I'm very sad, because of my HOCD.... it's the worst thing I've ever experienced... It haunts me for several years... Even if I'm trying to stop PMO, the relapse's reason has always my HOCD.... for example when I'm getting arousal "spontaneous", my mind tells me it's somehow by a man... and even if I'm starting fantasize about women, a few second later some gay stuff pops into my mind.... so I'm avoiding fantasize about women because of this.... and I avoid "sex" situations with women, because I'm fearing that I won't get it up....not because I don't want it..... it's very annoying... somebody has experienced similar things? I feel like I cannot even get it up to a full hetero fantasy like old times.... I've planned that I'll starting to work out, and do a strict diet, maybe they'll help about this whole HOCD,PIED problem?! What do you think?
It sounds like you may be unsure of your feelings on a deep level and its really bothering you. Have you considered talking to a therapist?
I do not have HOCD but have read many many threads on this issue and usually the best suggestions are the same. Running away from these thoughts is about the same as people trying to avoid porn instead of facing the issue. You don't need to run away or try to fantasize about being heterosexual. What you need to do is not worry about trying to be heterosexual and work on your reboot, work on you, again not the sexual you but you. When you reboot your body and mind will naturally go back but trying to force a fantasy or watching straight porn to try to prove something to yourself will drastically set you back on your reboot. Hope this helps, just ask if you have any questions.
I'll do that.... I'll set up "mission" about my body/myself...I'll start my session from November 1. I know I can get it up to girls easily in my childhood...so it can't be that will never happen again... it's the most annyoing thing....so not the "gay" thoughts themselves, rather that I haven't got nearly any hetero thoughts like old times..... I mean at my childhood I have mostly hetero fantasies and a few sexual(!) gay fantasies, and I was happy to be "mostly heterosexual", but I'm experienced that this "scale" is going to be change.....I mean nowadays I have mostly gay fantasies and rarely hetero.... It's very annyoing....I want my old self back.... I KNOW that the "missions" what I'll set up to myself will helps to gain back self-esteem and confidence.
In my opinion, the worst part about how you feel is that you are confused and a lot of stuff is going on in your mind so if you are presented with a sexual situation, you surely won't be able to "get it up". Remember your D works with your mind. If you keep your brain busy with your confused thoughts, it won't be ready for actual sex. I may suggest, accept every sexual thought you may have and it will become easier. Just don't put a label and think this is homo or gay or whatever, that conflict will destroy real sex for you. Accept that there is nothing "normal" or predefined about sex and it is whatever makes YOU and your sexual partner feel good. You have nothing to prove to yourself or to anybody regarding your sexuality and as a sexual creature, there is nothing wrong if you get triggered by males or females. That doesn't necessarily means that you are gay and should get ready to get a male sexual partner to live your life with if that is not what you want. Sex is way more than homo/hetero, there are lots of gradients and you should not feel bad for the tastes you developed in life. You can probably fix that gay fear by not fapping but actively repressing it and over thinking about the issue will only make it worse. Also, as many guys will deny when asked about having sexual thoughts about the same sex, it is something that happens more often than you think but it is repressed because society.
Just avoid all things related to sex until after 90 days. don't even worry about "getting it up" thats a thing for a later time and date. When i went into NOFAP i had many kinks, BI, BDSM, trans, I had read that they may be porn induced, but im 43 years old so i really didn't care, i just assumed i was just kinky. What ever will be will be. But you know what, after rebooting all i want now is a relationship with a straight lady. No bdsm, no men, no kinks have entered my mind so far. even thinking about those times does nothing for me. At the end of your reboot, you find your true sexuality, But until then dont worry so much.
Great news, Booster! I quoted you in another forum since your post would really allay the compulsive worries of a guy whose sexuality seems to be changing during the early days of abstinence. [edit] Oh, I just scrolled up and realized it's Kriss93, the same person who posted there as well! Hope you're feeling better about all this, Kriss! I can relate to your concern and hope you can vow to love and treasure yourself as an important human being who deserves dignity and respect, all the more in this time of confusion, when you need your own love and respect the most.
Yea, People think they are alone with their kinks and sexuality but though many guys wont admit to it, you only have to look at porn site categories to see the explosion of different categories that porn has induced.
