Hand job…????

enjoy with gf and don't do tomorrow on your own!

 

Dont waste your semen on a lousy handjob

 

Enjoy, sex and and mutual masterbation doesn't count as a relapse. Porn is the real enemy here.

 

You’re user name says it all to me! She’s worth it.

I’ve come to the very simple view it’s not mine to play with anymore - it’s hers. I want intimacy and closeness with her and if she wants to play with her cock… I’m just gonna love the experience and feel close to her and loved.

In time, I hope to reach a Karezza style relationship… but clearly that will only work if she wants to too! If she wants me to cum - whether in her hand or inside her - who am I to argue!! But I’ll never do it on my own again!

 

I like this although framing it as her having ownership of your penis seems a little odd..? Maybe because this is a site about sexual addiction, I'm having the association of femdom.

Edit: perhaps it is because you want to make it up to her the sins in your past by giving her control?

Anyway, I have the similar goal of only having orgasms with my SO. It's really as simple as that. It makes it very, very easy to understand. There's really no discussion when I'm by myself, yet there is freedom when I am with her.

 

im kind of desperate to tell my wife… but I wanted to prove I could do it first! I thought telling her I had a problem… then being unable to quit would be awful… so i decided to make sure I cleared the 90 day reboot before I raised it!!

I think I’m gonna start sharing some of it next week… gently!!!

 

yeah - I guess I get your point on that one. It more came out of marriage vows and religious stuff to be honest in discussion with my AP buddy…

with my body i thee worship
Honour her
Forsake all others etc
What’s mine is hers

but the point is that anything sexual is between the two of us rather than me on my own. And me being determined never to play with it again!

to be honest… personally I favour a Karezza relationship after we get through this… but I don’t know what my chances are. After 5 years sex free… I think the reality is I’ll be pleased with whatever is available!!

 

I get that resentment. I’ve been spending much of the past 5 years like that and oddly the me “giving in to her” as it were and accepting to get sexual intimacy i need to give emotional intimacy first is where I’ve got to.

sex isn’t mine to take - I have to earn it and get her to a point she wants me. And given what we’ve been through that may take some time.

I don’t yet know it’s all achievable but early signs are good and right now I feel super pleased just because she sleeps with her head on my chest or rests her hand on my sleep shorts. I feel loved and wanted again. Full blown intimacy could take me a long time to re-earn and win!

 

All power to you, amazing decision! Best of luck to us all

 

Just give her affection, eye contact, and most of all love while she's doing it. Don't worry about if it's wrong to do because you are doing it with a Woman. She is there for you and love's you, so she's doing it for a valid reason in her case. I wouldn't look up P for a while though so you can have thoughts just of her in the process of it happening. I'm not sure why but when I had a glimpse of it before early on in my relationship I think it brought bad karma at least, because we always had a small fight about something after. But when I stopped looking it up, it feels completely neutral and normal.

 

I get it buddy - each to their own as what works. My wife didn’t know “what” my problem was. She knew I wasn’t happy with my lot… and now I am.

I’m focussing on her… as @Mr. Unhappy just said… i now make a huge effort on simple stuff - like looking at her when we talk, complimenting her on simple every day things, asking what I can do for her, showing affection etc. she now “knows” I love her as I tell her all the time and show her all the time. I make lots of romantic gestures. Basically I’m a different guy!

she may ask at some point wtf has happened and why the new me! And I’ll tell her. But I need her to appreciate me first.

I’m not saying it’s right for everyone… but it’s right for me. This takes as long as it takes and I’m never going to pressure her for any intimacy… I’m going to make her want me again. That’s my plan buddy!

 

So comparing MO by yourself vs with your partner... The difference is MO by yourself is unregulated unlimited access with yourself. Whereas with your partner it's a form of intimacy with another partner where both have to want to partake in it.

I strongly suggest looking into the meaning of intimacy vs physical sex vs P. It's been really helpful to delve into what this meant to me.

The key to me is sharing and expressing love. Whether it's with her hand isn't the issue. The difference is MO with your partner is just that a physical expression of love and intimacy. Whereas MO by yourself is simply that. Lonely self pleasure.

In my experience I found it impossible to self regulate MO by myself any different than PMO. Once I gave myself that permission to MO alone I would do so which hindered my recovery. I would get chaser effect, and MO, and eventually want to look at P again, then a certain trigger would set me off and I'd relapse.

I also tried normal mode with similar issues. I would have sex with my wife and act weird in the following days because of that chaser effect. Because I was constantly trying to get sex with her again and in a way seek to get my fix with her body. This i think was damaging to our relationship because she felt used. For me I had to just fully put a stop to my sexual behavior of all kinds for a period of time. I'm in that process now and it feels great.

It's not easy. But it's been worth it. I don't constantly edge like I used to. I'm not mad at my wife like I was when she wasn't in the mood for sex. I appreciate smaller forms of affection like holding hands that I don't think I have since we were dating. It's just a better feeling all around.

 

Karezza buddy!!! I’m sure this is the way forward!!

 

Why don´t you talk with her? Make her know you don´t want to have an O because of the chaser effect, maybe she´ll be okay in abstaining for a little time, maybe she will be okay with your "chaser effect", or maybe you can come to mutual agreement beneficial for both of you and your relationship.

Just remember a HJ may not be as intimate as a sexual relationship, and if your a pursuing a higher goal (like to recover from the damages of PMO) it will be better if you wait a little more and have "normal sexual relationships".

 

Being a yes man will never create a attraction in any female and you will learn it fast.

 

Yep nothing wrong with that. And especially during reboot I think it is great.

 

What is he saying that you think is a "yes man"?

I think there's a difference between serving our partners and being a yes man.

The things I see @Newbie Jasper talking about are ways he's expressing his love to his wife.