So years and years of porn and sex addiction have finally suffered a fatal blow. I honestly thought I was doomed to be a seedy old lonely man sat staring at his computer, cut of physically and emotionally from the world. Constantly craving, constantly feeding the insatiable monster as my desires and fantasies got darker and darker. My hate for myself following the trajectory fuelling the ever decreasing circle by numbing the pain with more of the very thing that was causing it in the first place. Then 93 days ago I had an awful experience. I got caught out on a chat room site and photos of me were sent to my wife and immediate family. In that instant my heart stopped, the world around me came crashing down and I was completely broken. My wife quite rightly threw me out. I had lost everything. Turns out that wasn’t true. I found out just how good my close friends were when they rallied around and supported me. My son gave me a home and told me how much he loved me and that he would support and help me. My daughters stuck by me and eventually after much soul searching my wife has given me a second chance and I am back home. I see a counsellor and I am on anti depressants and I have not strayed since that day. I have had urges of course but I have not succumbed. I have also found faith in God and that has really surprised me. This has helped me tremendously !!! I honestly never envisaged myself writing anything like this. Today I am better than I have ever been. I weight train, I am in contact and am closer to my good friends than I have been in a long time. My wife and I are closer than ever and although she struggles at times we talk and communicate openly and honestly. Knowing there is a greater purpose out there has taken the fear from me. That shock , that punishment for my actions has been incredibly important as it turns out. I feel as though I have been justifiably punished and have paid a price for my sins. As a result of that the guilt that I constantly struggled with has gone. This has been so freeing. I see colour again. I laugh easily. I feel confident. I don’t turn to alcohol anymore. I feel confident and talk with a calmness and strength that I just didn’t have before. So anyone reading this , thankyou. Understand that know matter how desperate you feel , no matter how hooked you are, no matter how out of control everything feels , never give up. I was genuinely a hopeless case in the absolute depths of this terrible addiction. You can get your life back and be free but it will hurt. Accept that pain and take it one day at a time. Connect with your friends. Talk openly to someone and get some support and accountability. Message me if you wish but please understand that what is on the other side is so worth it. I wish you all well
There was a time in 2017 I showed some compromising pictures to what I thought was a girl who were sending me naked pictures aswell. We started talking on whatsapp and as soon as we got there a few minutes later they switched up. Told me they were a dude, a hacker who has all my contacts and will send the pictures to them if I don't send them $14k right that moment. They showed evidence they had my contact list + the pictures, my heart almost stopped, my life almost ended that day, I would've rather died than have that happen. What saved me was going to settings and deleting everything on the phone, returning it to factory settings. I didn't know if it would work or not but it apparently did, since everything on my phone got deleted I assume whatever backdoor they were using also got deleted. Anyways, I thought I would share this incase it helps anyone in the future.
This post was very inspirational. Helped be dodge a strong urge. Very happy you've been able to achieve your dreams and are slowly rebuilding the relationship porn once destroyed. Best of luck going forward.
Well guys , I just want to say thank you for your kind comments. Over 100 days now and feeling strong. Tested positive for Covid today and feel mentally absolutely fine. A year ago I would have absolutely been paralyzed with fear. Today, I'm just annoyed.Honestly , the benefits of stopping go way beyond simply not viewing anymore. I promise you all, the pain of quitting is absolutely worth the reward. God bless you all.