That's it

At some point of november I decided I'd abstain from PMO at least till new year.

I was doing really well, but after a somewhat stressful travel, I had a quite lucid wet dream which made me "loose my streak".

I wouldn't normally consider it to be a lost streak since it was a dream, but I knew what I was doing in my dream (though I understand I'm way less conscious), and most importantly I felt the symptoms of a lost streak immediately. Lethargic, anxious, etc, you know the drill.

Well, I ended up binging this weekend. Six times in two days. A lot when I think about it.

I hate loosing my streak, not because of a stupid number, but because I know I'll behave like stupid socially anxious unfocused dopamine-driven nerd for at least a few days, and I'll stay like that as long as I keep PMOing.

That is, as long as I keep PMOing. So, I was originally making this post to say "That's it, I'm starting the new streak right now", but I'm wondering what is actually the best approach. What do you guys think? Setting a deadline for 90 days and go cold turkey? The good ol' "one day at a time"?

Keep in mind I'm ADHD.

I hate that now it becomes harder to not binge PMO again. Damn. It's so easy when I'm on a streak. WILL THIS STOPPP

 

As I have trouble regulating my own emotions, sometimes what I'm looking for with these posts is some kind of accountability. Maybe it's not the best for my human experience, but it really works having someone you look up to say to you "do exactly this".

It feels better making a promise to someone else. It honestly doesn't feel really bad when I deceive myself. Now that I mention it, it obviously may have something to do with my own self-worth. I don't really believe my promises. Damn that sucks. Gonna work on that, I should trust myself, and maybe should actually feel bad to deceive myself.

 

Yeah it sucks, but honestly I kind of see them coming. Sometimes I "ask for it", or even if I don't, I spend the day loading up my desire, by fantasizing, or by looking at women online, on the streets, etc.

On I side note I had a speck of dust on my screen and thought your counter said MINUS 17 Days was saying why this fella got a negative streak, he planning something

 

Last time was sunday, but setting my counter for yesterday. Gonna do the 90 days right away

 

I'll probably use this thread from time to time as a kind of journal.

I just started and I already had some urges and rationalizations. "I can do one more and start tomorrow". "You can start fresh next year".
Rationalizations don't appear as much though, it's more like a feeling that is not actually bad. I just have a faint urge and I don't feel at all like is a bad thing to start watching some videos.
Also a feeling that "I will PMO today anyway", so it feels more like delaying the unavoidable. Right now, I really feel that nothing can convince me of NOT doing it. I don't feel like NOT doing it, if you know what I'm saying.

I feel like I will do it and I don't feel bad about it at all. And that is what concerns me.