Negative YouTube Channel

Hi,

About a year ago or so, I came across an….interesting YouTube channel. There are certain other channels that involve people who are depressed because they are in their 30s, work dead-end job, and have not gotten to where they wanna be in life. This channel that I’m referring to is one that’s dedicated to criticizing and tearing these people down half the time. I know it’s not good for me to watch these people, but I feel that I can relate to them a lot, because I’m 32, and haven’t learned all of the skills I want to. I see myself in these people.

but some toxic comments from the critical channel include as follows:

“You guys are finished. You’re both gonna commit suicide.” (I would NEVER say that to ANY human being, and not just for liability reasons).

“If you were in your early 20s, you might have had a chance, but it’s too late for you now.”

“You might as well climb into a casket because you’re dead. The man is defeated. He lost.”

“You spent too much time prioritizing women, and you’ve destroyed your life.” (In my 20s I was much more hung up on “crushes” than I am now)

“You’re a depressed loser.”

“You’ve got a loser job, and you’re gonna be working it the rest of your life. It’s over. You’re done.”

“You’re about 20 years behind where you should be in life.”

“You have no talent. Accept that you’re low intelligence and have to work low intelligence jobs.”

“That’s not really what you want to do as a career. You’re just bullshitting yourself.”

It seems as if I’ve taken all these comments too much to heart, but my brain seems to be forcing me to make sense of them because every new jobs I’m trying to get or look into, it seems like I’m learning every detail and every skill so much later than I should. Honestly, I wish I could get this guy’s messages out of my head and write him off as a naysayer but it’s hard. It feels like there is little to no hope for me to be successful, but at least I have a couple of skills. I’m an actor and playwright, but making a living at that is like making a living as a fucking magician in the street. Trying to have more confidence in that regard. But I wish I had more skills to offer, like I wish I was better with carpentry or working on cars (which I love doing, mind you, but I’m playing catch-up much later than I should be).

another thing is that the person on this channel may or may not be an “incel,” which I am NOT—I actually have experience w/ dating, sex, etc (he talks about the “Manosphere” and “females” all the time), but it just reinforces the notion that I have a hard time seeing any success on the horizon, that I’m behind in everything, and that it’s over. Not going to link the channel here because I don’t want this guy to get any attention or views.

Being socially awkward and having a hard time networking with the right people in my profession, really knowing what I’m talking about, maintaining a conversation, being shy, and being a sex addict don’t help either. Also have a dead-end job I want to get out of, that I feel I’m too old for, and opportunities aren’t opening up that way I want them to.

I don’t really believe in the Christian God but I am very spiritual. Whoever, or whatever I’m praying to…please get the message of hopelessness out of my head, and let in utter, unabashed confidence.

I want to stop taking anything this asshole says seriously, full stop, so that I don’t have to feel like a big joke anymore.

 

My current solution is to just do what I usually do and say, “Go f yourself, I’m gonna succeed anyway.”