Im really hating myself

so stop it, Im sure you can easily stop PMOing

 

Tell us more about what's going on. What scares you that much?

 

That’s not fair, if it were that “easy” everyone would have gotten over their addiction and issues by now.

That advice is similar to what my therapist told me years ago, his tagline was “just do it”, when I would say I couldn’t do this or that due to issues. I would recommend giving helpful advice, or the vary least some words of encouragement instead.

 

What kinds of tools have you tried using to help reduce your porn use and masturbation?

 

I know very well that PMO addiction hides other problems much more deeper, but in my experience to be able to treat these problems, we should begin by avoiding Porn, because someone who watchs P, his mind isn't functionning in a normal state ....

So first stop P, and it's not so hard to do it, find things that attract you in the beginning, in my case, I began listening to a lot of music, laughing, watching funny things, in order to be in a good mood, in other words try to find things that makes you happy

Then second phase begin, what I like calling facing adversity, or real problems like shyness, social anxiety, problems in life....etc, that's hard because when facing things we can really relapse because of frustration, so when you feel that, return to doing something funny like listenning to music or singing

that's what's working for me

 

Stopping anything briefly or in the moment can be easy, but actually stopping the compulsion to act of porn isn’t. By saying that to an extent you trivialise what the person is feeling, as the mere thought is daunting.

On the other hand if you mentioned this stuff in your first one, that would have been great! Maybe it is miscommunication, but it never helps to say something is “easy” when a person is wanting to hear solutions or get help on a particular issue.

 

You have every right to be scared. Porn use will ruin your life. Get help. Find a way to be useful and helpful to others. Find God. Stay off of social media. It is time to save your life. Don't let this addiction take everything away from you that is worth living for.

 

I get your point, but at the same time, if you say it's hard it could be a way to find excuses to relapse to justify it because it's hard...

 

Quitting porn isn't hard for me. I've done it a million times. (Jk)

 

It’s the cold hard truth, but by saying it’s easier you set people up for easier expectations which lead to worse failure and shame, because it’s supposed to be “easy”. I don’t know about you but if I was told something was easy and I failed, I would feel horrible and would give up.

It I’m not saying you are but it sounds condescending to say it’s easy, especially for the people that know it’s the very opposite.

 

I may be misunderstanding this, but if that is actuly what you mean, > will tell you that you are absolutely flat-out WRONG. In almost every single post I've made on here, I only speak for myself, or I simply disagree with people. But if you are really saying here that quitting porn is easy, I will say that you have put a lie out there, and that is just a stupid thing to do. If it really is easy, why are you on a forum dedicated to helping people stop it? Why is there an entire 12 step program devoted to helping people stop lusting? Why have people like Doug Weiss and Patrick Carnes spent so much time devoting their entire careers to helping people stop lusting? Why are there so many books, articles, videos, and podcasts dedicated to helping people stop lusting? Why is there a specialty therapist certification called CSAT dedicated to helping people with an addiction to lust?

Because it's not as simple as you put it. Otherwise it wouldn't be an addiction, no one would need help, and none of us would be Herr because this forum wouldn't exist.

 

Take it easy guys, what I meant by easy is that it's achievable, otherwise if I had said it's hard means I'm demotivating the writer of the post...

But what I don't understand is why are you so offended just by the word easy...

Leaving porn it's not such a big issue.

And as I said before real problems are other things, fix them and improve your life, I'm sure you won't return to porn.

 

Freeing yourself from porn addiction is achievable like you say, and I get that, but you already are demotivating OP by saying it’s easy. Most people are already aware that it’s hard, because they suffer from it and abstaining is difficult for basically everyone affected by it.

The definition of easy is as follows:

• 
  
  
  • achieved without great effort; presenting few difficulties.

That doesn’t sound the same when a person is doing no PMO. Leaving porn itself is difficult, and all the urges/withdrawals that come with abstaining from any addiction is hard. Why set him up for false expectations when saying something is easy?

I mean I think we’re going in circles here, but leaving porn is a big deal. Nobody is disputing that everyone needs to work on the root cause of the addiction and our personal issues, but in a way you’re downplaying the severity of porn on a person. You need to work on both, which in my eyes are tightly intertwined.

I don’t want to derail OP’s thread further and already feel bad about it so that’s it, but for me words matter.

 

I would suggest that anyone who finds quitting porn to be "easy" was never truly addicted.

"Normies" have no frame of reference to understand addiction. They can't comprehend how a person could risk their most cherished relationships and assets in the pursuit of some euphoric high. "I don't understand why he can't just make better decisions," they say.

Addiction overrides a person's ability to make choices because it literally hijacks a person's brain chemistry. That's why external help or consequences (rehab, intervention, filters, severe public exposure, or even arrest and imprisonment) is almost always required to get an addict on a firm path toward recovery.

Every actual addict I've ever encountered--and at this point, I've known and befriended well over 100--has said that overcoming their addiction was the single hardest battle they've ever fought in life. That's been true of those newly in recovery as well as old-timers with 20 years clean.

 

I highly doubt that you have even a remote understanding of this addiction. First off, it's just a stupid thing to do when you use the word easy anywhere in connection to fighting an addiction.
And secondly, telling people to take it easy when they disagree with you for doing something stupid is another bad mistake on your part.

If you don't see both of these things as big mistakes, I would argue you're not in the right place.

 

I just curious how it can ruin ur career?

 

It depends on what career, but I would say that most jobs will fire anyone who watches porn at work or makes a habit of watching porn substitutes.

 

I've faced the challenges of this addiction myself, and I can appreciate how difficult it is. It appears that you're dealing with your own struggles, and I empathize with that. However, attacking others and accounting their mistakes may not be the most helpful way to cope. In my opinion. it might be worth considering seeking support to learn how to talk to people...

 

I can't speak for Jks but I know of people who got fired from their job because they looked at porn while at work. Then they can't get another job because in interviews they're asked why they got fired and they have to admit they looked at porn while at work.