15+ years of hell, and finally free

Salute to late Dr. Gary Wilson, who created yourbrainonporn.com, Alexander Rhodes, youtubers Mark Queppet, Seth Alexander for the help I got for coming out of hell.

I was exposed to women's lingerie ads in very childhood (I cant remember, i was too young). From very childhood I was interested in women's bodies and couldn't keep my paws away from porn. Growing up the item dances of Indian movies pierced my innocence at very young age. Started masturbating very young and was under constant feeling of insecurity. The teachers of school always preferred and loved the students who got high grades in class and my average yet good enough grades made me feel extremely insecure.

I still remember the day I first tried to talk to a girl in kinder garden - all the boys ganged up and called me "girl" and laughed at me. Frightened and isolated I grew up without much friends and I had no knowledge about how to socialize with people. Hitting grade 6 was extremely difficult as I had to watch the boys who called me "girl" for talking to a girl talking and befriending and getting personally close with all the girls in class while I was stuck in all ways possible. I couldn't even make friends with boys.

By grade 10 I was convinced I will never get any girl and started thinking about switching over to boys because I was so tired of being alone. This thinking got myself together with some men and I didn't enjoy the things we did.

College was the hell for me. Watching everyone hanging out with girlfriends made me extremely insecure. That's when we got cheap and free 4g internet at that time thanks to Reliance jio, my porn use skyrocketed. I started watching porn all night often from 9 PM till 5 AM. Prolonged period of edging and masturbation made me feel very bad and sacrificing precious sleep time was catching up on me.

Things started to get better when for some reason one day I somehow felt like searching for "Porn addiction" in google. Reading the search results made my heart pounding hard and made me scared. I discovered nofap.com that day. And marks the beginning of my porn addiction related knowledge seeking and recovery journey that lasted 6 years. I have read so much content that was shared here in our forums, and there are times when I felt there is no hope for me when all I had was some success stories shared in this thread.

The last time I fapped to porn with porn controlling me was Nov 1st 2022. Will never forget that day. I finally overcame my addiction and went on to complete a big streak of 11 months after that day. Even though my streak ended, it was under my terms under my control - no porn - and I'm not regretting it in any way. I now realize my control over my sexuality and I will never use porn.

If you feel like you cant do it, if you feel like life is getting difficult, don't hesitate to send me a message. I will always hear you out. You matter, the world needs you and it needs you in your best condition.

 

Hey man, how are you ? Sounds like you are afraid of temptations. Temptations will come all the time. Even after recovery. But dont be afraid of them. Because by then you will have the ability to accept them , process them and then ignore them instead of relapsing. Gradually you this power will build up slowly. Dont be afraid. When you are ready, you will be able to completely ignore nude pictures even if they accidentally come across your youtube or insta or something like that. I'm in a stage like that. I can even watch porn videos and then completely not care about it if I want.

 

you have to gradually build up the ability to not feel bad when temptation comes. you have to accept that you will feel temptations in future. you know it will happen. so don't feel bad for it. even I feel temptation... but instead of feeling bad, gradually I got the ability to ignore the temptations. you will also get it. when the temptations come, take time to accept and think about the internal conflict

 

you can talk to me anytime about anything... nofap or life or job issues , school issues , anything... its totally okay. life is hard and we all need support.

about temptation - don't worry/fear temptations. our goal is to live life free and happy no matter how many temptations come our way. you need to trust yourself a little bit more. true freedom is my state, where even if accidentally some nudity comes in front of my eyes I will be ignoring it completely. you can reach that stage too. I am not going to tell you to stop watching movies and YouTube, because I think it's a little bit extreme. but feel free to try it, see what works

 

i know brother... I lived like that for 15 years

 

Yes. You will eventually learn to adapt. If I can do it you can definitely do it too.

One thing you must understand is, addiction is not an enemy that you are fighting against. Lack of activities to do in free time, lack of hobbies, things to do etc are what causes this. You have to identify your common triggers that start these temptations and come up with plans to avoid those triggers. Also its equally important that if you relapse, do not ever feel bad for yourself, accept that you failed one time - then think hard and understand how it all started and how you relapsed and LEARN FROM IT HOW TO AVOID THE SAME SITUATION NEXT TIME...! That is the most important thing to do when we fail - learn how we failed and try to understand what happened, how it happened and tell your self how you will respond differently next time the same situation happens.

 

Thank you ... i wish you peace and happiness too...

yes. i myself are not much successful with women. recovery from porn comes from yourself. the problem is now when a temptation comes, your heart beats fast and you take the decision to relapse very quickly. what you need to do is create a delay in that moment. try to think how it makes you feel after a relapse when you are facing with temptation. remember the mental pain and bad feeling you felt when you relapsed the last time. then gradually the temptation will go away.

coming back to your original question, yes it's totally possible to overcome this without sex with girlfriend/wife

 

its totally possible to overcome our addictions without medicine.