Hi all. Here is a summary of my situation. Early 20’s two rejections with huge impact on me. Never really used porn; but masturbated a lot (say about once per day in many periods). Mid-20’s: fall into (legal) prostitution addiction. For about 5 years. Wonderfully stopped with love and relationship, recently failed, bringing into a huge relapse of 4 months. I decided to put a stop on the whole thing. Even the fapping. Until I fully sort myself out. I tried for about a week. After a tough night to fall asleep, where I was haunted by erotic fantasies, I failed almost in sleep: I woke up in the middle of the night with this hot (flirty) colleague that in my dream was saying “let me help you release all this tension”. It was so fucking vivid. However when I woke up I was fully awake (not some kind of sleep walking). And I did release the tension. Reset the day after and yet one more time the day after. I got inspired by a recent post. So I’ll start a diary of my struggle seeing if I manage to make it to 90 even with NoFap (not to speak of the rest). Day 0: let’s see where I get! Please share anything that might help me in the travel. Especially when it might get hard etc. If it can help: I am currently on a perfect diet and exercising daily. I work hard and have hence in total basically a bit less than 1 free hour per day. On the other hand, anxiety and stress can haunt me. I meditate. I never shared with anybody my addiction, because of shame.
@Sisiphus welcome to the forum, and congrats for sharing about your addiction! Shame and guilt are a prison that can keep us locked up in a horrible place for a long time. Typing and speaking about your addiction in a place / with a person(s) who understand your struggle is a massive first step to turning the tables on it, and walking a new path. I would recommend looking up some Sex Addicts Anonymous literature and seeing if they help for you. They've certainly helped me in my battle against porn/sex/fetish/chat addiction
@Longtime27 thanks so much I will keep your advice in mind! Day 1: Did not even have the idea. So, this was easy. Day 2: Some vague echoes of horniness had been visiting me. Nothing big. Just staring a bit longer a casual internet image of a boobie-blondie. So today is looking also doable. But I feel like a sailor navigating in calm waters that starts to sense the storm is coming. I have been into this shitty degeneracy long enough to feel that the tough days are on the horizon. Hopefully I will stay (both spiritually as physically) *hard* not hoping for the usual quick relief
Day 3: Got some sensual ideas when I woke up while writing my diary. Started fantasizing about future encounters/dates. I tried to think about “what other things” aside from huge sex match would be a great match and how beautiful it would be if those things would come in harmony. The thoughts by now were switched off. Then worked my fucking ass off for 3 hours at the gym. Now I am so tired that I barely remember what sex is about Hard days apparently still need to come.
