Thanks my friend. yesterday I had a hard time at it, but after urge surfing some big waves, I'm doing OK now. So here we go, day 15!! Halfway indeed.
Hey, I'm sure you can do this. It is definitely difficult but taking it one day at a time you can build your streak longer. I had been having urges too, many times triggered by low mood, and PMO kinda becomes an escape. But after my last relapse I realized that my low feeling goes away but along with it, all feelings go away and I emotionally and mentally become numb (and more negative effects follow). I hit day 4 today and I am finding it hard to not give in, but I tell myself that my last relapse did no good, and that's helping me fight. My last streak was 7 and I want to go longer than that this time, even one day longer is good. Maybe if I relapse again (which I wish not), I will again stay determined to have a longer streak next. That's still progress. I hope you keep fighting too, and you push to that "one day more" in your streak. All the best in this journey!
23/30 I'm again close to relapsing. I almost relapsed yesterday, but somehow managed to pass the night. I'm not sure if I can continue this streak, as much as I'd have liked to carry on. This streak is clearly very important to me, as my work depends on it. If I relapse I won't be able to function at the level I'm required of my work, infact a relapse will make me unfit. It'd mean, I'll have to again rebuild the streak till 21 days to start making any impact. I know it, I know how hard it was to get through the first 2 weeks, almost relapsed at many occasions. Took a lot of patience to get here. I'm not sure now if I can continue. I also think I'm no longer the person i used to be. I'm constantly in conflict with my thoughts and feelings. If this is what emotionally involving with a girl does, I did not want it. I could revert back in time and choose to not go through what has cost me my well being. I've clearly failed to move on. There are times when I'm working I feel terrible emptiness, like I'm right now. This results in hopelesness and I just feel like giving up. I did a thorough deconstruction of my feelings and it's clear, my work means less to me over association with the mention. This means it'll always take a back seat and that lingering feeling of incompleteness will always lurk, and nothing seems to cure it. I know I'm f kd. I knew it a long time ago. This thing has no cure.
