashamed, value yourself and your attempts. You fall 7 times, you stand up 8!

Got a cold, terrible night,...another red flag - mental stress. Hopefully we are done with the chaser effect, cause both together would be really much. So planning in advance for another challenging day, priming with discipline and plans to get outside home, as far as cold let´s me. Discipline and planning, it´s all we got.

One of the benefits is coming back, I had almost forgotten about, the vision on life. The fog that would only let me anticipate the next step is lifting and allowing to see much further. I plan to give up my side business, it´s too much time, too much stress. I made the business plan on some assumptions, like I didn´t account for the personal time invested. And how do I account for the personal time I put into that business? Reality is, you pay roughly 50% taxes, each hour you put in you need to account for a realistic salary, get the initial and current costs paid,...that would need 300 customers a month. I want to focus on my recovery, that is priority number one. This also reflects great in my relationship with my wife, we had a nice dinner together, I don´t want loose that. Plus, I want to grow in my job and have in this same moment some browser tabs open, with university and institutes. That vision would not have come without this recovery. And for sure it will clear up even more. I wandered often without knowing where to go, having this brain fog. But even with a cold, I can know see much clearer where I want to go.

Keep fighting

 

I am planning some changes for my 2024 calendar.

• A red colored box still means multiple MO in a day, and my plan is that like in 2023, there will be no red days.
• In 2023, a yellow box meant one accidental MO. This will now be an orange box.
• A green box is still a day without MO.
• I think it is difficult to define what constitutes M. So I will use a blue box for a strict mode “Don’t touch” day. In order to earn a blue box, the penis must not be touched at all. Exceptions are in order to pee, to wash it or, for up to three seconds, when adjusting clothes. Also not allowed are of course any hands free methods like prone M etc.
• On the other hand, I’m planning to have scheduled MO, maybe once in a month or less. The idea is to control every aspect of it, so that MO doesn’t control me. This will be a yellow box in this year’s calendar. It will be limited to one O of course, otherwise it will be a red box.

Additional ideas:

• Scheduled MO requires a certain number of days (maybe 15) in strict mode (i.e. blue boxes) after the last MO.
• Scheduled MO requires certain exercise goals to be met.

So I hope that today I can color one box blue.

 

How long, on average, would you say it takes to dis-identify, when you feel your mind being drawn?
And you mentioned a teacher, like a meditation teacher?

 

It can happen instantly, infact the minute the awareness is that says "This is not me" there is a space in between identifciation.
It also depends on how much prep work I have done that day.

For example, every day when I wake up in the morning instantly my thoughts goes to my practice, and I take control over my mind from the 1st moment of being awake.
Now there are times (especially when my life is going really well) I get comfortable, then laziness sets in, then I am not as vigilent with my practice, study and meditation, then when I get tempted it takes alot longer to remember the principals and principals of "Impersonalization" feels mental and without much value, but it still works just takes longer to feel the difference like a few hours of practice and reading and meditation. Sometimes it takes even a day or longer to be released and feel the inner joy again.

Yes that is my spiritual teacher.

 

Hello, I'm checking in here.

I'm so happy now as I start to write because I just realized that I made it through January with 100% no PMO. It was a very good month overall.

I can't let my guard down though. I do know the feeling of urges is very slowly increasing. Although it seems I'm able to maintain this because my mindset now is that I extremely dread the thought of failing to P or PMO again. This feeling of dread helps me very much.

I'm really so happy now to realize that January was a complete success.

I will need to write more in my journal soon.

I wish you all the best.

 

What a bada## month you had. Truly phenomenal. Feel the power of what you did in this last month. You did that. Awesome.

 

31 days, a full month. I had some help the last week, that is why I didn´t update. I was off sick,...maybe the meds, but had 0 urge. Even if I had wanted to, was just too weak. But that made it to 31 days!

 

Hello, I'm checking in ...

I'm still doing well. Although I can tell urges are slowing increasing. It may also have to do with changing what I eat a some. It seems the only way I can explain my recent success was either diet or a miracle. It was also my mindset which is still in tact except not a strong as before.

Keeping fighting on.

 

Still clean after 333 days!!

 

333 days? Wow!!!Congratulations!!

 

33 days, found a system/balance that currently works for me. It does not inflict me stress, which I have identified as my number 1 root cause.
For those that followed the up and down with the side business, I quit it. And that was a mayor relief for me, I become calm and could focus better on my rehab. Also when I have stress in my job, I get to control better the anxiety and will not seek short term relief in FAP.
While it´s still tempting and foolish to think the danger of relapse ceases, it´s as present and real as it ever was.

I´m now studying AI course at Oxford, I´m trilled and enthusiastic about learning, growing and having that focus that I can work on and channel my energy to.

Keep Fighting

 

Hello,

I'm checking in. I'm doing ok. Unfortunately, I'm showing signs of weakness. I had my first P sub and MO. I have not seen P subs much at all this year. I don't have urges right now. I'm dealing with boredom, loneliness and being tired. It seems P subs are a temptation right now due to this.

 

On a 10 day streak.

Being more intentional about calming my emotions, spending time with my wife, being positive about myself, initiating with my wife and working with my therapist have helped. More details in my journal.

 

Anything you can do to give yourself rest and give yourself something you're excited about?