5 Years No PMO for me as well - here's what worked

So I have a lot to say on this subject and I could probably write a book. But here is the cliff notes:

1. Do the things that work for people who have multiple years off of it. I find a lot of people won't listen. Listen to the people with wisdom and have recovery. Do the things that worked.
2. Blockers, although not the end all or be all, they are very useful in the sense that you can't act out immediately with them in place. Even if you find a way around them, they still slow the process down and give you a chance to think "Do I really want to screw up my life today?" Whereas, without them, you can end up looking at porn in 5 seconds.
3. Exercise/healthy dopamine
4. Spiritual program/spiritual practice/prayer
5. Support groups like this/12 step/recovery groups etc
6. Therapy (definitely recommend hypnosis too, cognitive, brainspotting, EMDR)
7. find hobbies to replace the old bad habits
8. Help others! Be generous. Be of service. Porn is a selfish destructive act. Do the opposite: constructive generous acts.
9. get real with yourself, be honest. If you're most likely to look at porn on Saturday nights, find a plan to ENSURE that don't happen
10. MEDITATION
11. Remember the pain you felt the last time you slipped and use that as motivation to not do it again. Remember the pain when you're having euphoric recall
12. Think about the consequences of what life will be like if you do it. Write about it.
13. Use your desires for having a better life as motivation to not act out. KNOW that looking at porn will SABOTAGE your career, life, sex life, love life, EVERYTHING. If you can really get this glued into your brain, it will help.
14. Get out of the house, plan out your day, make it challenging to even be in situation where you can look at p
15. Go for the joy, have things to look forward to. By finding the joy in life, you end up cultivating things that porn would threaten. So focus on the joy. Using porn will strip that joy away. Know that.
16. Turn your head away when you see triggering material in the real world. Don't watch streaming shows or go on social media sites that will trigger you. Stay away, look the other way. Do your best with this as work sometimes requires social media. Use it sparingly or don't use it at all.
17. Treat this like an adventure not a chore.
18. Be weary of shame. Shame is a destructive force. Heal your shame. Don't let it con you into relapsing
19. Don't beat yourself up or reset your time over minor things like looking at bikini models. Set yourself up and your life up to keep you away from porn no matter what. Other milder things although not advisable are not the same. Although this stuff can serve as a gateway drug, just be mindful. Looking at bikini models although triggering and frustrating will not destroy your life like watching porn. I also agree with the other post, don't obsess over day count. Try to forget about how many days it's been. If you follow this list, you'll be off of porn for 6 months in no time.
20. find the things that work for you.
21. Separate p and m. Don't ever use them together again.
22. Get a year under your belt. After a year, it was easier to never go back.

Good luck!

 

Awesome. I don't M very often. I haven't for a year. I did it a few times last year and before that I went a few years without. But I have a partner. So if it wasn't for her, I'd probably M a little more. My philosophy is if you're single, M when you have to (for me it was like at the 6 week-2 month mark) but if you have a partner, you don't really need to M. But I still don't make a big deal out of it if it happens. I personally don't enjoy it that much so it's semi easy for me to forget about it. i will say I still crave P sometimes because of all the imagery which is insane. That's why I post stuff like this here, try to be helpful. Helps me.

 

I understand what you're saying. I don't know you or your story. But I bet that if you give up PMO and P and live a sober life, you will eventually find sexual gratification far superior to whatever you experienced in p. This will take time and won't happen if you act out. At least for me, my real life experiences far surpass anything I experienced in the virtual world. Even though I can't live out all my fantasies, but can anyone really? Maybe some stars do but it comes with a price. P creates unrealistic fantasies that's why you don't want to engage with it.

 

Although I don't think M is terrible, I personally don't really do it. Very rarely. Healthy dopamine. If I'm feeling pain, I have to go to my tools. The things that help pain. I need to do extra recovery stuff. Therapy and therapeutic techniques are key for emotional pain.

 

You could talk to your wife about it. I know that most women really love that we don't look at porn. I bet if you shared your feelings about all this it might lead to something great. It might not be that exact thing but good things come from honesty and sobriety.

 

Another thought about the fetish... There was something I used to really like watching but could never really do in real life. So I ended up exploring on a psychological level why I might be attracted to that one thing. When I kind of broke it down, I was able to let it go a little. It still pops into my mind but doesn't have a powerful hold on me anymore. I've made peace with not looking at it. This is because I got honest about the feelings behind it.

 

That's great man. I know this is probably obvious but the longer you go without p, your sex life will just keep improving. For me, since I don't do M or do anything and haven't for so long, all my sexual energy and focus goes to her. If I were doing that other stuff, everything would be convoluted and she would pick up on it. I also probably wouldn't be as attracted to her and I would be less attractive to her because of all the shame and weird feelings etc.