Hi guys, I decided to take the NoFap challenge and i'm going to tell you my story I'm a 21 years old guy living in Belgium. I have been (and probably not for long) in a relationship with a perfect girl for the last 3 years and a half I used to consume a lot of porn, at the beggining it was simple porn then BBW then transwoman then footfetish and so on. After a while i asked myself "what if i was gay?" i freaked out and started to remember all the time i masturbated on transwoman. I never had a crush on guys in my life or sexual attraction and i usually find "sexual gay acts" not arousing at all but i started to have a bad case of HOCD . fear,anxiety,spikes,groin responses. The idea of killing myself came to my mind a lot of time to be honest... I was affraid to become something i don't want to become. i had a period of constant checking(masturbating) to a point were my penis started to hurt. I lost my attraction to girls and wasn't able to have a proper erection. I thought i should kill myself because i was turning gay even if i never been interested in boys all my life. I forgot about porn for a week or two and i succed in having sexual relationships with my girlfriend and thought i was normal again. to celebrate that i decided to fight my fear once for all and watched a gay porn. I felt a mix of disgust fear and excitement and i had a really akward orgasm (a sensation i never felt) without even being hard and in less than 2min.. It scared the shit out of me and now i fear i turned gay even if i had sexe with my girlfriend yesterday . I am lost and confused and again i don't know what i am even if i used to be confident with my sexual orientation . I decided to reorganize my life and say goodbye to porn till i die and stop masturbation also
I'm 15 YEARS , AND ME was the same thing, masturbated much, my penis now abstnencia he wound hurt , I will 5 days without FAP FAP FAP , but still hurts a lot.
I feel so stressed.. I'm so sacred that that this is a proof i'm gay after so Many Time excited by womans and straight porn.. Since i was able to have an érection i always pleasured myself on straight ideas..Maybe i am gonna kill myself on the next weeks.. I can't stand this idea.. I want a wife and children..
Yeah i decided to quit porn once for all but i have thoose images stuck into my head.. I didn't knew porn could cause that.. I mean i never saw myself as a porn Addict . I was masturbating on porn 1 time a day Maybe two but not more.. I had a normal feeling about my orientation and was confident about what i was.. Now i feel si confused and doomed.. I fucking jizzed on a gay porn.. The image is still stucked un my head .. I don't want to do it with a Guy , ever but it was distrurbing and disgusting yet exciting.. My HOCD was gone but now he is back with a strong argument : i jizzed on gay porn . I still have this image of his giant pecs who looked like boobs .. I am SO FUCKING lost ! How will i handle my relationship after that ? I tryied to masturbated myself with straight ideas and i archived to finish myself but i was not even hard.. I used to be a god beliver but i feel like he abandoned me..
Hey @FearlessBastard! First of all, welcome to the community that'll become your supporting community. Then, relax yourself and don't freak out like a mad. You just need to clear your mind, gather your positive thoughts and act! Just the idea of quitting PMO once and for all, it's the sign you want to heal and become a better person. Personally, I don't know too much about HOCD but I'm sure loads of people here can hell you. First advice is: read and get information here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-is-hocd-ocd-today. As you can see the first rule is exactly: Stopping the Thought. The more you think the more your brain will be affected. Your brain is just messed up by PMO and P and HOCD is a common aftermath! Again, you can be sure you won't turn gay. All you have to do now is: QUITTIN PMO. Get a web filter, smash your pc, block your mobile. Take action and let your mind and body heal. Man, people on this forum are healing from this damned addiction and if you read success stories you will acknowledge every single benefits. You can defeat HOCD, social anxiety, depression and every single negative thing affecting you. But you must fight, with blood and tears. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, for everyone. You have a relationship and you have a gf, so I think you love your gf. Do it for you and for her! Regain her trust and your relationship. Success and healing are 101% possibile...but you must act!
PS: God doesn't abandon anyone. It's you that probably abandoned God because of your actions. Try to pray again and meditate, and you'll gain His trust and support again!
Thanks , i saw my gf today and felt still aroused by her even got a beggining of érection juste by touching her . I Will clear my mind with all the shit i saw in porn . Footjobs,transwoman,Granny, rape, hentai,ssbbw,sex while asleep ect i want to go back to normal everything is stucked to my head driving me crazy. I never went to see gay porn until today (execpt at my 14years old to "see" what it was)and until my hocd i never even wanted to take a look or thaught about trying to masturbated on it . I was just not interresting for me . I never fot an érection on it . The day i jizzed on it my penis was as tiny as a 10years old kid . I love my gf even if it is sometimes hard to understand my feelings with this hocd. And i don't want to loose her and i don't want to become something i am not and don't want to be. Porn is porn it Will never tells me who i should be. I quit porn and masturbation once for all . I'll stzrt tomorrow because i already masturbated this morning . Thanks for all the support ! We can all do big things if we dare to !
Second friendly advice, my brother: DO NOT PROCRASTINATE! Your fight against P and PMO starts right here right now! Not tomorrow! Set your new mind-set starting from now and you'll see improvements very soon!
