Hey guys, it's been a while since I last posted here. Since then I've been struggling with a relapse and have returned to daily porn use. So I've decided to seek help from a therapist or psychologist to overcome this addiction. However, since I'm new to therapy kind of thing, I have a few questions to ask: Should I choose a therapist of the same gender? I'm wondering if a therapist of the same gender might better understand my issues, while I might find it easier to open up with someone of the opposite gender. How many sessions usually involved in therapy for this addiction? Are there specific techniques, like CBT, that have been effective in combating this addiction? And if you guys have personal experiences with therapists or psychologists, I'd appreciate it if you could share some of them. Thanks!
Hi I have been in therapy multiple times. My issues were emotional neglect and trauma as a young person, and we also worked on porn related things. My first therapist was a woman, close to my own age and very attractive. You might think that could be a trigger, but it was not. I felt comfortable with her as she was both empathetic and discerning. She also held me accountable. We mainly did CBT, and did so twice a week. I would have continued with her, but she left private practice to work with the VA and PTSD veterans. I was crushed when she told me, mainly because she was the only human that I had talked to about so many things things and I did trust her. I at times did wonder what she really thought of me, that maybe she was judging me, but I now believe she knows everyone has their baggage and that she did really want to help and cared. If I saw her again I would not hesistate to walk up to her and say hi. A few years later I was still struggling and tried with another therapist, a male. He was nice, but it just didn't really click, so I stopped after about 6 sessions. My last therapist was amazing. He was very old and extremely intelligent. We started with twice a week and then went to once a week, then every other week at the end. Twice a week is what he recommended for good progress to be made. He listened, and I found that I was even teaching him at times about porn addiction and dopamine imbalance (he is old after all). We developed a great relationship of mutual respect. After about a year I decided that it was time for me to go on my own, and that I had the tools to deal with my issues. He agreed. We still exchange emails here and there as we are genuinely friends, which is not exactly normal, but I am grateful for it. Find someone you are truly comfortable with. I do no think that gender should determine your choice. You may think you want a female, but discover that you make good progress with a male or visa versa. That might mean you have to try a few therapists. Put yourself out there and open up. Do the emotional work- which is mainly letting feelings happen and mindfully think about them. The amazing thing about therapy is that your brain will go to new places, let you see things in new ways, and you will have epiphanies. Things get resolved. You learn about yourself and grow. Try it. It may be what gets you over the hump. Edit: if you have not yet read Dopmaine Nation, do so. It was written by one of the leading psychiatrists in the field and has some very important information about how to quit addictions, including porn.
Hi @newman_unleashed That's some really helpful advice, thank you! I've also read Dopamine Nation, which inspired me to consider seeing a therapist. Glad to know it has gained recognition in this community.
Happy to give my input. I think that therapy is a way to care for yourself, hold yourself accountable, and show by actions that you want to change. No shame in going either. I have plenty of friends that know that I was going and they never judged either. Some even went to therapy themselves. Especially after the pandemic I think most of the stigma about it is gone. Wish you the best!
