35 and older accountability, Group 2

2024 is off to a poor start for me. I slipped and lost 50 days, then I binged some more. I adjusted my filters again to try to make it harder. Endless game of cat and mouse. I'm tired from porn use. I miss the feeling of clarity, lightness and energy that I felt when I was sober.

 

One day at a time training the mind to stop seeking happiness in form and resting in the peacefulness of the soul.

 

Be gentle with yourself brother, you are still here and this time is a fresh start. I learned there is only so much we can do about our evolution, sometimes surrender and acceptance can increase our frequency and being grateful to get back up once again. If talking to someone and getting extra accountability can help dont hesitate to reach out - for now keeping you in prayer and trusting a wonderul new year!

 

Day 19,...was a wired day, didn´t feel the super powers, stress and almost slipped. Shutting PC down after this comment. Focus focus focus!! You don´t want this, you don´t need this, come on!!

@ANewFocus Having seen the light is a great tool. Getting back to that clarity, to that moment,...you did it once, you can do it again!!!

 

Hello, I'm checking in.

I haven't had many urges. I'm trying to keep it up. I'm just very glad I have a good two weeks on my counter now. I did well in October and things were busy, but then I really fell hard starting in November and it lasted most of December. At the end of the year, I began to have a great soberness of my thoughts. I'm on the right track now. I need to stay on it. I believe I can.

 

So today feels pretty awesome - I remember starting this and thinking how can I get to the next day, or the next week. Watching others relapse and worrying I'd be next.

But here I am looking at a day counter that says 300 - I can't quite believe it!!

All I can say is stay determined my friends. It is possible to quit. It is possible to leave those old ways behind. We don't need to wank or watch porn. I'm so much happier with my life now and can't imagine ever wanting to go back!! See you at 600 days!!

 

@Kn0wbie congratulations, it´s great to see you succeed and surpassing all doubts! Go for 600!

 

Gentlemen, I got today back to 0 today, tried as hard as I could to restrain and as much as I could. Still trying to understand where and why so much urge came from, wired. While it didn´t work out in the end, I´m partially glad that I could fight it for a couple of hours at least.
After a full day of work with meetings including my managers and superiors, I had some work left to do. Time was running out and I could n´t find a single clear thought in my head. A blank sheet of Excel staring at me, cursor blinking,...all CPU taken by the urge. Couldn´t clear up my mind, left the room, started doing other stuff, fresh air, calling a friend,...still there.

My depression got better thanks to the nofap, and looking forward to continue recovery and progress.

Glad to have had 3 weeks on the counter, a first strike in 2024!

Keep fighting

 

Day 2. While Mondays are especially risky, today getting prepared with a good morning routine, even making this update to get things on track. Preparing for a good week!

Keep fighting

 

Monday checked, Tuesday next,...step by step, getting back. Am I involuntarily rapping? Mood is getting better, confidence too, unplugging my laptop from inet in the evening now, putting some more barriers up.

 

Hello, a quick check in here...

I've been doing well generally but I'm starting to have more kinds of urges and I can sense a lessening of soberness in my thinking. My urges are causing me to think less sober. I feel I'm becoming more vulnerable due to the lessening of soberness of mind, and increasing urges. I'm holding on to the days I have and I have felt great and so happy to be free from PMO for this time. I don't want go back to PMO.

 

Do you have any habits that you use to battle urges, short term and long term? For instance, cold showers and internet blockers for short term, meditation and accountability partners for long term.

 

I've identified habits that help a lot mostly to do with diet and exercise. When I get out of my normal routine though, it can throw me off. In October I was out of my routine but I did well the whole month. Then in November something threw me off and I was in the worst time until about the end of December. Now I've been very good this year also due to a soberness and real shame that 2023 was not better. This has got me to this 20 days now without much effort. Except in the last few days some kinds of urges have come to the surface and I can tell my soberness of mind is diminishing some. Overall, I'm in a good although vulnerable state. It's risky to be online for me even right now as I get tired and I'm alone. I will be careful with this and likely go offline soon for the night.

As far as the battle, I'm sure that some exercise will go a long way. Except, I haven't been exercising because I think I strained my arm and I want it to heal. I will probably need to do a lower body workout, tomorrow. I also have been putting off exercising because I'm tracking my calories and I'm trying to learn how to eat enough so I won't loose weight. So it has been easier not to exercise and then eat less calories. I do need to exercise though and I'm sure it will help a lot.

 

Exercise and diet help me a lot, too. And I totally get it; getting thrown off the diet and exercise routine can lead to getting thrown off in a lot of other places, too, specifically PMO.

I don’t know if it helps, but one thing I’m learning is that 10 min of exercise is better than none. If I eat not great for lunch, I can still make an effort to eat a good dinner. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Missing my morning workout doesn’t mean I’m a pos and I might as well blow the rest of the day. It just means I missed my morning workout. Even The Rock misses workouts from time to time.

20 days is a lot of stored up sexual energy. Maybe look into a chakra meditation or a microcosmic orbit or some qi jong or something. It might help. Good luck, stay strong

 

I love your thinking here. I often think about all or nothing. If I've eaten poorly, I might as well make it a bad day and get ice cream. I like your approach that 10 minutes of exercise is better than none. I often find when I do that 10 minutes, I end up feeling like I'll do more.

I find that my greatest success happens when I'm able to do diet, exercise and PMO together. It's like a three-legged stool for me. I fail one (usually diet or PMO) and then the stool falls over. But you're right. I have the choice any moment of any day to start repairing that stool, to make it stable again.

 

I feel you, I’m the same way. Might as well just go all the way. But, obviously, it doesn’t serve me/us. Good luck, stay strong!

 

Made it through a really rough night last night. The physical anxiety and discomfort was high. I did breathing exercises, dessert, watched shows to make me laugh, laid on the couch watching TV, did a little exercise, listened to music. Nothing really helped much. I have days like this. I got through this one.

 

Hi guys! I lost my streak at the end of the year...Vacations w/out regular sex w/wife was hard. Now I´m fighting against adultery, bc a woman of the past appeared again...I´m just telling bc sexual traps are related w/ PMO...Pray for me.

 

How can you cut off contact with this woman? The pain at the end of this path is much worse. I see so many men in SAA in their 50s and 60s that are near divorced, divorced and miserable after their infidelity was found out. At that age, the marriages that do survive are walking zombies.

 

Have any of you read the book “Going Deeper” by Eddie Capparucci? It talks about the inner-struggles of porn and sea addiction. So it’s not just about stopping the behavior, but about doing the inner work to find and heal the issues that drive us to this kind of behavior in the first place.