It all started when I found a reddit post. Saying watch porn without masturbating and see if you feel disgust. I did it. Felt it. I am actually proud of myself. Of course what I'm about to say is indefinitely a relapse. No question about it. I cried to porn for 10 minutes, no masturbating. Nothing sexual except for watching it. Cried for God, for myself, for the poor soul corrupted by Satan of this person. I cried for it all. I kept listening to Jesus over and over while watching, and I felt like I've overcome lust. Has anybody had this experience. I felt real disgust. I felt the holy spirit as I was crying. It was incredible to be unworldly like. It felt amazing. I was immensely happy after crying. Just want to report this down. I felt bad for the porn star. I was surprised by this usually I feel hate when watching porn. But I just kept watching and the more I watched the more disgust and tears came out. Until I didn't want to watch, I felt God's presence. Has anyone felt like this before? I know that it's wrong to justify porn by saying "I cried and felt disgust while watching" I know that it's wrong, but I believe that it is an improvement. I believe it is a huge improvement. To start thinking of porn stars more like people than objects. To feel the holy spirit. Porn can not be justified. Fantasies can not be justified. The problem is I had to watch porn to feel disgust. I had to. And that's the problem I had to watch porn to feel disgust and feel sad, angry. It's not justified if you can feel disgust for porn without watching it. It's not justified if you can feel disgust for fantasization. It's not. But things that cannot be justified, can help you feel that it isn't. It's not justified to watch it. But it was my personal experience. Now, I can think about god whenever thinking about porn a lot easier. It doesn't justify that I watched porn. But it created a boundary against porn. A reasoning. It wasn't correct to do it. But was it incorrect. It was against god. But, because of my sin. I felt like it was a genuine moment of god. I do not how to scale this. Thank you for reading May God bless you Amen.
I will disagree with you on this, but please be cautious, Joseph never held hands with Potiphars wife and prayed for her to be delivered (sure might have done when he was away from her) while she tempted him. The only reaction from him is to runaway when she tempted him. Please don't visit P again cause ur brain will rationalise this act and lure you back to see P with the same intent of feeling sorry for Pornstar but you would never know when lust pulls us instantly towards its snares. Thats my personal experience so far pray for the pornstars while you are alone but don't view those videos.
No, I completely understand what you are saying. I am just saying what I experienced. I know no matter how you are watching porn it is sinful. But I just wanted to report it down. I understand how it can rationalize porn. Porn is porn. Lust is lust. No matter how you watch it will always be sinful. But the amounts of sin can deplete based on how you watch it? Anyways. Completely understand. I know this could be a trap. It doesn't matter if I watch porn and cry to it. It's still watching porn. It doesn't matter if I don't fap to porn. Still watching porn. But all I want to say is that I felt the holy spirit. I understand that it's completely wrong to watch porn in any circumstance. I'm just saying that it didn't feel like I was watching porn. It felt like I was forgiving myself. Thank you for reading. God loves you Amen.
I could see this as a step in the right direction. The goal is no lust in our hearts. As you have said, it runs counter to this goal to expose yourself to material designed to excite lust within you. Perhaps this was a one-time thing to help you gain some clarity. You've noted it, rightfully I think. Now, take the next step...
Thank you, I feel like you just have described it perfectly. A moment of clarity. I certainly do no want to watch porn while absolutely bawling to it again. No. Because I do not want to watch porn. The next step is to stop it. I believe it was a moment of clarity as you said.
