On football and other addictions or “ special interests”

That’s good to hear.

Watching a sport all day is on the extreme side of typical, but

I mean… if he perceives what you term as “noise” as a passive-aggressive display of your displeasure of his activities, I can see the irritation. The hyperfocus and the yelling seems to be over the line, though. I also know it’s very typical to get, erm, “passionate,” about sports teams and sports in general, but to allow oneself to become acutely emotionally invested in an outcome one has zero control over seems unwise. I’m acting as Peanut Gallery in this, but it seems to me, on the spectrum or not, this activity is serving a deep psychological need for your SO. Maybe P was filling it before, maybe not, and I can’t begin to speculate what it is. I don’t know him, I don’t know precisely how he’s interacting with the activity, and most importantly, I’m not a qualified psychoanalyst. All I can say is, it doesn’t sound like the most balanced approach to life, and he’d probably be happier if he could figure out what football is partially satisfying in his life, so he can meet that need more efficiently and completely.

Not all men are stuck to the screen watching football on Sundays. Some men are obsessed with politics, some are into bow hunting, some spend inordinate amounts of time on their landscaping, and it’s not a gendered thing either. Women have their obsessions too, and we all tend to fall into ones that fit our persona and also fit on the range of socially acceptable. Few people are totally optimal in their behaviors. Rest assured, unless/until he gets himself sorted out, if it’s not one thing it’ll be another.

I don’t love it and you definitely don’t love it, but maybe. There’s worse things he could fixate on. It depends on how much you want to tolerate, how much you are willing to risk and trade for what you want. He might feel that football is “his” thing and would be threatened if he thought you were trying to take it from him, or even encroaching on it. Alternatively, if he himself is bothered by it, if he senses dissatisfaction with the behavior, he might be amenable to addressing it. It doesn’t sound like he’s enjoying himself, more like he feels on a deep level that this stuff has to be monitored.

6 days out of 7 isn’t bad, and it makes it a lot easier for you that his day is predictable. I’m classified as “neurologically diverse,” and my “diverse” times are definitely not predictable and definitely not pleasant for anyone, myself included. You may find the most peaceable option is to work out a mutual isolation on game day. However, if you believe his behavior is excessively detrimental to you and the relationship, it may be worth kindly discussing and looking for a solution.

 

Some men are obsessed with football. I've heard of guys who've not attended weddings or missed the birth of their child because their team is playing. I mean I like sports and watching games but at the end of the day, it's just a game. It isn't the end of the world if my team loses or I miss a game. I suppose on the plus side he's not travelling to games every week or he doesn't get angry when his team loses. Some men beat up their wives when their team loses.

 

Football is a male soap opera.

 

I can definitely see how your husband's football obsession is frustrating for you. Especially if quality time is one of your love languages and you feel like you're losing Sunday to a sport where the outcome doesn't really matter. It's possible that watching football is just filling the whole that PMO used to occupy. I think you should definitely speak up and say something if it is bothering you but try to take an approach where you reflect on how it makes you feel instead of just saying I don't want you watching football anymore. And this is coming from a guy who watches sports at least 3 days a week.

Is your husband gambling or playing fantasy football at all?

 

I am on your husband's side here. He's allowed to have his own life as well. Now, I obviously don't know the specifics of the relationship and how well things generally are with both of you at the moment, but if this is bothering you, then maybe you should question yourself as to why you are upset with him having his own time to do what he wants.

 

I agree with you here. I think he should have the space to have time to himself, but spending a whole day watching football can be seen as a different type of addition especially if there's gambling involved. I guess we would have to know more about their relationship.

 

Let the man have his passions.

 

I agree, if he was only watching his team every week that would be ok, but by the sound of things he's watching every Sunday live game on TV which is a bit too much.

 

Maybe he doesn't support a team in particular, maybe he just likes football per se and watches as much as he can.

 

Football is my passion as well, I like to play and watch it, but my gf doesn't like it, and she doesn't respect that everyone likes something different, and has his own passion in life, she calls it a stupid thing, and I rarely watch a game anymore, because we stay hanging out together, but she doesn't respect that it is my passion, and it's annoying, even I only like to watch one team, and I don't stay fixed watching all games and screaming, but it's all normal to react with football games, so if it doesn't hurt neither of you, then just let him have and enjoy his passion, because i wish i can too.

And you can just talk to him about the passive-aggressive reaction he makes, and things will be good, but as i said it is all normal for men to react with football matches.