Addicted to Chat Sites and Mutual Masterbation 2 str8 porn

Interesting take on it. I was seeing it as a step back from porn, but maybe it is as bad, or even worse!

 

It occurred to me that it's worse when I remembered that I almost instantly got bored with videos once I discovered that chatting can provide much more novelty. My addiction was nowhere near as bad when I was just watching videos, but it really began to spiral out of control with the chat sites.

 

Are you doing it with men or women?

 

I hadn’t thought of the competitive aspect of it, but that’s definitely one of the layers to this. And as Mr. Kruger says, it can be more addicting because you don’t know the outcome. I think this particular addiction (straight guys camming with each other) is more complex than other porn addictions. I actually just realized that, which is why this forum is so great to discuss and realize and figure out things. I had watched porn videos sometimes, not even quite regularly, but when I discovered this camming, I got hooked.

 

The sites I use have been anonymous roulette-style video chats. And being able to click ‘next’ and connect with guys from all over the world.makes it that much more addicting.

 

I'm pretty sure it's against the rules to link to or mention actual sites on this forum.

 

It's probably best that I don't know anyway. This place is good for thinking out loud!

 

I didn't know that this was a common issue...I thought I had developed some weird, fucked up new and unhealthy behavior.

I had a PMO problem before this was even an issue. It was excessive, almost daily. It got to the point where even when I would have sex with real women, I couldn't finish because I felt so desensitized. Not only that, but my p*** preferences were getting more extreme. The old stuff wasn't hitting like it used to, and I went down a rabbit hole into fantasies that made me feel really disgusted with myself.

Chatting became an issue in college when I had the privacy of a dorm room. And it almost wrecked my life. I had agreed to skype with a scammer who got hold of my number and social media and took screenshots of various contacts threatening to send them photos they took of me if I didn't send them $500 through gift cards. Luckily, I called their bluff, but I was huddled in my room having a heart attack for a whole weekend. And I still kept going on those sites. Even after almost getting my images leaked, even after getting into a committed relationship, even as the time I spent kept me up til 3 or 4AM weeknights.

In the last few months, it took a new turn when I got into mutual masturbation. It started because I started reading the comments under the videos of a certain site and got turned on by the things men were saying. On the chat sites, it's often hard to find a woman to chat with. They have a lot of options, there's way more guys than women, etc. It's become pretty much the only sexual activity I go for now online. I barely watch p*** or chat with women. All these problems I've mentioned, they're still issues: infidelity, de-sensitization, lost time. But my biggest concern is how quickly my preferences are sliding more and more extreme.

I got into journalling this past year and it's helped me process a lot of things. The last few years, outside of all this sexual stuff, my life wasn't in good shape. I was in an unhealthy relationship where I wasn't getting my needs met due to a savior complex that I have, not just with romantic partners but with family and strangers too. I did it because I desperately craved to be perceived as a good person because I kind of believed in some version of karma. But I felt exhausted and frustrated that I was putting my energy into others, but wasn't getting my problems solved by others the way I was trying to solve others' problems, if that makes sense.

Part of the reason I got into mutual masturbation was because it felt scummy and gross and perverted. When I imagined people who did this, I imagined them to be scummy people in real life, and I think that's what I wanted to be for a bit, to only care about my own pleasure and not whether I was being perceived as a 'good person'. Basically for me personally, all of this stems from my frustrations about not advocating for myself and my needs, and putting others' needs on a pedestal to an unhealthy, unnecessary, and imbalanced level.

 

I've only recently realized myself how big a part of my problem chat really is. But I agree with you that this is a hugely common issue. I just wanted to respond to tell you how much of what you posted is the same for me. You are absolutely not alone in this. Good luck with everything.

 

I didn’t have a porn addiction until I discovered the sex chat sites, in particular the roulette kind. I think it’s because you are engaged in something that is happening in real time, so it’s easy to rationalize that somehow it’s “better for you” than a standard porn video site, therefore the lure can be much stronger.

 

I totally relate. It’s a struggle

 

I feel like for a lot of people, getting into unhealthy habits like these don't happen in a vacuum. There are a ton of underlying issues and insecurities and trauma that lead up to that point. That's not to justify such behaviors, 'why' doesn't mean 'should'. But I'm hoping that if I can address those underlying things, it'll at least become easier to deal with all these escalating sexual activities that I've gotten tangled up in.

 

Its a mix of things and chat is particularly aweful. I was addicted to it, and particularly addicted to chatting with older men. I'd pose as people I wasn't, or 'characters' for roleplay. And...I was good at it. I've wanted to quit for so long, and did for a while but relapsed x100. One thought that's helped me is the realization that in chatting like that, the person on the other end very much could be in the same boat as you, and YOU might be the thing that makes them keep wanting it. You not only are contributing to your own addiction, but theirs as well. Its not a good thought, but I've found it helpful in motivating me.

You're not alone in this fight. You aren't 'the worst'....and your addiction is multi-facetted. The allure of experiencing things with another, unpredictable, person. The secrecy...the chasing. Its seeking a human connection so you're not alone in the things you 'liked'. It all makes it harder to stop.

 

Yes- I have mentioned that too- this particular thing of camming with other guys had several layers, and figuring it’s complexities takes time, which it sounds like you are on the road to doing that! And when a while back I tried to quit “ cold turkey”, I would also go on quite a binge, like you mentioned. I appreciate your point of basically being an enabler to others with the same problem.

 

Wow..i didn’t know there were more people like me out there..didn’t any of you develop pelvic floor dysfunction? Like i swear from hours of edging on cam my tail bone is always tucked from pelvic floor muscles. I even have trouble with bowel movements. I always thought it was from this. I cant even have sex anymore because its not as “good” but i know thats just a sign of how bad things have gotten. Jackson1000 pretty much summed up how i felt this past year and a half. It did lead to find a cancerous growth on one of my testicles though. Got one removed so atleast that happened lol. It came while my mom was battling pancreatic cancer though. It has taken A lot of caring and i feel like i put my stuff on hold Alot. Like i lost my job. Went on unemployment to and stayed on it to help my mom at home because my dad passed away 2 years ago and so did my step dad last year. Ive basically been helping my mom and my soster who lives with my mom the whole time since covid. I met my gf who is great but she seems like she always needs me around alot too or she has anxiety. Shes wonderful but this whole time the last year and a half i have fallen deeper and deeper into the cam site whole. Thats when my symptoms of weird slow bowel movements started and urine getting stuck in my urthera. Now i have a hemorrhoid surgery coming up because it im so tight. Im in therapy and have gone to mutliple pelvic floor therapists for it too. Man..this blows my mind! I have tried to stop but on day 3 my ball (not balls lol ) hurts bad like i need to release my semen. Ugh

 

Yes- it’s the excitement, the taboo here too. As I have commented before, I think this is far more common than is thought; and much more addicting than watching pornography vids. And another part of the draw is finding like-minded guys to do it with.

 

This is such a good way of looking at it for me. I can get motivation if I thinknof the struggles that the men I engaged with must be going through rather than anonymous men.

 

Funny. I've come back to nofap because after a month of being ok, I've gone back to the chat site. The notification popped up and there's been so many more updates on this thread. So glad I'm not going mad. I can relate to pretty much everything that's been said.

• I'm hardly watching porn vids. The thrill after a break watching porn and then going back to porn vids just isn't there anymore.
• I'm wasting time with chat. I waste time clicking through profiles. Seeing if anyone has similar tastes.
• In my chat history are the guys I had most fun with and will check to see whether they're online again.
• I get frustrated when they're clearly having multiple chats because it takes a while to reply.
• My creativity just goes berserk and I come up with stuff that I wouldn't dream of ever voicing. I sound like a cliche'd porn director.

And ultimately, it just isn't that fulfilling. It's popcorn. A cheap rush that I instantly regret. At least with porn vids, I know I can usually find the ones I like with a quick keyword search. Chat is so random that I might end up in one that gets me off, or I might not.

And also, because chat is silent, I can go into a chat with someone when there are others in the house. That's crossing a line I hate.

I do find it strange that there are so many on their that identify as straight or mainly straight, and still get off this way, and I can identify with a poster who said it's the intimacy he craves and the fun of talking about sex with someone. If my wife wanted to talk dirty with me I really don't think I'd have much of a problem. But this is not my wife's fault. I'm in a relationship and have to take my share of the responsibility for it. And let's be honest, she's not the one on chat and porn sites making the situation worse.

I'm going to reset my counter today and add a note to my journal. Tomorrow's day 1. I hope I can make at least 1 day.

 

Hey everyone, I too have been lurking and joined with the sole intent of updating/supporting this thread. My background: I've been addicted to this stuff pretty much exclusively, going back as far as 11 years old (I'm 24 now). Never had much interest in porn or video / audio chat, but my problem has been roleplaying. I'll save the overview for either a different post or a profile, so as not to clutter this one, but suffice it to say, I got it real bad, absolute addict, hardly any control, it has probably shaped my life in a significant way because of it happening during my childhood, teens, and now into my twenties, getting progressively worse despite any attempts to rein it in.
I'm trying to quit for good this time, hard mode, cold turkey, delete everything, lock myself out, etc. I read this thread and although I already knew there were plenty of other guys like me because I had been roleplaying with some of them for a literal decade before I found this site, I am glad to see that I'm not the only one trying (and struggling desperately) to get away from it without feeling much hope for life getting better after I quit.
I noticed a lot of the same things that you fellow gentlemen have noticed and wanted to share my affirmation and share some of the things I've learned along the way.

• It's social. I've been lonely all my life, reinforced by this garbage. I was a lonely but curious kid and I let my curiosity roam to dangerous places, but in my teens I was pretty outcast from people and of course, especially girls due to my utter lack of physical fitness and my character being "that smart kid" but also "that kid no one can relate to". The roleplays made me feel loved and accepted in a way real life did not.
• It's a creative outlet. I have been criticized for my lack of creativity and certainly that criticism is not unfounded, but my writing has been good ever since I was in my teens, and I can't help but think that some of it has to do with how much I wanted to express these sexual desires via a text-only chat. I dreamed up scenes and even complex, multi-"chapter" storylines for my roleplay worlds that drove my partners wild but sometimes were so weird and convoluted that they were turned off.
• The brain loves to play: Interactivity is what makes video games more than just a "choose your own adventure" storybook or TV show. I haven't ever liked movies or TV and after I got to be like 13-14 I stopped liking reading too, but I could play video games endlessly until I was 20 or so. I was especially susceptible to creative games, kerbal space program, minecraft, etc. The roleplays are different from porn because I can play in my fantasy world, and even if the response I get from my partner is lackluster, I can still get off to just having something more than a thought or an image.
• It triggers the part of the brain that values connection. I'm not a neuro-anything-ist but I am fairly certain there is a part of the brain that responds to and thrives on connection with what it perceives to be other humans, especially if those connections bring the all-intoxicating dopamine. This mechanism was absolutely stoked by the chatting, in some cases where I really connected with my partner I actually got excited to receive their messages and looked forward to hearing from them like I would a good friend. There were even cases where I felt legit breakup symptoms when they left. I'm ashamed to admit it but I will, while I may not have ever loved any of these fellow-weirdos, I absolutely loved what I had with them and got angry, felt like I had been dumped, actually sad for days on end when they left me or ghosted me.

This post has gotten really long so I think I will make a different thread to try to log these symptoms and such, but I hope it helps some of you. All I have to offer for help is that we're not doing this alone, I plan to stick it out forever and never go back even though I feel like I have no hope of a "better life" after quitting. Life has more to offer than getting off to fantasies, lies masquerading as love, and flushing another several hours of regret down the drain on the daily... even if those things included in "more to offer" have nothing to do with sex or its pleasures. We just have to find them, and take hold of them.

 

Yep. For me the first experiences online was text chatting, just one on one because even having a computer at home (like 80s) was rare so it's a novelty typing back and forth, and you had all of the other persons attention because of it. So that laid the foundation and it just sort of mutated into sex chatting later on. So on some level it's associated with that social need, even though it's pretty diluted and my attention is a fraction of what it was, because I used to spend hours on end chatting, even when it was the age of Yahoo chat I had a hell of a lot more patience with things, now it's just normal for people to say random disjointed stuff instead of a long one on one chat. And back then nobody cared about sex, I remember the wife of one system operator was the object of peoples attention since most people who used computers were guys but that just didn't come up, nowhere near what it is now. If anything people geeked out, be into games a little bit and that's it.

I hadn't thought about it but I guess compared to what younger guys go through now it was pretty innocent, it'd be like someone grew up drinking formula out of a washed out beer bottle or something but didn't taste alcohol until later. And yet I got into PMO for a long time, so I definitely acknowledge it being more intense for people now.