Relapse

Have a plan, and talk to people about it and follow through as best as you can. Honesty without a plan can be a little like emotional exhibitionism.

 

You need to find a way to change your perception on fapping to porn.
Example
Since this stuff started in my teen years, I didn't realise how porn messed up my perception of women. One of the things which changed my relationship with fapping is when I realised how unrealistic sex is in porn and that irl its pretty much how most parents do it which if you try to imagine is damn nasty lol. I came to the terms of porn is just a form of entertainment and most of the models bodies in those films are unrealistic af and in some cases a lot of the surgeries these models get are actually unhealthy for them. Then I realised I was using porn as a cope for the trauma that happened in my life so my relationship to porn changed. #1 Analyse how to consume porn and realise why your addicted to this stuff; chances are your watching internet porn which usually is more extreme today compared to 30 years ago when the internet was being introduced so find a way to deal with that.

I actually did "relapse" today but it wasn't towards porn and it I got a decent streak up to that point which brings me to my second point.
#2 Don't focus on urges; the issue is the porn your consuming, chances are if your addiction has going on for a while then it means you should be focusing on getting rid of whatever extreme content your watching and if your going to relapse replace it with very plain porn or even just something from a clothing magazine or something. Then when you relapse focus next on just not using porn if your going to relapse. Relapsing after getting a good streak is actually still progress believe it or not.

I know some people may comment and say "but your still relapsing" to which my response is "well how many years has your addiction been going? How come your not able to quit?". If you focus on progressively beating your streak and getting rid of porn when your relapsing your addiction is going to go away sometime or later it's just a matter of actually being patient.

Finally #3 Do something. Rather than sitting around and getting bored, actually go outside for a run or talk to someone. Read something useful, focus on a hobby. If your the type of person who has poor mental health then improve your mental health. Do something which counteracts your urge to fap to down bad content.

Good luck!

 

I believe the #1 thing you can do with a relapse is to use it as a learning opportunity. Taking the time to sit down, and write down what the situation was(any stress, or emotion leading up to the relapse), any triggers that were hitting you in that moment, how you felt when you were exposed to those triggered and how you responded to those feelings, and then write out what you could have done differently at those different stages(the emotion, the trigger appearing, when you responded poorly to the trigger, and when you chose to relapse).

It is useful to write down the things that would help you to get out of the situation entirely, and what you can do to shift the energy. Walking is a great option, as well as going to a public space like a coffee shop. While you are out you can do "self talk" to get into your own head, figure out what was going on, and then you can convince yourself of why you should keep on the path. Lay out the harms PMO has, and the benefits of a life without it. Figure out things you can do instead. That's how I've been approaching it, and it has been helping to shift my perspective, and to actually do something to response to my triggers instead of just auto-piloting to relapse.

 

To be honest bro although I do respect your opinion, in my opinion I think that porn addiction is influenced very much based on the fixed attitudes and mindsets we carry in the long term rather than what's in the moment; sure something which can happen in the short term may tip you over to relapse but if your relapsing frequently, how are you always on edge all the time? I think if you find a way to fix that, it would start to go a long more way than just focusing what happened in the short term since what ever tipped you over may not usually tip you over unless your always on edge or if your mindset leads you to be on edge all the time.

Other than that, I do agree that you should probably take down what may influence you to start thinking of fapping as you mentioned. I would just do it based on small triggers such as boredom or something.

 

Maybe it didn't come across from what I had written, but a focus of that exercise is to shift attitude and beliefs around porn. Interacting with your thoughts and beliefs soon after you act out can help you to work with a side of ourselves that we naturally want to forget about. I can think all sorts of righteous thoughts about porn being toxic and this that and the other for why not to use porn when I am in my normal state of mind, but as my mood shifts and I run into triggers, my thoughts and beliefs are coming from a different state of mind. The thoughts from that state of mind are the ones that've been making me act out the whole time before I wanted to quit and while I wanted to quit and was doing it anyways.

Taking the time to learn how to interact with that version of yourself is how you can shift your perspective on who you are. Many people think of themselves as trapped and subject to their biology or some other limiting belief they have that keeps them from stopping themselves despite a desire to stop. This is a way to break that thought pattern, which can't be done by "just stop thinking that". You have to make new thoughts to summon when you'd think those. That's why you lay out the alternatives you could do when you are sober minded. If you have them laid out, it will be easier to think of options when your mind is foggy. That's why you also lay out what you were thinking at the time, so when that kind of thought comes up again, you actually have response, a better way to think. It's hard to do that when you are triggered and just craving the fix.

Another part of this prompt that helps change the belief is the part where you outline the harms that porn has done and what you stand to gain, the future you hope to have without porn in your life. That can change your mindset on it's own, giving real reason behind your action. If you don't have a strong "why" of why you want to quit porn, you can easily get in a mindset of "it doesn't really matter" or "screw it, I'm gonna' do it". Understanding your past and imagining your future is a great way to give yourself that reason.

This long response is just something you can do in response to relapses. I journal a shorter related version of these ideas daily and keep them on the front of my mind, as well as interact with what how I am thinking that day. If I am thinking it's all BS that day, then I can deal with that. This has so far been the best way for me to actually shift my beliefs. I struggled with having those nice thoughts about why to quit porn, but then they'd do nothing when I was actually triggered to act out. Developing a good reason "why" and having a set of option for how I can respond better really is a great tool.

I think in essence we agree, but either way, we are all still trying to figure out approaches to this problem. We have options as far as how we go about that.

 

I would encourage you to consider what your purpose is in seeking freedom.

It’s hard to know where to run in battle if you don’t know the hill you’re taking. For me personally, my longest streaks have come when I have had a desire to disciple other guys out of this struggle. I’ve recently gotten involved with a purity ministry at our local church. When the temptations come, I think about all of the men I am letting down and of my promise to Jesus to resist.

 

Hey man, I struggle with relapses but for me its always the same kind of thinking that pulls me down and I think it's quite common. When I relapse I also convince myself that I may as well stay down for a little while and enjoy a bit of porn. I don't follow a day counter but a relapse is enough to make me feel like I have to start all over again and that makes me fall back into a cycle. So don't do what I do. Just keep going.