Anger

Hello freedom is coming,

Good on you for 60 days P free and going. I think you're right, the anger and the P are interlinked, possibly from some past trauma. Has the punching gotten worse over time? Have you considered talking to a therapist?

I don't know of Anger Management podcasts, but most any Sex Addiction/P-Addiction podcast should be helpful.

 

Hey man, I came across this and it seems to relate what you're experiencing maybe?

https://www.husbandmaterial.com/blog/why-anger-is-a-prophet

Quote from the link:

"I want you to imagine that you have an anger gun. When you act out and externalize anger, you point that gun away from yourself — maybe towards another person by exploding at them. This doesn't help.

You can also point that anger gun towards pornography and into sexual behavior. This is what we call eroticized rage — anger that has morphed into sexual arousal. So we don't even realize we're angry, we just think we're sexually aroused. In reality, porn has become an outlet for covert unprocessed anger, especially when it leads us to more violent forms of porn or into sexual fantasies that involve power, domination, or submission.

We can also aim that anger gun inward. This is called acting in. When we beat ourselves up, we take that anger and we turn it towards ourselves. We internalize the anger that we feel towards others or that others have aimed at us. We often do this directly after using pornography. I've externalized and eroticized my anger by using porn, then I take that anger gun and I turn it right back at myself."

 

It's all really interesting when we dig deeper. I personally can't say I sought out porn from an anger/eroticized rage perspective (at least I don't think so.) I do remember having quite a short temper when I was younger, so who knows, it may have been a contributing factor. I usually seem to seek it out from boredom/a desire for novelty, or intimacy.
It's crazy how many different things can lead us all to seek out the "same" thing in porn.

 

This makes so much sense, at my lowest point I would watch porn just because of the violence, I would only get excited to all of this hardcore stuff, I guess i thought "this is my way of getting in control", and I would agressively masturbate, convincing myself that this submission and abuse is what women deserved, that it was all they were for, even if it felt wrong and empty. And it was a conscious choice, but the drive was so strong, and the anger was so much that I did it anyway and even stopped feeling bad after doing this; I simply observed how Ifucked up my mind until I had to put a stop to it.

I also identify as a calm person, but in reality I simply take everything and never speak up for myself; I´d rather avoid a conflict by letting people get over me than facing confrontation. When I was growing up I was taught that I was less valuable, less important than other people, that my opinion didn´t matter. As a result I shut myself down even if it was with my friends or girls I liked, I never had any relationship with a significant other and that lead me to lots of stress and frustration. And porn was there for me.

I´m so angry right now, but now I know it´s okay, and that I can let that anger guide me to fix the root problem that lead my to this addiction in the first place.

 

Hey man, I can relate to what you're saying about identifying as a calm person, and not speaking up. Totally.
I've noticed growing up that my opinion wasn't really considered too. I don't think my parents meant to, but they were never the ones to ask my opinion, or they would interrupt me when I was trying to speak my mind. So over time, I just decided not to share anymore since I felt my words would not be valued.

I really liked this part of the blog:

"This is the healing message anger has been trying to tell us all along: a boundary has been violated in your life. No matter how you have been hurt — physically, sexually, emotionally, even spiritually — what happened to you was not okay. There is nothing you did to deserve it. There is nothing you could have done to deserve it. It was not right. It was not fair. It was wrong"

I like how it means we can acknowledge we were wronged by the messages of "you don't matter" & "you are less important".
It means we can be angry about it.
And that it isn't wrong to be angry about it.

I'm happy that it helped you, and I hope you can get to the bottom of the issues and continue healing

 

You can analyze bro, but the better thing to do is to control yourself.

Because anger is like anything else, like getting turned on, like sadness, like happiness.

If you can take a break, chill out, focus on your breathing, it passes.

You are never going to get anywhere in life if you are blinded in this way, my friend.

 

Anger is by far the biggest reason I relapse. I feel intense rage sometimes, or if I get frustrated by something, I usually react with anger. Anger was always how I reacted to things. Even as a kid, if I spilt my glass of juice or something and had to clean it up, I would be really angry.

Also, in the past when I would be doing homework assignments and was annoyed by them, I would start cussing to myself and feeling intense anger. It has even got to the point sometimes where if a girl rejected me, I would be full of anger. Even though I've never broken any laws or ever hurt anyone or threatened to hurt anyone, I have cussed some girls out in the past who rejected me.

When I get so filled with hate/anger, it is easy to lose my good mindset for NoFap. Idk how to get rid of this anger to be honest. My dad also has the same type of anger as me. But my younger brother doesn't have the anger. So maybe it is hereditary? I'm not sure really.