Day 0: my ex-girlfriend who I live with came with me to Target where my former crush works with me. I noticed her passing by and I waved her down. The convo was going well till I commented on her makeup because I thought she looked nice. I was tryna spit game till she goes "it’s cause I thought Joshua was working today.” Truthfully, my confidence level went down immediately after that. My ex-girlfriend watched the whole thing, my crush even was like”oh look out for Joshua cause he’s really hot”. So, that was a big fucking flashing sign if I’ve ever seen one. After that my ex let me go on a rant about how I’m gonna make myself more desirable, but when she comes after me imma turn my crush down. Truthfully I’m really not that mean, she seemed like she just wants to be friends, she’s generally nice to me. It just seems like she just isn’t attracted to me, which I’m cool with but it definitely damaged my self esteem so I masturbated and had sex with my ex.
I relapsed today. I had 17 days my last and first attempt. This is why I am going for the 30 days challenge this time. Day 0/30. I'm going to do this. It's kind of a new year's resolution. I whis y'all luck you can do this