Ill make this short and sweet as ive shared my story on previous posts. This is more of a checkin to commemorate the fact that anything is possible if taking the needed steps to achieve a goal. I have finally made it past the 180 day / 6 month threshold. My loving, kind, supportive, forgiving wife deserves so much praise for this moment. Without her i struggled and failed for almost 15 years of our marriage to make any progress. Once she found out about my struggle everything changed. No it wasn't easy, especially at first but everyday gets better and every aspect of my life has improved in ways i didn't even realize were possible. With my wifes help, along with a therapist and a best friend, i now have a team around me that makes this journey possible. One last thing that i want to say about pornography- over the last 6 months i have come to the conclusion that viewing pornography as i did at such a young age amounts to nothing less than child abuse. I now realize that it is all but impossible to not contribute to the exploitation and trafficking of woman and possibly, unknowingly, minors by viewing pornography. By coming to hate what is behind this industry i really have been able to change my mindset and i have so much hope for achieving a "0 consumption" lifestyle free from guilt and all the other negative affects of PMO. Thanks!!! I hope to be back in 6 months to commemorate 1 year!!!
Hi. First I want to congratulate you, 6 months is an incredible streak. I have a question, how do you deal with being in reboot against PMO and with having S since you're married (In case that you have S in this 6 months). Sorry if the question is too intrusive, I ask because I'm in a similar situation and I don't know how to deal with it.
Congratulations for your success,i have one question does the therapist helpeded you to succeed with nofap,did he change your mindset or find where is the problem of relapsing?, I decided to go to a psychiatrist and ask for his help,ive been relapsing for 3 years and i cant stop
I’m also in that position. For me having sex is fine during no PMO/MO. Like most men, I love having sex, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, what is bad is spending time alone watching other people have sex on screen. I’ll try and be careful of how I word this next bit - not fapping makes for a better O for me, (maybe it’s my P induced brain) but finishing with a larger “load” kind of makes me feel more manly - when I was PMOing a lot, I’d finish and think “is that it!” - sorry if that’s abit much.
I know there is a lot of different perspectives on this topic but i have personally found that natural intimacy is a healthy part of my "reboot". I personally don't think its healthy to abstain from S with your partner if they are open to being intimate. Think about it in terms of behavioral addiction. If you are addicted to food you can't just simply stop eating food, you must learn to have a healthy relationship with food. If you are married, S is a healthy part of a healthy relationship. Not to be crass but if you're partner is craving intimacy and is wanting that from her husband that is part of what some may call "the marital due". After a while my wife and i resumed intimacy and i even asked her about how she felt about that. To put it simply, your wife has needs too.
Lol, that's funny. And a long with that i also find that, how should i say this, my equipment is a lot more "a-ten-HUT"!!! Haha.
Interesting question. When i first went to therapy i thought we would just talk about P addiction at every meeting. But in reality addiction is really only a symptom of an underlying issue. When you abuse you are really just doing what your brain thinks is the only way to respond to negative feelings. And when i say negative feeling im talking about how the brain is conditioned to respond when its not getting the dopamine rush that its been conditioned to get. So when you go to therapy you actually talk about all the issues in your life and instead of coping with them by viewing pornography your talking it out with your therapist. So for me the first session or two we talked about how the addiction started but then we got into my childhood, my parents, my wife and kids, my job, my goals, my habits, etc. Basically going to therapy is a healthy way to express yourself rather than acting out. Im curious though if you don't mind me asking, how many people in your personal life know about your addiction. There is a TED talk that helped me to realize that shame is the real reason that you can't break free from addiction. You are all alone and no one knows. Once my wife knew, and my best friend, and then Therapist, the wall of shame really just dissappeared and i no longer struggled with relapse. The guy on the Ted Talk was extreme about it, he told everyone in his life about his addiction. The more it is in the open the more reasons you have to stop.
Only 3 of my close friends no about my addiction onone else,but they dont support me they think that watching porn and masturbating is healthy
Find a supportive group that you can confide in. Nofap.com is a good start, but in person is a lot more powerful. Research therapist in your area if that is what it would take. If your "friends" condone your addiction its time to look for new friends with higher standards. At first it feels weird but honestly the more open you are and the more help and support you seek the more this addiction begins to lose its grip. Keep up the fight!!!
Incredible man! Stoked to hear that you've assembled a good support team around you as well. Must really be nice to have such an understanding wife, who's standing alongside you in the journey! And thanks for the reminder to not perpetuate the darkest corners of the sex trade, which I agree porn contributes too.
Nice job, the most impressive part for me was that you shared your addiction with your wife and friend. I wouldn't have a problem telling a therapist, but at this time I don't want to share it with my wife and most of my friends would not get it. Congratulations for you!
Ive learned that every relationship is on different ground so i don't really want to make sweeping statements about what people should do but telling my wife was never an option until it was basically forced on me. It was the hardest day of our marriage by far. But man it was also the most important day of our marriage too. The friends side of it was easy, in my community of friends looking at P is not acceptable behavior but it is understood that majority of all men have struggled with it. I was amazed when i opened up to some men around me how our struggles were similar. I would be looking for higher quality friends if they are not helping me be the best version of myself. And sadly i do have friends that im not close to any more because they were simply the fun hang out budy but not really of any substance when digging deeper.
