Hello, first and foremost, I would like to emphasize that I will be grateful for any advice and every comment, thank you. I've been addicted to pornography for over 15 years, and for more than 10 years, I watch porn every day for 1-6 hours. I've been using a technique called "edging" for about 10 years, doing so dozens of times during such multi-hour sessions. During these several-hour sessions, I can probably watch about 100 movies because I skip from one to another every few minutes. This has been going on with such intensity for 10 years. I've never come across a description of anyone who was as addicted as I am. Most addicts write that they can spend an hour several times a week on pornography. An hour is nothing to me; sometimes, I could spend 10 hours on webcams and various pornography sites, only taking breaks for eating, drinking, and using the restroom. Believe me, I had many months in my life where I spent 10 hours every day watching porn. Since my teenage years, I've suffered from various anxiety and depressive disorders and gastric problems. I have symptoms of social phobia, anxiety, depression, and I also have irritable bowel syndrome, SIBO, reflux. I'm constantly tired, even exhausted. I wake up several or even a dozen times at night. I have no strength or motivation for anything; I feel like a wreck of a human being. I function like a zombie. Here's a list of tests I've had done so far: I've checked the functioning of my thyroid, liver, kidneys, and heart. I've had two sleep apnea tests, had my vitamin B12, D3, folic acid, testosterone, prolactin, estrogen levels checked, had several abdominal ultrasounds, had insulin resistance tests, and had a large number of blood tests and various other tests. All the tests indicate that I am a healthy person - but I feel like a wreck. Recently, I had to quit my job because I wasn't able to go there due to chronic fatigue. I tried working out at the gym - after the gym, the next day I have severe dizziness and extreme fatigue, and my depression worsens even more; I feel much worse. Someone once mentioned online that I might have adrenal fatigue or nervous system exhaustion. I tried taking antidepressants such as citalopram, paroxetine, escitalopram and pramolan but they didn't help me even if I tried to stick to them for 2 months, to be honest I felt even worse on them. Can someone tell me if the way I feel and the fact that I struggle with anxiety disorders, depression, and digestive issues could be caused by compulsively watching pornography for many years, for many hours a day?
I'll preface this by saying I'm not a doctor, so don't take what I'm about to say as medical gospel. But if you've had all these tests and they show nothing, then I'm going to say the answer to your question is a resounding YES. Excessive pornography consumption throws your brain and body out of whack, and edging is the worst of it. I don't edge in the traditional sense, I masturbate to completion over and over again over many hours and that is enough to physically make me ill, mentally make me depressed, and even trigger panic attacks on rare occasions. So I absolutely believe PMO is what's doing this to you. Like many of us, a 90 day reboot won't fix the problem. You will likely need to go for a year, probably more, to start to see signs of improvement. In the meantime you might start to feel worse but that's just a sign of progress. There's a thread about these symptoms you might be interested in. I'll find them and post the links here.
@UnholyConfessor Thank you for replying to me, I really aprreciate that, it's hard to describe how I feel. I feel like a wreck. I hope I can get out of this and feel alive again. I have one more question for you if you don't mind. I read a few topics about nofap. Some people there claim that nofap for more than 70-80 days completely cured them of anxiety disorders, depression, and social phobia even though they had it for many years. Do you think that's possible?"
Is it definitely due to PMO? No, but it's definitely possible and reading your case would go as far to say that it's highly likely. I have the same history of use and the same symptoms - though some have either gone or are improving. I'll level with you though, this isn't going to turn itself around in a few weeks or even months. It's probably going to take a long time. Two things you need to accept first though and that is that you've effectively been doing hard drugs for half of your life, the way you've used porn is extremely damaging and should not be underestimated. Secondly, this isn't something you can cut down on, or do now and then, you have to give it up completely and forever. I'll tell you now that my symptoms got far worse as I went on streaks and relapsed. The normal rules don't apply to the severe cases. A relapse for most is just a stumble, you don't lose all your progress, just carry on. For us however it's potentially even more damaging than just carrying on with your normal routine. If you want to know what symptoms I've suffered from then they are all of those you've listed and a whole lot more. Digestive issues cleared up after 4-5 months, I had chronic diarrhea but not anymore - and I know this is PMO related as every time I've gone on a long streak it has eventually gone away, only to come back even worse upon relapse. Anxiety and social phobia have gone down but still there. I feel tired-ish but not exhausted like before. Depression has been replaced by a constant state of flatness. Sleep is slowly improving. None of those pills and supplements will do anything for you, I can almost guarantee that.
@OhWhenThe Thank you very much... if you had the same symptoms as I did and a similar degree of addiction, I am even more convinced that all of this could be caused by this addiction. Thank you so much for all the advice and tips; it's very helpful to me. What you wrote at the end is very interesting. I tried to improve my health by taking large doses of vitamin D3, magnesium, vitamin B12, b1, b6, folic acid, omega 3, and tried adaptogens like ginseng, rhodiola, and ashwagandha - I either felt worse or noticed no difference at all. For the gut, I tried probiotics, aloe vera, had an endoscopy, colonoscopy, and dozens of other tests; I'm healthy, yet I still feel off, and nothing helps. I've tested dozens of different supplements and vitamins on myself - to no avail, spending a lot of money for nothing. If you don't mind, could you tell me what other symptoms you had besides the ones I have?
There is no doubt that edging to porn is about the most destructive thing you can do to your body. It may be the cause of your health issues (in part). However, there may also be another reason. You may have myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)/chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). These are the same illness by different names. When you have this condition, all the tests you mentioned and much more come back as normal. It can only be properly diagnosed by a doctor/consultant that can take an extensive history. Just ask.
There were so many that's hard to remember but a few of them are/were: - I felt concussed, my brain was totally scrambled - A constant pressure in my head - Couldn't concentrate or focus on anything, taking in information was almost impossible - Overheating for seemingly no reason - Would wake up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat - Sleep paralysis - Night jolts (where you basically "jump" out of sleep) - Aching all over - Acute abdominal pain - Shooting pains in my chest - Shortness of breath - Eyelids twitching - Derealisation - life felt like a game, it wasn't real - Terrible memory - Dead libido / PIED Honestly there were loads. Most have them have either gone or greatly improved. I'm still far from recovered though. Most of the more debilitating symptoms have gone but now I'm left with sexual and emotional flatness. I have no desire or drive for anything, nothing brings me joy, I can't feel anything. Basically just stuck in neutral.
Thank you very much! I'm curious how many people have struggled with similar problems and symptoms as I have. If there is anyone else who has/had similar symptoms, please reach out.
Have you ever thought of using nature to help you heal? It's free, it doesn't take a big effort, you don't need to have any special abilities, you don't need a lot of time each day, and there are no side effects. All you need is the intention to heal, patience, perseverance, and faith.
Thanks IGY! I've read a bit about it and I'm not sure what to think. I don't even know how I could diagnose myself in this direction. From what I've read, this disease is very rare, affecting 0.4% of people, and a large proportion are misdiagnosed as having it. Moreover, from what I've seen, most people struggle to ride a bicycle, but I can ride. I could even go to the gym and do a light or heavy workout, but the next day I'm completely exhausted. I could go up to the 10th floor without an elevator. The thing is, I constantly feel sluggish, powerless, with sleep issues, nighttime awakenings, and constant fatigue for no reason - but when there's a need for physical activity, I can do it. For example, today I cycled 10 kilometers. But for example, right now I'm sitting and I'd rather go to sleep, I feel like I've worked physically for 10 hours. I don't deny that I might have this disease :/
I haven't been here in a while unfortunately, but I think if you're looking at porn that much you would be amazed at how much better you would feel if you were able to stop. Saying it is a lot easier than doing it though. I have a weekend addiction, I get through the week fine and have gotten my porn use down to twice a week. But none of that matters, as excited as I am to get into it that equals the depression, conflict and constant thinking about it that drives me crazy. I've tried 12 step groups, they do help and for some that is their religion and devotion, making every meeting. It sounds like an excuse but it is a lot of traveling and centering your whole life around meetings, seminars etc etc. I just don't have the energy. But enough about me. From my point of view, definitely most if not all of your physical and mental problems could be related to your obsession and the way you drain all your productive time with fantasy and acting out. How can you expect to have energy and a fulfilling life with this addiction? I feel for you, I'm in the same boat, a smaller one but nevertheless the same issue. It doesn't matter how big or small the issue is, if it takes away everything from the rest of your life, it's a big negative. I ask myself if there is anything good about it, and the answer is always no.
Nature plays a big part in my life, and it can really help. I'm a fisherman, I make videos of every trip and I'm always after the big one, and my perseverance gets me some good ones. I also do bird photography, and do well having joined groups sharing the photos I've taken and get a lot of recognition at times. This porn thing is the one dark spot in my life. Nature will help however, even when I'm out doing outdoor things I tell myself to slow down. The rest of life all around us is too fast and anxiety inducing. It's unusual that I have a wife that accepts and even encourages me to enjoy it (porn), and dammit I do! But it's still an addiction that robs me of clear thinking. No one that I share what I do with has any clue about my secret problem. I get away from my original thought, yes nature will help - it's part of what can help.
Thank you for responding. I don't have any blockers installed on my computer. Do you know what's the worst part? In the current state, if it weren't for my family, I could end up homeless. Seriously. I remember when I was working, I would wake up several times during the night, and in the morning I would get up without any strength or energy. On my way to work, I had diziness from fatigue, I was sleepy, physically weak, I looked like a drug addict. Additionally, I had (and still have) gastric problems, reflux, SIBO, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety disorders, constant stress. Combine all this now, imagine me functioning like this. I had to quit my job.
