Sex with porn vs sex without.

Ups and downs. Try not to resort to fantasy. Porn kills our ability to stay in the moment and enjoy the real sex.
Better to take a break or switch to cuddling, touching or oral.

 

I just read the first few sentences. It sounds like you need marriage counseling.

 

With all due respect, skimming the rest of your message, it seemed too personal for me to read. I felt guilty reading it. I'm not disparaging your marriage.

See, that's personal dude. TMI. It's also indicative that you could use some counseling.

 

You are replying in an insensitive, and a misleading way, I completely disagree with you.

Freedom is coming - I wish you luck and a relate to your experience with and without porn, I believe in you!

 

Insensitive, maybe. Misleading, how?

 

I was told about having an online persona and what the difference is between that and the real you. Would you bring your online persona into the real world? If not why not? What do you need to change? Hope thats helpful friend

 

It’s interesting the impact of porn use on sex, and also on the similarities and differences between porn addiction and sex addiction.

like you I am married and have struggled with a porn addiction for several decades, so I can relate to your experience. Porn addiction robbed me of intimacy and the ability to experience joy and be present across all aspects of life. Because porn gave me an easy dopamine fix with very little effort required.

Proper sex is a bit more give and take and is much about pleasuring your partner as pleasuring yourself - which is all that PMO is about.

Anyway, what I wanted to say. Be careful that you don’t use your wife as a PMO substitute. I’ve fallen foul of this in the past (I think) where I’m using my wife to get my rocks off, like you would a prostitute. Because I’ve been triggered. It’s not healthy, and it’s not right, and it isn’t recovery. Just some advice based on my experience.

good luck!!!

 

Pretty much everything in this thread is 100% (besides the marriage counseling advice). This forum is becoming more and more toxic and causing me to seriously consider leaving it.

The benefits of sex with out porn are immense. The pleasure you get together when you focus 100% on each other is somewhat magical. Completely submerging yourself into that state with another person is truly what we were designed to do. My sexual experiences after even reducing porn use have been the best of my life.

I would also agree with the idea of being careful that you’re not using sex as a substitute for PMO. Your mindset going into sex is as important as your physical performance. I’ve noticed that when I jump into bed with the addict mindset of getting off, the experience is not fulfilling for either of us. Or, at least, it’s not nearly as fulfilling. We might both consider the experience successful, but there isn’t that deep connection during that provides a whole, other-wordly, pleasure.

I realize that I sound a bit like a mystic on here lol. But, hey, the ancients worshipped sex as a magical experience. Maybe this is why?

 

It truly is a night and day difference. I went 3-4 months of no pornography before and my performance was significantly better. I think women can tell the difference. I’m currently trying to do no pornography nor fapping for the rest of my life, it’s that worth it when it comes to my relationship with my partner.

 

Same here, I’m having the same experience now and have in the past. One thing I need to watch for is going back to PMO if/when my relationship hits any bumps (which all relationships do). Just need to make sure I work through it and don’t give that as an excuse for my inner addict to say ‘well fuck her, let’s go PMO, she doesn’t deserve the best of you’. That’s total bullshit inner addict talk that we need to fight against.

 

This is a huge struggle for me that I’m working through as well. It’s such a bullshit excuse. Engage with the friction, that’s how you make fire.

 

Agreed, it can get toxic at times, and I've had to use the "mute" feature more than once early on to get a couple angry and toxic ex-wives out of my feed. Not sure why they're here other than to beat men up digitally and be praised for it, but I certainly don't need them dumping their emotional baggage on my plate. I have enough of my own.

If someone is giving you bad advice more than once, or tossing insults, they can simply be muted.

I do not want to leave though. This place is unique, and was/is crucial in my battle against PMO addiction.

 

Not to take over this thread, but the forum is a great place to get started. However, I have found the weekly calls to be incredibly helpful. I’m about to complete a year of calls and I can say that I honestly don’t think I’d be where I’m at if it wasn’t for them. I have a long way to go, but they’ve significantly shortened the distance.

 

I ageee there is some very bad advice. However, I also see the majority of people thinking advice they do not want to hear is “ toxic”. I would disagree about the marriage counseling that was given but do believe that addicts benefit greatly from individual counseling. With porn/sex addiction the marriage suffers immensely but it isn’t because it’s a marriage problem. It’s because of the addiction. Once the addict is in recovery ( well over a year is advised) then the couple can begin working on the marriage. 5 years total of marriage counseling with 3 different counselors only confirmed I wanted to divorce. 4 years individual counseling for my husband, him actually working and getting into recovery changed our marriage. I have been married 30 years. Wanted a divorce for 27. Husband thought we had a great marriage the entire time. The last three years, because of his recovery and complete changes in his life, I have had a dream man and marriage. He is everything I ever wanted and more. I used to hate being in the same room as him, now, I love being with him. One of the biggest changes ? He’s not nearly so sensitive when someone disagrees with him, he can talk like an adult and accept that not everyone will agree. He doesn’t get angry or upset he just lets it go. I have over 10 pages of journaling on here about the way his recovery has changed him. Even I didn’t know how much until I started writing it down as it happened. It’s not just sex that changes, it’s everything.

 

Nicest post I seen in a while men