Hi Everyone, I'm going to openly share something I have been trying to understand as a Christen as to why am I still struggling with looking at porn. It took a bad turn last year after I saw an image of a trans woman. Since then this is what I have been viewing besides viewing pictures of nude women and I don't understand why. I was not brought up homosexual and I was always attracted to women who have the chromosome of a woman, not a man. I just read testimony here on NoFrap about a transsexual woman who is an escort and two things caught my attention loneliness and feeling undesirable by women. For I can relate to the loneliness even now more so where I'm now living I feel isolated. The other part I can relate to is not being desired by women and I'm my case it's my disability. My viewing of porn started when I was in my teens, I'm now in my early 50s. I had few friends and when I was not with friends I spent most of my time alone. One thing I always wanted and wished I had was a girlfriend. My parents felt saddened for me because I was always bullied when I was growing up due to my disabilities. I was even bullied by my own classmates in special education and this too I could not understand why because we were in the same class together and had the same thing in common. My mom raised me going to church every Sunday and I was an altar boy in the Lutheran church we attended. My parents knew I was looking at porn and experimenting with sex toys. I remember saying something to my mom about my problem and I remember her telling me that if I kept on doing this I will end up gay. As a Christian, I understood something that we as Lutherans did not know and that is don't be condemning your children by speaking something negative about them. What my mom did not know is she gave a self-fulfilling prophecy over me. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, speak life not death over them and show them the right way. I don't want this in my life and I don't want to end up with a trans woman. This is definitely not God's will for my life and I know that I'm not who the devil is condemning me to be. I'm who God says I am and he calls me victorious and I shall make it into heaven. I invite all feedback even from those who are transsexual in helping me get a better understanding as to why I keep doing this. I desire to be used by God to help others by being a speaker in my struggle giving my own testimony. We can grow and learn from each other. You never know you might find the answer to your problems. We are like pieces to the puzzle in finding the answers to our questions that can help us solve our problems as we try to pinpoint them. Have a wonderful day/night, Daniel
I am not trans, buyt as someone who escalated through porn to watch trans porn. I can say this: If you never thought about man in sexual way , you are not gay. Your sexuality wont change overnight by a photo. Secondly, you saw a trans pornstars who look amazong and you attracted to her feminine parts like any girl but the “thing” is taboo. I dont whats your history in porn or sexual experience. But in real life they are not like them (well mostly) so you will probably wont be attracted to one. I haf hocd becuse of pmo and i went to psychological therapy. Its the best thing i did. Dont be ashamed of yourself. If you think you have a problem , so go and fix it!!! its the hardest thing ,i know to accept you have a problem and take care of yourself. Dont expect especially in religious community and home that someone will help you in the way you really need. Do it yourself!!! Stand up You should read about porn escalation and dopomine level and you will understand that you are not alone in this, so many suffering from that. Be strong man , and trust yourself! i want to believe that if god was real he would wanted that we should lern to take care of ourselves and to take action and not to wait for him. be strong man , and take care yourself. Dont be afraid from others thoughts. U will feel so much better after that
Hi OP. Everything you described sounds like sexual stuff a normal heterosexual male would be into. Being attracted to trans women does not mean you are gay. Heterosexual men are naturally attracted to femininity and trans women are very feminine. So it's natural for a heterosexual male to be attracted to them. I wouldn't shame yourself over that. You don't have to continue looking at trans P if you don't want to- and as a P addict I'd say you definitely shouldn't- you need to cut out all P from your life- trans as well as cis. That being said, coming to a place where you can acknowledge that you find trans women attractive and that there is nothing wrong with that would be helpful in your situation. Heaping unneeded shame on ourselves just makes us feel bad and want to look at more porn, so it's self-defeating and destructive.
I would argue with the greatest conviction that watching "trans " porn is a form of abuse because it entitles\enables the person in his delusion,ie:gravely disordered dismorphia. But, I will be honest and say any activity which perpetuates self-harm (such as porn perfoming actually is) is inherently morally despicable. its the same logic of why we should call out people who watch g/re videos.
The law of diminishing returns will take u to all kinds of places. In my experience u can shape your arousal template w heavy porn use. I don't think there's such a thing as "being gay or straight." U r a sexual being who gets aroused by different scenarios based upon your experiences. Seems like to some extent that is hardwired and some of it is built through habitual porn use and exposure.
