Dealing with toxic family members

Well, you can't change some people. I'll just say that having that kind of relationship with your parents could subconsciously shaped how you and others perceive you as kinda immature. I'm not saying you are, just give yourself time alone to think about what you are going to do, maybe its best for you to go away for a couple of weeks or even months.

Also I'd suggest you talk about this with someone, a good listener, so you can let all out, OR maybe not, just write it down or record your feelings. Hope that can help

 

Hmmm the toxic family...
I've had to deal with that in my past and that's not a fun thing to do.
If I were you, start a research on youtube for example. There is so many information about it.
Plus read some good books about toxic families, emotional abuse, but also about how to set boundaries, learn to mourn about what was not available etc.

In fact, you at your 32 years old age, have to separate yourself more from your parents by setting boundaries.
That also means you have to find a way to develop an authentic self, apart from them.
You also have to learn to separate yourself from your parents issues. They have their problems together. These are not yours.
If your father begs you to protect him, he is emotionally abusing you, robbing you from your freedom to handle your issues with your mother. Maybe a good conversation with all 3 of yours can be helping, if possible.

 

I had a similar situtation.

The bad part is that I noticed just a few yeas ago it wasn´t me, but my mother´s inhablity to communicate, her lack of maturity, her manipulative and nocive behaviours, her obsession to try to control everything.

So many days feeling sad and beeing depressed, wondering what was I was doing wrong, or what was wrong with me.

At least you don´t live with them anymore. I haven´t been able to achieve that yet.

Of course she is not a bad mother, but sometimes she behaved like a terrible person.

 

My parents fought like cats and dogs for 18 years until they finally divorced. my mother created so much discontent and chaos she was bordeline and an alcoholic mental health issues.
she would barge into my bedroom at 4am drunk and shouting . she was a headcase. we had a some terrible years.

i spent most of my teenage years on drugs and alcohol and had serious anger issues.

i was convicted of abh when i was 17 i got into a fight with a man in his 40s outside a bar broke his jaw his eye socket his nose and broke 3 ribs . i also booted some fella in the head after he jumped one of my mates and knocked him out cold ..i would walk around the house putting my fist through light switches mirrors or walls in anger.

she was the master of goading at rilling people up the problem is it was mental illness it was relentless and it was compulsive she was cold callous cunniving and unhinged . she was functioning but abusive drunk my father ignored her as much as possible so she would argue with me and my sibling everyday drunk . dr Jekyl and mr hyde scenario i was sick and tired of being subjected to her instability

im generally a fairly relaxed guy im an observer but i know i have serious anger issues and it definitely started because of my mother.

The house was a warzone you couldn't get away she would follow you room to room drunk she would wake you up in the early morning to go off on a tirade shed verbally attack my freinds my sister was crying on a daily.basis youve never met anyone like her. imagine you met the most vicious bitch youve ever met in your life just completely irrational serious emotional issues alot of therapy needed

everyday abuse you never knew what she was going to do or say . she argued with so many of our family over the.years and vreated tension and conflict

she was completely unhinged..

she has always loved to create tension in her own twisted way though she loved me but she had a funny way of showing it. unfortunately alot of her ways was mental health issues

which was a unique challenge especially at 14-15-16 on

people who are mentally ill like this need specific consideration you learn how they tick and how there behaviour is effected by the psychology.

i began to realise my mother needed turmoil she enjoyed it. her mind is so impulsive and craving attention she would go absolutely off the rails .

i learned to create boundaries to keep her at arms length so that we could have some sort of functional relationship without going to ground zero everytime se meet

my father just had enough couldnt put up with her anymore ..they got divorced.

i always watch what i say to my mother and dont disclose more than i need to she has always found a way to use something against me.
when she angers me i go back to limiting contact and i get on with my life

she is my mother and we have had good times shes not the worst she is actually very caring but we have had a history and i still keep her at arms length and monitor what is disclose . thats how we get along

if i get the sense shes going to start something i usually dont stick around then she has to find something to occupy her and i avoid my blood pressure rising because things have the potential to just turn sour out of nowhere with her.

so the best advice i can give is monitor the flow of conversation if you know what sets her off deflect or remove yourself from.the firing line. if you tend to argue of you spend time . reduce visits to shorter less frequent.

i admit my relationship was quite extreme . but i learned alot about people and how they tick eventually you learn some sort of pattern and where to draw the line or put your foot down on what behaviour you will allow

i know a few people who had bad relationships with there mother

im an ex chef and the catering industry seems to.attract certain type of people its the same with the military drugs and troubled backgrounds although its not always the case it is common occurrence.

one of the guys i worked with he had a terrible relationship with his mother she had me tal illness and a drinking problem i do t know the full story as it's not something we ever spoke about in detail but he did tell me she was trouble he had had a kid she wasnt even one at this stage and the grandmother his mother would steal money they saved for things like baby clothes nappies essentials and got tye impression she was always getting wasted and causing problems crazy ..but yet he still speaks to her its the same as myself..my relationship eith my mother improved over the years but i keep her at arms length ive gad so many times ober the years i want to gwt away from her i disnt speak to her for about 1.5year when my parents divorced. then she crept her way back in we had years of those because i was in a circumstances i could not get away from her.
same as the guy i worked with im guessing he wanted her around because of his kid and having a grandmother but wow they had problems

but yes its difficult to completely cut off communication with your mother as you get older it becomes even more difficult. my mother is 63 and recently had a health scare thought it could be lung cancer but came back negative.

im 33 and i don't think cutting communication is possible. instead you can monitor when or how you do. this goes for everything. in life

one day my mother will be dead and il have spent .most of my life in some sort of conflict with her not being able to appreciate her as much as i should because of having to create boundaries.

women

 

You have to reduce the communication.