Day 4: despite some difficulties in life and some terrible sleep (weather and nightmare) I have managed to stay away from PMO. I'll try to reflex on myself to find out what's wrong with it
(un)lucky #13/90: feeling pretty chill, plenty of exams and deadlines in the next 10 days, hope to keep the streak going even tho I am going through a lot of stress rn
Hey man, had a close shave today... going well into AGP mode and self indulgence... I watch a documentary on the harms of P and it has taken me back from the brink. This feels like a particularly difficult 90 days to achieve - What must I do more in order to achieve the 90 days: Answers: - Become a team player at work again - Exercise (Go for a run) every morning at 6am - Take an early night... Like tonight it is already 10:20pm... I know I must go to sleep soon in order that I will be rested for an early start tomorrow - Abundance Mediation: I found this very helpful: (232) Unlock & Manifest Abundance | Guided Meditation | Manifestation | Wallace Wattles - YouTube I have been drinking this afternoon but I didn't Fap. My value structure will allow me to smoke weed and drink alcohol and eat sweets... Even though I know these things are bad for me. Because I have avoided wasted that precious of essenses that being the Semen Essence which is life giving and life preserving. However, I am fully aware that over-indulgence in these other modalities can be triggering towards PMO/Fap behaviours. Alcohol affects my judgement, weed can enhance my senses to the point that I want to "enjoy" P.... However, today these things will not happen. I will deal with my addictions in the order they are killing me. Alcoholism has the potential kill me if I do not take charge of it today. Over indulgence in sweet things has the potential to cause me health problems such as diabetes, in the long run, if I do not take charge of these things today., they may revisit and haunt me for the rest of my days. I've been more active on this forum, these last 2 weeks, than I have in some time. For me that is a good sign, still however, complacency is not an option. I am still weak and vulnerable. I could really use a serious accountability partner in UK/GMT/BST Timezone whom we can speak to each other to keep one another on track. Until then, I give this my all. God is present in me, even though the devil still tries to have his way with me. Peace, Serenity and success to you all in your endevours.
Day 0 (2): Relapse. For this time it is a mixed feeling: I don't hate myself for what I've done, but I know that I could last longer than I did. Why did I do it? Loneliness? Tough day? Problems that I don't want to solve? Maybe. To be honest, I guess I didn't got out of this habit fully. Still, a little sense of that, that I could do better will keep appearing. Yet, I need to reflect on myself, why did I start to do it, why do I keep doing it. Perhaps I'll find the answer within myself. Yet, my war is not over. I still have battles to fight.
15/90-Yesterday was a little tough as I battled the urges to escape from strong feelings of inadequacy. It dawned on me that I am quite not ready yet to do interviews to get a job as a software developer. There is still a big gap. But I think I am just three months away from becoming 'ready'. One can never be ready in this field of software development. There is always something new to learn
Day 14/90 There is it!! Two weeks without PMO!! Really glad with the progress so far. Need to stay aware in order to not slip up.