New rock bottom after rock bottom… hating myself

mananddog · Nov 16, 2023

I’m really struggling. The last 3 months I have plummeted back into my sick addiction. Each time, sinking deeper and absorbing more content that I regret. Every time I relapse it feels like a new low, and one where I feel like things can’t get any worse. It leaves me in total disparity and self loathing, but I get an urge and I’m right back into it again. It feels like I’m 2 different people. The shame and the self hatred. The urge. The shame. Over and over, it’s like spiral out of control and I hate myself for it.

At the moment I can’t even last 1 day. And I’ve previously recorded some year long streaks. This makes it even worse every time I relapse. I know how hard it is to get back up and I want to start on that journey, but I can’t muster the motivation to stop urges when I hate myself.

I have a girlfriend and I feel like I’m betraying her every time I relapse as well, I’m so worried I’m changing, but when I relapse that goes out the window.

I can’t even get up to workout, or motivate myself to even eat 3 meals a day. I’m just relapsing for hours on end wasting my time to pixels on a screen. It’s even effecting my work life.

I needed to get this off my chest, but if you’ve made it this far thanks for reading. I’d really appreciate anyone who wants to be an accountability partner to add me on discord: jimmyoo. I need a soundboard and someone who is seriously on a journey to be PMO free for daily check ins or just general friendly talk. Thanks brothers.

Iamcryinginside · Nov 18, 2023

Why do you choose to watch porn tho? I mean you can easily say that "I got a high libido" or "i am weak willed" but usually there is a reason why you turn to it even though you dont want to and please don't say "its like a drug addiction >:0" because its a biological human behaviour to do it; its a behavioural thing and you need to figure out why your so desperate to turn to it. Also why are you focusing on becoming PMO free when your literally addicted to porn? Seems kinda unrealistic to start focusing on being PMO free straight away rather than just focusing on...

dealing with your mental health (it determines everything trust me)

dealing which the circumstances causing you to turn to porn

gradually ease your way out of porn and masturbation

its a behavioural addiction, stop crying about being addicted and actually figure out why you usually turn to it.

Also don't focus on getting streaks, if you relapse you don't lose all your progress; it's like saying your on a diet and as soon as you eat one burger you instantly gain the 50lbs you lost. Ngl sounds like dumb logic to me. I would go as far to say "streaks" are toxic for your mental health. Just focus on not doing it but if you do it anyway just learn why you did it and move on and realise you still made progress. Have some respect for yourself.

Just use the formula days not fapped (in a month for example) - days fapped (in a month for example) = productivity number (in a month for example).

good day!

fusion47 · Nov 18, 2023

mananddog said: ↑

I’m really struggling. The last 3 months I have plummeted back into my sick addiction. Each time, sinking deeper and absorbing more content that I regret. Every time I relapse it feels like a new low, and one where I feel like things can’t get any worse. It leaves me in total disparity and self loathing, but I get an urge and I’m right back into it again. It feels like I’m 2 different people. The shame and the self hatred. The urge. The shame. Over and over, it’s like spiral out of control and I hate myself for it.

At the moment I can’t even last 1 day. And I’ve previously recorded some year long streaks. This makes it even worse every time I relapse. I know how hard it is to get back up and I want to start on that journey, but I can’t muster the motivation to stop urges when I hate myself.

I have a girlfriend and I feel like I’m betraying her every time I relapse as well, I’m so worried I’m changing, but when I relapse that goes out the window.

I can’t even get up to workout, or motivate myself to even eat 3 meals a day. I’m just relapsing for hours on end wasting my time to pixels on a screen. It’s even effecting my work life.

I needed to get this off my chest, but if you’ve made it this far thanks for reading. I’d really appreciate anyone who wants to be an accountability partner to add me on discord: jimmyoo. I need a soundboard and someone who is seriously on a journey to be PMO free for daily check ins or just general friendly talk. Thanks brothers.
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I feel the same. Ive alienated all of my friends and all ive really got left is family. But you have a gf. You must beat this, for her. Maybe try cuddling when you get an urge?
Also, im not always active, but im in a similar place to you, if you want to talk just pm bro

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New rock bottom after rock bottom… hating myself

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