Why my friends see relationships this way?

Disclaimer 1: This is a long post, and apologetically so. There is a TL;DR at the end if you don’t care to read it all. I’m not sure I would if I were you, to be honest. It was a struggle enough for me to read some of the other posts on here due to their length and my laziness. So, you have to measure the risk (waste of time) v. reward (knowledge or perspective gained…or at the very least, entertainment…of the mediocre sort) for yourself and go from there.

Disclaimer 2: A lot of times, I think in songs and movies. Thus, I will likely pull them into my rebuttal. It’s who I am. I’m not sorry. And yes, I pick and choose lyrics that suit my need (we all pick and choose what we want to believe…it’s part of being human). It does not mean I agree with the whole concept of the song or movie. Only the parts from which I draw.

Disclaimer 3: My movie and music preference may be offensive to some. I will do my best to censor this, to the best of my ability (by not hyperlinking to it or giving a forewarning…that way you have to make the conscious effort to look it up). Do not look up—or click on hyperlinks—to music or movie references unless you can stomach potentially offensive material (risqué, foul language, and/or violence, typically). I censor myself only to not discredit what I am saying. Viewer discretion is advised. Your mind may be blown. Your ears explode. Your face melted. Your soul tainted. I take no responsibility for any of this.

Example: a lot of times when I read red pill posts, I hear Strapping Young Lad’s “Love?”:
“I know what I stand for: I stand FOR ME” and “This love is about CONTROL.”
Ah, Devin Townsend…proof that balding can be cool...if you are balding, just rock a skullet.

Disclaimer 4: I agree with Mr. Buddha on a fair portion of what he says (he’s a good man at heart). He’s got very valid points in a lot of instances. However, there are some things he says that are like nails on a chalkboard for me. And I will provide another perspective, as he said. I am not claiming to be right on anything. That being said, do I feel like I’m right? Yes, of course. Otherwise I wouldn’t say it. But humans always believe they are right…right? If they thought they were wrong, they would change their view so that they could be right again. Unless they are oppositional defiant…which…I know I have my tendencies…

Anyway, I’m glad he and I even each other out. The best team is one that can have several different viewpoints and still function well. Why? Because the truth is almost always somewhere in between the two ends of the same spectrum.

Disclaimer 5: Know that this is, indeed, the internet. AnyONE can say anyTHING with limited ramifications and no evidence needed to support their assertions, my own assertions notwithstanding. Notable lyrics: “On the telephone line I am anyone, I am anything I wanna be.” (Savage Garden, “Santa Monica”)

Disclaimer 6: I got carried away. I acknowledge this first and forthright. I'm not even sure I'm addressing the OP half the time. But...well...I don't care. Read it if you want. Don't if you don't. Take breaks if you need them. Grab a refreshment. Have a ball.

Alright. Let’s get this party started.

First, why do women have to be something hunted? Or dominated? Or somehow the enemy? Why not something to be understood? Through communication (Notable lyrics: “To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication”; Tool, “Schism”). Why is communication essential? Because people are different and need/want different things. Just as I differ from Mr. Buddha and he differs from me—in values and logic/reasoning—so two women differ in their needs/wants/values/logic/reasoning. If two males can be different, why can’t females?

People are different. And seek different things. Though everyone is looking for something. Haven’t you heard? Everybody's looking for something *potentially offensive video ahead*



I include this video to show that people can and will deviate from the norm, or what is considered normal. So there is diversity. Period.

Going along with this, I think that RIGHT NOW, somewhere in the world, there is a woman looking for EXACTLY who and what you are…regardless of who or what you are. Why? Diversity. And people seek those like them, typically. Birds of a feather flock together, y’know?

You want someone wealthy? Poor? Extravagant? Frugal? Religious (in good or bad way)? Agnostic/atheist? Intelligent? Ignorant? Virtuous? Morally corroded? Confident? Insecure? Sadist? Masochist? Chubby (for the chubby chasers)? Anorexic? Big city slickers? Small town minded? Misogynistic? Feminist? Polygamist? Monogamist? Open relationship? Closed? ASEXUAL (the very fact that this exists should fly in the face of red pill—or what I know of it)? Different gender identity? The list is endless. And out of the BILLIONS of people on the planet, I’m sure one matches your exact specifications. The complete majesty of the world is its DIVERSITY.

And neuroplasticity is a thing. People change according to their environment. Thus, cultural differences (a strong example, imo).

“Get them young, and the possibilities are endless…”



People are trainable. They change. Their brains and thought patterns CHANGE in accordance to their surroundings and experiences. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Anyway, there is sometimes a “failure to flock” (birds of a feather flock together, right?). If you can’t “find your tribe” (i.e. the people like you), chances are that you simply aren’t looking. Or aren’t looking hard enough. If you can’t find someone (anyone), expand your pool of options (move to a new area, region, country). What I am asserting is this: WITHOUT ANY SELF IMPROVEMENT, YOU COULD FIND SOMEONE…RIGHT NOW.

Some of the women that would snatch you up may not meet your character, age, BMI, physical attractiveness, etc. standards. But there is probably AT LEAST one who does. You can either agree to a relationship with those who want you that don’t meet your standards, or…KEEP LOOKING. There is no female shortage, to my knowledge. There is no need to compete over the same chick. Out of billions, you only need one. The chances are in your favor. Especially with worldwide statistics on loneliness and suicide.

You’re autistic? Disabled? Overweight? Old? Physically deformed? I bet there are female counterparts just like you, or at the very least very similar. Go find your female “character doppelganger.”

Now, it will require resources to do this; I am not ignorant to that fact. Nothing is life is free. It will cost time, money, or both. Or any number of countless other sacrifices.

Where I agree with Buddha: You can improve yourself to improve your chances in the relationship “marketplace.”

With self-improvement, you won’t need to travel as far to get some “bites” when “fishing” in the marketplace. But be careful that they love you for who you are, NOT for some other shallow reason. People are typically drawn to virtue and turned away from vice (though not always…see Marilyn Manson and his fanbase). However, sometimes shallow reasons can draw a person to you while your virtue and character cause them to STAY. People want to be loved for who they are—not how they look or provide.

That being said, nothing in life is free. You can’t expect something for nothing. That’s utter foolishness. You want unconditional love? Go to God, my friend—because humans don’t serve that dish here. At least none that I know. There may be some somewhere. Idk. I haven’t met every person on the planet, so I can’t say.

Most people don’t get things handed to them. It takes EFFORT. So don’t be lazy. Work on yourself and your surroundings. LOOK for partners. Be who you want to be and be willing to work for what you want. To provide value, you have to contribute something, whether that be wealth, knowledge, experience, beauty, etc.

If you have issues finding someone (romantically or otherwise, aka friendship), I am going to assert that…brace yourself…YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. NOT because you are not fine just the way you are. NOT because women/men/people function differently. But because you don’t SEEK a place to belong…or you give up to early. Go for understanding and empathy. Goes a long way, imo. Everyone has a reason to act as they do.



Be true to yourself. If you want to be loved for being who you are and what you believe, you must market accordingly (i.e. demonstrate who and what you are to the world…you can and will be rejected by some and accepted by others). What people prioritize is what they will pursue.

From one of the best movies ever made:



Be thick skinned. People will laugh at you:



And take no crap off nobody:



Now a word from a true man among men. It took me a while to recognize him for what he was, as he was not in my typical genre of anything.

"I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger. I like you just the way you are. And what’s more, I'm so grateful to you for helping the children in your life to know that you’ll do everything you can to keep them safe. And to help them express their feelings in ways that will bring healing in many different neighborhoods." –Mr. Rogers





Oh, wait. The last one may be made up. But goes with the don’t take crap off anyone theme. Even if my view seems effeminate or weak—don’t mistake kindness for weakness.

I have no sympathy for people who don’t try to improve their situation.

“To those human beings who are of any concern to me, I wish suffering, desolation, sickness, ill-treatment, indignities—I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, the wretchedness of the vanquished: I have no pity for them, because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not—that one endures.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, The Will to Power
Also, AFI’s “I Hope You Suffer”

Or are straight up obstinate:


Though there is a draw to those who play hard to get….

But, in my opinion, it’s usually just an unwillingness for decent men to search for quality women:
See the Fear of Approaching Women section: http://www.rebtnetwork.org/ask/may06.html
Summary: If you seek, you will find. Most likely, anyway.

Believe in yourself. Oh, and humor goes a long way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URQ4gkcySyE

Now, depressed me time:
You can be relatively successful, relatively attractive, have a respectable net worth with respectable intelligence, live in a safe neighborhood, friends to do stuff with, etc. BUT if you don’t feel WORTHY of love…well…good luck finding it and having it stick. No one wants added insecurity to their lives. So, a lot of the benefits of self-improvement, in my opinion, are simply to get you to feel like you deserve love. Any love. I have my own idiosyncrasies; I am my own eclectic bag of worms. I have plenty of friends who would do stuff with me if I WOULD JUST F**KING ASK. You can have anything and everything, and nothing matters if you don’t feel like you’re enough. So self-improvement in itself is a double-edged sword is what I’m getting at. If you don’t meet your own standards, it’s hard to feel worthy of standards set by others, no matter how low they are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By7ctqcWxyM

Anyway, I agree with OP that romantic relationships should be formed on the foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and love. Life isn’t about sex or even romantic relationships. Not all women or all men want sex. And there is a wide array of sex drives (also flies in the face of red pill). People stick by their mates even in spite of no sexual contact in some instances. What keeps people together? You have to answer that for yourself.

Find someone you can love even if he or she does not want sex.
The beauty of NF is the realization that sex and orgasm are not the end all be all. If I cut your nads off, does that make you less of a man? Less of a human? I would argue no, though I’m sure some would argue yes.
Your body craves sex and PMO, sure. We all crave comfort and pleasure. But it is a want, not a need. And yes, I know this goes against Maslow.

Red pill looks at a small subset of the population (likely physically attractive young adults). To ignore the diversity of the world is a shame. There are various communities of random and obscure interests and people with crazy, off the wall notions (myself included). Find your passion and find your tribe.

You know what people truly want? Familiarity and understanding. To be accepted. They want someone similar to them. They want stability. They want to be pursued—not in a clingy way but a “you’re worth my time and effort” kind of way. They want to be around someone who is happy, not neurotic. I mean…I feel like you know this…the same thing YOU want as a human. Go out and find it.

What drives me nuts about red pill is the cookie cutter, one size fits all approach to women. Diversity and individual difference demand otherwise. The world is EXTRAORDINARILY diverse. But I belabor my point.

Oh, boy…getting tired of reading yet? Gosh. I’m tired of writing.

There is sometimes great inequality in love, as well as unrequited love. Find someone else. Time and effort are required in all relationships. You won’t know until you TRY (OP is correct). Time is not on your side (even less so for us old farts). If a relationship is something you desire to have, go forth and work for it. Don’t let fear or laziness stop you. Idleness never did anyone any good (unless it does…stocks maybe…crypto…idk…I’m sure there are exceptions, as with everything). The only “wasted time” is time not spent looking. Or straight up being unproductive (like writing super long posts on NF…damn it, Buddha, you haunt my dreams sometimes…). Inaction is worse than any potential negative outcome. Why? Because our imaginations eat us alive…and we can more easily work through actual trauma that happened than trauma that hasn’t even happened (IMO) but could happen. “I don’t know what to do” is an excuse. Get out there and learn what works and what doesn’t. Hop to it and start dating. If you get burned, don’t let your “love turn to hate” (Metallica, “Harvester of Sorrow”). Heartbreak always sucks. Getting attached to ANYONE (man, woman, or otherwise…I’m looking at you, pets) and then losing that attachment SUCKS. For both parties, but typically more for the one being dumped. (Cold, “Stupid Girl”).

After all this, I want to say I still like and respect Mr. Buddha. His intentions are good and he wants to help. I clearly don’t agree with all his advice, but that’s the beauty of diversity, no? I don’t think men and women are the same. That would be ignorant and stupid. I concede to subtle differences. But yes, I believe humans are equal in value and worth. And there is inherent potential in all. So if that’s the crux, I guess I don’t put women on any higher pedestal than a man. Women as gazelles and men as lions? I feel like that puts them on the very pedestal you claim not to do, friend. A trophy to be hunted and won.

I don’t think a man should have to support a woman (you can’t tell me you’ve never seen an unemployed man with an employed woman). I think a man should WANT to. Just like a woman should. Both parties need to be trying to make the relationship work, otherwise it’s doomed to fail. Each party should be a willing servant, not a slave. Serve each other. If this balance is out of whack, it’s likely not a healthy relationship (unless you’re into that sort of thing…no judgment here). Women aren’t princesses. Men aren’t kings. We are not “special snowflakes.” We are “the all-seeing, all-dancing crap of the world.” (bonus points if you get the reference; it’s got alpha overtones and a man club…it should probably be mandatory viewing for any red pill dude).

And no, I’m not going to waste my time on women who play hard to get or are manipulative in their nature. But not all women are. I don’t want an alpha female any more than I want to be an alpha male.

Again, I say this with the upmost respect. It’s the points in which I agree with Mr. Buddha that allows my continued respect and response to his posts. If I felt like he was totally off base, I wouldn’t even respond. Or if I did, it would be supper flippant and short. Why waste my time, y’know? But I think he is intelligent, humanitarian, and idk…relatively stimulating intellectually, I suppose. Good head and good heart (I enjoy contributing to his positivity and encouragement. Or just reading it). Good intentions. Off base at times (imo), but good intentions. He’s my homeboy, and I’m tempted to change my profile pic to me wearing a crucifix so that we can both be interesting and intriguing contradictions to our own respective religious traditions. But I highly doubt we’re the only anomalies.

In the end…well, we’re all people. We’re all in this together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwwK7NmfF9w

In the end, you don’t need to choose a side. (Marilyn Manson, “Irresponsible Hate Anthem”)
Make your own kind of music. (Mamas & Papas, “Make Your Own Kind of Music”)
Don’t be afraid to walk the world alone. (MCR, “Famous Last Words”)

But I’m likely insane. *insert just about any metal song here…I’m partial to “Ariels” by SOAD, or “Loco” by Coal Chamber*. But even if I am insane, there has to be a group of like-minded, abnormal psychology peeps just like me somewhere out in the world. And I’ll clan with them.

The more I learn, the less I know. It’s a large world full of information…I’ll probably be a fool for life. Stay, thirsty, my friends. Thirsty for knowledge.

Alright. I gotta spend less time on this site. Takes away from time I could spend doing other things. And takes up my headspace. I don’t monologue often because it’s time consuming. It takes away from other obligations. Like working towards some sort of self worth, lol.

Peace and love, y’all. I know you don’t need my permission, but…”It’s time to live, my friends.” (Miss May I, “Found Our Way”).

TL;DR: Go out and experience life and form your own conclusions. Chances are that there is no answer. We accept and reject constructs in ways that help us survive, or cope with the world. Commentaries can be useful guides that point you in a potentially useful direction. Not always though. There’s almost always vested interests. And a book won’t save your life. It is written by a human, and humans are notoriously flawed. However, I will concede that it may help shape your thought patterns. But you have to ACT on knowledge for it to be worthwhile. So act. Life is a cruel teacher, but it is a teacher nonetheless. YOU have the final say in what is true for you and what is not. Find what works and what doesn’t. Oh, and don’t be a manipulative sh*t.

Everyone is tempted by forbidden fruit, men and women alike. Find someone who doesn’t act on the temptation and who suffers well. How do you know? By spending time with the person, be it friendship or dating. Don’t be hurt if the first few rip your heart out. Humans are resilient. Find someone as unique as you.
Don’t take pennies for silver (Fear and the Nervous System, “Choking Victim”)

The best you can do is find like-minded individuals so you don’t get your gears ground every time there’s a confrontation or dispute. The more you are similar to him/her, the less likely they will be constant sources of contention.

Self-loathing and self-sabotage are things. Watch for them. Life bites. Bite back.

Trick is not to care what other people think. Do your own thing. And look for those it may attract. There will likely be some who are interested in what you are presenting. Keep an eye out. The only way you lose anything is if you give up (even if you’re wrong...I should know firsthand, right Buddha? Lol, you know I'm just goading you, right?).

All I know is…well…I bleed blue. Do you? (see what I did there?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw4gpy1BweM

And you guessed it: BB4L!!!

 

I tried to change my pic, Buddha. I gotta figure out how to resize it apparently...

 

The difference between you and your friends aproach is, that they will get lots of very nice girls and you will get zero.

You are a invisible nice guy.

They are Chads who dont give a F.

All girls want the latter. Thats just the nature of reality.

It will change, when these gurls turn to woman who need to get pregnant soon and get a caring man to help em thru the times after this.

Than its your turn. Get this old woman, thoroughly used by decades of sleeping with Chad. Make her pregnant, pay all the expenses. What happens than, few years later? She either divorces u and takes your money and kids. Or stays with u but bangs Chad in your bed, while u are at work.

Thats the destiny of a nice guy who cares deeply. Dont be a nice guy

 

BS he can bang older (35 to 45) ladies the whole time. When he is 40, if he is accomplished he can get those 18-25yo hotties.

 

Good luck, man. I wish you well.