6 years ago

I joined here in 2017 I was on a little bit here but I just left off, I've been a lifelong addict (over 30 years) and don't know wtf is wrong with me, I know how bad it is for health, the horrors of the industry etc...I'm in deep. I had a streak of over 3 weeks without in 2019 that was amazing! I never achieved that since.

I am not sure why I am posting this, it's not for sympathy or to seek attention, I got to own my own bullshit, find a way out, I feel like I'm in a hole.
I do notice that when my stress levels go up I head for the PC or if I'm exhausted, tired didn't sleep well.
I need to pull up and out of this, how to make life fun again, seems so boring at times when I am not on the PC I feel lost, it's bullshit! Just had to get that off my chest!

 

Hey thank you for the reply, I've made sure I've fit in some exercise an hour walking and I'll do the same tomorrow. It was nice to take that time out, gave me a lift and I broke the chain, keeping on going

 

I've managed to get clear of a vicious cycle the moment I came back on here, it has given me space to breath and be conscious of what I am doing. I tried a blocker in the past, it was like a red rag to a bull, I found myself circumnavigating it and going round it. If I know the code password etc...I can turn it off, this was a problem. To handle urges I am restricting my computer time. I spend way too much time on it. Today I made myself go out and get some sun and exercise. I would like to hit a 7 day goal first instance. Day 2 down when I wake up tomorrow. I'll keep touching base on this site. Thanks for replying

 

@ Toziko I am on my own yes no AP or group, this is the only place I can really put it out there if you get what I mean. I've been able to plan my days and just be conscious throughout. I'm grateful that this site is here, really helping these days to keep my mind clear. x Appreciate you all here

 

@Reverent thank you for your words of wisdom and advice, intentional living is what really resonated that's how I've been handing the days, just day by day. I've really done my best to stay in the now. It almost feels like I had to hit bottom to bounce again, thanks again!

 

I didn't get the exercise yesterday but was busy all day with family, I got out today though, made sure. I've been working downstairs in the kitchen rather than upstairs tucked away in the computer room. Very productive day. Just doing my best to take it one day at a time. Saturday I've got to make sure I go out. This day has been a stumbling block as I've been in the house on my own and...yeah you know the rest! I'm already feeling tons better. I woke up this morning feeling I've had the best nights rest since I can ever remember. I've been really energised and got so much done! Another good day here!

 

So I got 4 days clear, had a killer migraine went for the cheap dopamine hit and went back into a cycle (3 days). So tomorrow I'll break that cycle again, map out my day and enjoy it.

 

thanks man, hope you had a good day, I've kept out the house and active all day; so reset day keep going I say to myself just get through today.

 

Well! I hit 7 days clear yesterday! This morning something came up super important that caused my anxiety levels to go through the roof! I had to calm my breathing down!...

and OMFG the pull and urge hit me huge...felt like I was crashing so hard pulled onto pages I shouldn't be. I hit the panic button at the top right of the page and emergency in it! I'm on here typing, now clearly able to see that extreme anxiety is a trigger for me. I've been a fly on the wall of my own reality reaching for the cheap dopamine! Not this time, like a fucking devil on my shoulder This is real time me fighting it here, you know what I'm going out for a long walk! I'm keeping this streak going. I haven't done 7 days since 2019! Gonna be 8 days tomorrow! Still fighting!