It's been 51 days since I looked at porn, though I have masturbated a few times during that period and have looked at some racy, non-nude YouTube videos and pics online. Here's the thing: sometimes I feel like I need porn as an outlet to keep me from going a step further. I'll (hopefully) explain. I want to show my penis to another woman. I crave affirmation. My wife is the only sex partner I've ever had. I used to have a serious small penis complex. I was convinced I had a severely small package, and it obsessed me -- like every day for many years. I even saw a doctor about the anxiety. My wife told me I was fine, but I wasn't convinced. This anxiety continued until I started watching porn and took the time to measure my erection. I discovered that although I have a very average sized penis when soft, my erect length is actually above average and my erect girth is way above average. In this way, porn became sort of an affirmation and consolation for me. When I watch porn, I almost always have a tape measure with me. It gives me a great relief and exhilaration to feel the pleasure of a big erection and confirm again and again that I'm above average. I tell myself that I could impress and satisfy the beautiful women I'm watching. I feel like my penis is the only asset I have for being sexually attractive, because I am not an especially handsome man and I don't have a chiseled body by any means. I now feel a strong desire to post pics or even video of Myself online, either on a forum or in an adult chat. I want to hear another woman tell me I have a big cock. I want to feel desired by someone other than my wife, because I went my whole life basically ignored by women and convinced they'd ridicule me if they saw "the rest of me." I wonder if just watching porn would divert me from doing something even worse. I'm afraid that even posting pics won't be enough and I'll go looking for an in person encounter. I know this line of thinking is wrong. It's prideful. It's disrespectful to my wife, to say the least. I'm not sure that any amount of affirmation would satisfy me, no matter where it comes from. I should just get over it, I suppose. But I wanted to share this with somebody. Thanks for reading. Any advice or thoughts?
Quite honestly, this has nothing to do with porn addiction (other than coming up with a pretext to use it I guess). I find it quite alarming that you would cheat on your wife when she gave you all the validation you needed and it was not enough for you. She has supported you through small penis syndrome and now you have big penis syndrome and you want to flop it out and stroke it to other women just to massage your ego. As you put it... I am not sure what sort of answer you are expecting, but this is a porn recovery site. Not a place where you are going to get cheered on for adultery and for exhibitionism on porn sites merely to fuel your conceit.
Hey man. I've had similar urges and that crave for affirmation about penis size. I would also go.to chat rooms on order to show it and hear womans opinion. It was an awful time in my life, because it was extremelly time consuming, nocive for me and the woman, but extremelly compelling. I would stay the whole day online, and would turn out oportunities to go out. Out of all the experiences i had with porn this one was the mostra addictive. But i had a different response to all this size comparison obsession. Instead of finding a way to convince myself i was normal (as I am, because I'm right on average) i convinced myself that I was insuficient. So I would seek for humiliation videos. By the end of it I was convinced that i was not male material and started looking at homo content. That was the final drop. I've been 24 days away from all this content without any masturbation, to base my mind in realistic experience not on distorted mind thouths. It has been working. What I recomend to you is for you to quit all types of masturbation for a while and forget these nonsense urges. Desattach from them. You don't need them to be happy and have a pleasurful sex life. It is more than clear that you havê no size related problem. You can put this urge and obsession behind and have a healthier and more fulfilling sex life.
IGY makes some excellent points. I would like to add: How would feel if your wife desired what you are currently desiring? Is that something you could approve and allow? I think (and forgive me for being so direct) that you would not. So is it then fair on your wife (and family) if you go about like this? With respect and concern, JustAnother
Thanks for your reply. Please understand that I do NOT want to cheat on my wife. I have not cheated on her, and so far the most I have done is watch porn. I certainly don't expect anyone to cheer on adultery or exhibitionism. I am, however, trying to describe what has fueled my temptation to watch porn. I guess I wanted to see if anyone else faced the same temptation and, if so, how they addressed it. Like I said, I have avoided porn for 51 days and want to keep improving. I want to leave porn behind and not seek the high anywhere else other than my wife.
No, of course it wouldn't be fair. I fully admit my desire is wrong. I don't expect anyone to justify or approve it. I just wondered if anyone else overcame a need for affirmation in their battle with porn or sex addiction.
Thanks for the encouragement, and thanks for sharing your story. I honestly think that a need for affirmation drives a lot of men to sex addiction or porn. I'm glad you are doing well. I wish you all the best.
I am pleased to hear it, and relieved. I cannot relate to what you are saying personally. I am below average size (spare a thought for us guys), so it struck me as perverse that you would do a complete U-turn and then want to brag and show off (literally) about your large dick. I find the following two statements hard to reconcile: Anyway, I accept in good faith what you stated below: However, you have masturbated a few times during that period and have looked at some "racy, non-nude YouTube videos and pics online." Those are what we generally call porn substitutes. I would try and stop focusing on your cock and focus on what you need to do to stop masturbating and/or looking at P/subs. Because 7 weeks without porn is very good, but you are still getting dopamine hits in other ways. The more strict you can be, the quicker your brain will heal and reboot.
I guess some of the things I said came across the wrong way. All in all, I am not a physical specimen who is going to get women's attention. Before my wife, I was a miserable failure when it came to women. I guess that feeling of failure and the long years of feeling inadequate prompt me to see if I can impress another woman now. I have conflicting desires. I do want to be faithful to my wife, but I am tempted. That's what I was trying to say. I confess I am not consistent in everything. And yes, I have gone to porn substitutes but I don't consider this period a complete failure. And by the way, I'm not trying to say that I would qualify as a porn star or anything. I don't want to exaggerate things. But after so many years of thinking I was the smallest guy in the room, I was relieved to find that I'm good in that area. But it's like I still crave more and more confirmation. I know it's neurotic and wrong. I'm not looking for you to tell me I'm right, but to see if others have faced similar cravings for affirmation in one way or another.
I get where you are coming from. So, work hard to fight against these impulses you have and build on your progress.
