Veterans: why did you relapse after a long period and what did you learn?

In 2006, two years after I became an addict, I was clean for 4 months, without using any kind of technique. Afterwards, I needed 8 years to be clean again for a few months. I want to point out that without planning in advance we're going to relapse, because as cpf says, "we're putting (ourselves) in the hands of our addiction".

So did I wanted to relapse after 101 days and after 336 days? The simple answer is yes. The rest is bullshit rationalization. But I don't want to relapse anymore. That's why I'm sticking to my boundaries (no p subs, basically, besides the obvious no MO/PMO) and I'm writing here every day. Many days you don't have something interesting or useful to say, but there's always someone in need of support and affection.

Quoting @cpf once again:
"I personally have found that even if the plan is "hazy", the very act of contemplating the existence of a plan means you have already decided NOT to act out. And really, that is the key........there are two ways to approach difficult situations like being alone: 1) I have a difficult situation coming up......gee, I hope I don't get too triggered otherwise I may act out: This is almost a GUARANTEED relapse......basically, we are putting whether or not we relapse or not in the hands of our addiction.....we are not exercising our choice 2) I have a difficult situation coming up and I know I will be triggered......I am not going to act out, so I need a plan to deal with all the urges and triggers that will most surely happen: This is the statement of a person who has CHOSEN not to relapse.......and more times than not, this person WON'T relapse, because this statement acknowledges that YOU are in control, that YOU make the choice.....you know your addict will be there, but you are ready and will deal with him when he emerges".

 

"P subs" is everything that eventually leads to relapse, everything that causes you an unhealthy rush of dopamine.

They vary from person to person. Perhaps a few examples can help:
-facebook and any other social network with pictures of women, faces, bodies, doesn't matter.
-looking at body parts on the street, work, university...
-fantasies: "I could do this with her". "This" might not be strictly sexual, such some sort of romantic feeling, but in my book that would be also a p sub.
-watching tv-series/movies, music videos... just because they have females or some form of sex.
-reading highly charged erotic stories.
-looking at "funny" videos that encourage porn use and/or that have a positive view on porn (cracked, college humor).
Every person is different. Perhaps if somebody has a foot fetish, a porn sub might be looking at people's feet, I don't know.