Tired of all this

I´ve tried multiple times before to break this addction up. I fell like shit. Today i MO twice. Watched porn all day, and fell like shit. Also, today i drank up a lot, to the point i had to throw up. I feel hopeless, without strenght. I hate myself, i hate my life and I do not feel anything except hate. I used to be a nice guy, i used to feel love and feell happy inside, even if everything was hard. I experienced love, self love. But suddently all this is gone. Years like that. And days fells like a repetition. A copy of a copy.... All days feel like the same. I fell bad and depressed. I hate myself, that is it. It doesn´t matter where i am, what i do, when or who i am with. I just hate to be myself. And this is not something i can change. Happiness come from inside. And what happens when you have nothing inside: nothing! I also hate my mind. I hate the fact that i am not what i used to be. I hate the fact that i am locked in this prision. Mind prision. I hate the fact that i have no hope. I have been searching for relief. For peace. But nothing seems to give me peace. I cannot rest. I cannot relax. Life is a big fucking bag i am condemned to carry. I am tired. I wish i could reset my life. Forget my mistakes. Forget the fact that i am a loser and begin again. Where is the bottom to reset all this?

Fuck, i am wasted. What a fucking hole i put myself in. No hope, no life.

 

Thanks guys. Yes, i have been walking trought this hell, but I will get out of this place. Today I spend the day thinking about how to end my life, and how misarable I am. But you know what, all this cannot be forever. There must be another way, a chance to get better. If i lived until now, I can live some more. And try to make my best in it, even it if is not that much.