Hi everyone, I’ve been on NoFap for just over 5 years and have met a lot of people and had a lot of interesting discussions. I’ve seen all sorts of struggles, all sorts of results in recovery. There is a common thread that I’ve seen over the years, which is this: Many times addiction will lead you down a path of destruction. It leads you deeper and deeper into a never ending rabbit hole. It leads you into genres of P and fetishes that you wouldn’t (in your wildest dreams) have even considered before. It leads heterosexual people to view gay porn and even question their own sexuality. It leads people to question their own gender. It leads people to seek dangerous and risky sexual experiences. It warps people’s realities and causes serious damage to a person’s character, self esteem, and can lead to divorce, depression, criminal behavior and in some cases even taking one’s own life. All of this comes about because our brains are seeking chemicals. And it will stop at nothing to get those chemicals. It’s the same as drug addiction, or any other type of addiction for that matter. And in order to get the same high, we need something even more stimulating (or a higher dose of the drug or a new and even more dangerous drug). Pornography is extremely dangerous. It can literally destroy your life if you let it. Recovery is possible but it requires a lot of effort and dedication and perseverance. Some people take years to overcome it. But it is possible to heal if we can break the cycle of addiction and escalation. I was able to overcome P 15 years ago after an amazing amount of effort. Life is WAY better now. I no longer think of P. It doesn’t have even the slightest allure. I’m here on NoFap to overcome a masturbation and fetish addiction. So is NoFap worth it? It could literally save your life.
Im experiencing so many of the things you've just listed. It's like you we talking about me personally. I never knew it was having such an impact on me. Ive awlays been so careful not to fall i to other additions, but this whole time there was pornography taking over my life. Congratulations on your no P! 15 years is amazing. Im still over here couting days.
@Jefe thanks for such a well constructed and articulate post. I can identify and agree with all of it, expect that for me, NoFap opened the door, but currently SAA 12-Step is really forming the basis of my recovery. Either way whatever available tools, resources or methodologies you use, addiction does pound us into a pit of misery and despair. I heard Dr Andrew Huberman describe addiction as a 'narrowing of the range of things that bring you joy'. I.e we will experience a reduction in feelings of joy for anything else beyond the focal point of our addiction. Seemed relevant to share here Thanks again
Yes, I feel that "narrowing" in my life. Nofap has helped, counseling and I'm also in an SAA online group but it's still a fight.
Dr. Huberman’s quote chimes in with another quote I came across: “The more joyful you become, the less need for pleasure in your life. When you are not joyful, there will be desperate activity, and compulsive sexuality is one of these.” Thanks for the post.
Great post. How about considering this question? Why do we need to get high in the first place? Why is our brain seeking chemicals? We can talk about dopamine etc until kingdom come, but what is driving this desperate need/attempt to get high, even at the cost of our physical and psychological health, and even our sanity? To say nothing of the pain and suffering we inflict on others, even if that is not done on purpose. I’ve posted a quote in reply to another post on this thread that might give us an idea of what the hell is going on here.
Fetishes are when certain inanimate objects turn you on sexually. P involves people. I can walk down the aisle of a department store, see adult diapers and be triggered to buy and wear them. I don’t have to look at P at all. Back when I was addicted to P, some of it was related to diapers but from a very young age I had an affinity towards diapers for some reason. Definitely a child psychological issue. So to answer your question, they can be related but they can also be independent.
I am testimony in how one's use of porn will escalate in response to needing more diverse and extreme types of porn. And it got so bad, that I committed sexual crimes and went to prison for 15 years. I cannot blame porn solely for my crime, there are childhood issues that made my preferences of porn and sexual behaviors the end result of my reenacting or bringing to fruition my own childhood molestation. I suppose, porn to some is not a problem. For some, as myself, can be fuel to fire up a deep seeded problem. I was being honest when telling yhe Parole Board during my hearing, that my crime was nearly an exact reflection in the porn that I was frequently using. I have yet to see someone reference "chat room " or "cyber sex" as a addiction issue. I would go into chat rooms as an underage female teenage to lure an older man to 'cyber molset' me. My addiction went unchecked, and lost a 24 year marriage, my children, 29 years as a chef, and m the ability to forgive myself for my crime. Yet even though I know the psychological and neurological information about how I am a porn and masturbation addict, I still struggle with it. And here I am, recovering. Recovering from all the destruction... one day at a time.
Thank you for sharing your experience @Tuscola. Porn truly can be like putting fuel on the fire of other underlying issues, which only makes everything spiral out of control. But good for you for trying to overcome it, even after everything you’ve had to go through. I wish you the best as you try to recover and rebuild the damaged areas of your life.
Thanks for this thread. Personally I've never acted out on anything, I've always kept it solely in the realm of fantasy. That in and of itself is still a huge problem for me however. As I'm a virgin with basically no relationship experience I've conditioned my brain not to desire actually interacting with women in real life or wanting to be with them sexually/romantically, and instead be content with just watching. I wouldn't go as far as to say this is a cuckold fetish, I actually find that disgusting and thank God I never fell into that trap. It's more of a voyeur sort of thing. I've also escalated into porn genres that don't align with my sexuality or moral beliefs. To such an extent I've often gaslighted myself into believing that I'm something other than what I am. It's taken me a long time to recognise that the way my family has treated me growing up probably counts as psychological abuse. Thankfully there was never anything physical on that front but I was molested as a child by a girl my age. It took me years to recognise that too - in hindsight it absolutely was sexual assault. Combine this with teasing by boys and girls and I've grown up to be afraid of people and not want to be around them. I remember reading an article about how some people, for whatever reason, don't receive the correct chemical response when they interact with others. Instead of being happy to meet people and spend time with them, it makes them anxious and fearful. In some cases it literally triggers their fight or flight response. I'm confident I'm one of these people. Despite all this I'm trying to stay positive. I'm really trying to move on from this and reclaim the sense of self I had before I became a heavy addict. I've lost too many years to shit shit already.
