90 days challenge

Hello,

I masturbated a couple minutes ago. I don't want this behavior anymore in my life, so i will dedicate 90 days, writing here everyday, how my day went, toughts and all. I pledge before God to stop masturbating and watching porn or any sexual things. I put my honor and my dignity on the line here, by stopping and committing to write here even if it's one word, ever day of this 90 days and also dropping a word of help to everyone that is also struggling with this actions. Wish me good luck brothers and sisters, i wish you strength and courage on your path.

 

First tought (not the first day)

How easy it seems to fall prey to easy pleasure and promise that everything will be great once you do a particular action. Today i tought to myself: Evil disguise itself. It will never appear out front as evil. but the more you call it and feed it with what you deem "little pleasures" here and there, the more you will find one day that it took you and your whole being, and that you never realised. Stay viligant, brothers and sisters. It's a constant battle.

 

1st Day:

Well, nothing, haven't done it. But everywhere the temptation is there.

 

2st Day:

Felt pangs of wanting to do it, but i did not do it. But at times, it felt like i should do it. Like it's normal. It is. Sure. But normal in the hands of the unprepared, rapidly or slowly become perverted. Everything has levels of strength and importance in our life, and you must account for them when making your decisions.

 

Restarting Again.
Hopefully this time's the right time.
I'm aiming for staying off porn, masturbation and any sort of orgasm for a year.
I want to heal from my trauma, build myself a self i can rely upon, skills and a life.
There we go !

 

Fell off the bandwagon today after a 25+ streak.
Gave in to the temptation, mixed with alchohol.
No time to cry over spilt milk. What's done is done.
Understood more the triggers, feeling alone, bored, influenced by alcohol and wanting some "fun".
Got to be more vigilant next time.
Getting stronger with every failure, i'm still continuing and going at it.
I am the only one that can reach my goal, if i don't do it, no one is going to do it for me.
Let's go !

 

Waking up from a nightmare. Time to look forward and build with what's there. I will defend my life and right to exist. Fiercely.

 

Thank you bro, thanks for the advice ! After a couple relaplse lately i've been trying to take it step by step indeed.
Power to you also, nice streak !

 

The temptation knocks. It's there. It lurks. It waits. It's patient. Very patient. Sometimes i yield. But after every fall i get stronger. I get smarter. and more determined. I will see myself through this.

 

Hello Sysifos, thank you for your response. Indeed you are right, i tend to focus too much on myself, and sometimes that leads me up to bad decisions. I will work with more attention to that.

 

Hi Steven R,
Thank you, that's what i do. Unfortunately i fapped today after a 15 days, but i don't see that as a failure, i'm getting stronger, and confronting my demons and trying to integrate my shadow. I'm aiming now at 30 days, and i will be focused more on eliminating the trigger for this (sometimes food and dopamine release making me want to seek more). Thank you for your encouragement, good luck to you too.

 

Fapped after a 15 days streak. Now looking forward a 30 day streak. Let's go

 

Echoes of friendly voices give hope, but my courage falters in face of the temptation.

Loneliness, wanting something that i can never have, fuels fantasies of sex, which porn helps materialize. The devil whispers, every time i resist "sure, i'm going to get you the next time", and next time comes and i resist, and then "sure i'm going to get you next time" and eventually gets me rightly so, vulnerable and ashamed, like a child who got caught redhanded in mischief in front of his father, i look up at God for forgiveness and a "pass for this time" , which i know i don't deserve because i didn't wanted to suffer, i didn't wanted to do the hard way, and listened to all the reasons to do it :

"oh you have to release once in a while !"

"you need to get that sexual energy and craving out this last time so you can be free from it" !

"You're going to be alone anyway, why not enjoy yourself ?"

"That girl looks so good, and is getting used so bad, i cannot help it"

and so on and so forth, endless whispering from the devil.

Sexual cravings and lust are not to be fought against, they are to be avoided. Fighting them is like squirming in quicksand, it only serves to get you deeper into it. I have underestimated the devil power of bringing me to lust, and the power of lusting in real life and porn. I cannot win this without help from God, which i admit i conveniently put aside when it's time to sin.

The only person that can keep me afloat, out of it is myself with the help of God. I need to be stronger. I need to say no and not inquire to it, i need to continously stay vigilant over my thought, over what i watch, what i eat and what i long for. I need to get out of my head and it life. I am on my own on this path. On the path of hopefully transforming this "I" to "We". A proper "We".

Thank you all for your kind words and taking the time to write on my wall. I wish you strength and power on the road that we all on.

Sincerely,