Today was a great day. My husbands family came into town along with his mom who is staying with us for 4 days. None of them know about his addiction. I just want to say these are some wonderful people so happy and full of life. And they live me so much. I can't but help think if he had grew up with these people maybe he wouldn't have had to resort to porn at such a young age. When he's with them there is so much happyness these people bring out in him. I'm happy he is around good people that bring positivity to his life. This is one night that I can rest easy and know that he will not be on his phone possibly Feeding his monster. I'm home bc I have go to bed I have work tomorrow and he is there with them and his mom till later. I love these people and they love me. And the fear I feel with this addiction is real. I cryed going home tonight thinking of how everyone there would never imagine the hurt we have been threw together. And what they might say to me if they knew. I would never want to stop being a part of this family that I love. And how grim I imagine for my future at times. But as I was crying In my mind I Hurd don't be afraid everything is going to be ok. So for tonight I'm going to rest and be free of my fear. I'm praying for everyone on this site to have the same comfort tonight and rest. Thank you for reading.
Yours is truly a heartfelt and honest post, and it's so good to see someone who can really see the goodness in other people, a reflection of your own heart. And, it sounds as if that even amid your tears of sorrow, some of them are actually tears of joy as well. Best wishes on this difficult journey.
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm praying for u and everyone on here. May God walk next to you on your journey.
Being married really is a sacred place. There are times of great laughter and joy. There are other times when habits, words and actions hurt and wound. It's a place for two, and only you and him will share what is happening. It is a secret and many of your closest issues will go to the grave with you - both hurt and happiness. Not that I am justifying his behavior, I'm sure you can also see how much fear there is he will be found out and rejected from the ones who love him. He feels this, and it is crippling... "There's no way in the world they would love me if they knew me. If they knew what I looked at and what I did. They would hate me and never talk to me again!!" It is the most loneliest there is... complete isolation. The future holds no promises. The only time that matters is now, so enjoy his family and enjoy the happiness he feels with them. During this time he is "free." It's my hope too that all will be ok and time will heal the hurt and addiction. Perfect love overcomes fear. Wishes and blessings, HF.
