Day 30, trod on! 30 days – Your loved ones send you a gift as a token of their love. Radagast, the Brown, in his rabbit sleigh delivers you Evenstar – a silver necklace with a white stone. "When the memory of the fear and the darkness troubles you...this will bring you aid". Quest Item – Evenstar
It has been a long time, fellowship. I have been living a good life, free of porn. But today, I broke down a little. I slipped up and watched P. I have no intentions to go back there again. And, I’ve finally decided, it’s due time I paid a visit. My life has been going well, I am much more social and that has filled the gap that I was filling with P last year, my recovery seemed to be going on a very good track. But now, I am shunning those things again and P seems to be returning. My insecurities about myself, they are trying to take me over. And tell me I’m not good enough. But I know, I am good enough. It’s a hard battle, this internal conflict. These conflicts in morality. I want to do a thing, but think it’s wrong. I am very religious. But surely, talking to a girl is way better than watching P. I was talking to one, but I felt myself getting too close. And I don’t want that. Its scary. I feel that at the most people can think of me is a friend, nothing closer than that. I may be wrong, that’s a high probability, I’ve never tried to make a girlfriend. I always thought I don’t look good enough. So,.. I am distancing myself, and feeling bad. And now again feeling the urge to watch P. Pray for guidance. Wish everybody luck.
Day 8. Going on. This night I woke up because I started to thinking about that stress source and having bad thoughts, luckyly after a hour I could sleep a bit more. However, I get out of bed late. Today I´m not using the phone, for me it's very important to sucess at dopamine detox. St. Beatrice of Silva, pray for us!
Day 4. No urges yet - but danger is always on the horizon. I’m keeping a watchful eye out for triggers.
Don’t give in. That’s the worse thing to do. You have to stop this cascade that has started before you relapse. It’s NOT worth it. It’s NEVER worth it. You know this. Don’t let your brain trick you into thinking it will be different. It won’t. Do some meditation, be present with your feelings. Don’t act on your urges. You’re part of the Fellowship - be strong.
Thank you, @Average_Joe0285. I didn’t give in. And I am working on resolving the things that were troubling me. And this time, I am not gonna give in and collapse into my mind. I am living my life. Prayers for this entire fellowship. May Allah guide us all rightly.
Day 0. Sorry, I relapsed on P. Curiosity -and memories- kill the cat, as we say here. Starting again.
