The myth of "rewiring"

Personal experience

 

I don't think that's necessarily true. I mean if all you do is stop PMO and instead go have a bunch of sex, I don't see how that will fix your problem. But when sex with a partner is done in conjuction with other things to help you, I think it can be an asset to you.

 

First of all- @clapas thanks for starting this thread as looks like it takes on some important yet tricky topic!

Addiction is term typically associated with overusing something in auto destructive manner-yet as you’ve pointed out eliminating PM but continuing real sex will result in further addiction enforcement-if by addiction we assume “drug of sex”-totally agree with that BUT there is one logic twist.

Sex being natural part of human evolution is deeply rooted into our nature, as it is case also for other breeding creatures. Our brain is developed in a way supporting that drive-problem appears when going into extremes (i.e. having tons of random partners, but also artificial stimulation).
Human body will try adapt to any environment so it can be possible to live without sex or even going hermit style (no relationships at all or even human contact)-but only because we are able to adapt-is it truly healthy?

I am totally for middle way-by which in sexual context I understand no PM with full rewire (only real sex with limited amount of partners-preferably one).
Reason behind it, regardless of health, is that keeping your life as close as nature designed is the most certain way to maintain long term happiness-health itself is good, but even if science confirms that total abstinence is healthier than any form of sex life (which would be very surprising based on what I read till now) still your family, partner and mentioned sex life can give you lots of positive emotions and satisfaction.
Deciding that one will never have sex is like saying “I will eat only herbs and food 100% made/collected by myself”-it will be hard to maintain, at some point can give you huge satisfaction but it can cause you ton of suffering too-and easy leave you “malnourished” if done not properly.

Wishing All Perfect Day!

 

What do you mean? Rewiring is a real thing. It's just not in the way most people on here think it is. I'm not rewiring just to quit PMO because that would be wholly unproductive, I'm rewiring my brain to create good habits instead of bad ones. People who think just sitting around and trying to not give in will do them anything are wrong. Rewiring includes actual hard work, and replacing the core desire to do a bad habit with the core desire to do a good one.

 

I think abstinence is easy for me when I'm actually doing things with my life. During my longer streaks, it was hard work to create habits to override the bad ones.

 

I would agree. If you're out of the initial stages and you're finding it difficult I would see that as a warning sign something is amiss.

 

I agree, but it's difficult to know exactly what "natural" is for humans. For most of human history I would say that raw survival was the norm. I don't think there was constant fucking going on. And I don't think that in a traditional hunter-gatherer life people were always thinking about sex. It was just one part of existence.
I think the natural way was to use the sex act for species survival more than anything.

 

Yep, I would say sex with limited amount of partners has been crucial part of species survival & as such certainly rooted into “natural” approach-but as evolution hasn’t got opportunity with adapting to fast internet, tv and all other inventions younger than equivalent to-as bare minimum-couple human generations we are the ones who need to put it in proper place. I myself treat technology as huge blessing, but as everything else in life requires proper handling and moderation-I mean even life giving water can harm you if overused so why flashing pixels triggering urge & messing up your reward system would be different!

As species survival is not exactly same as human as individual survival we probably can survive without sex, same thing for curiosity or maintaining healthy relationships-but as it is not good from evolutionary standpoint our body will make us suffer for that i.e. hurting our psyche. Still at the end all of us are different and that’s totally fine too-there never will be “one size fits all” advice. Take care, wishing you lucky Monday!

 

Both things I agree.

What I think the post was about is what I can agree on to a certain extent.

When you first start nofap, you are likely going to be used to fapping atleast 1-2 times a day and be extremely addicted not being able to go without fapping for more than a day.

The truth that I have found to be true is that until you reach your first 2-3 month streak, you should stay away from all forms of (intentional) sexual arousal, including sex.

You want to wash away the chase for lust and the passion of getting off until you pretty much go weeks without thinking of fapping, and you can control your sexuality.

Also, other than getting rid of the sexual lustful addict thinking with the addiction by abstaining from everything, you should stay away from p, m and o and sex also so that your body can absorb the nutrients you lost during your period of time that your body has been drained from constant release. let your body heal by retaining your semen as well.

then, after 60-90 days of rebooting, i'd say go for it, have sex. look for partners.

thats just how i do it. imo its the only way.

 

What is does is de escalate the situation .

Porn stimulates the sex drive . NoFap reduces it at some point

It is exactly what people need who are heavily fixated on it and are unable to stop

Call it what you want . It's a step in the right direction if porn is nothing but a problem and chronic shit spiral . Then it will put a halt until your mind adapts without .

If you are in a relationship and you want to be in a porn free relationship you and your partner . That is usually the goal . But you would be deescalting from porn and focusing on your relationship

 

You probably healed by now??

 

It's true it is largely a metaphor and scientists don't even fully know how it works in detail, but it also depends on how you understand it. People go into it thinking literally will be disappointed, as if just abstinence for enough time will fix all sorts of mental health issues and result in a long laundry list of 'benefits'.

But what you're talking about is a common, superficial understanding/belief, deceit implies trying to convince someone something that is not true. I think it's basically a situation of misunderstanding.

Realistically I think we can characterize it as the wiring for the conditioning fading, and if there's a rewiring then you need to do other things per the neurons that fire together wire together principle. People in serious addiction recovery don't just sit around counting days.

The once an addict always an addict position depends on the understanding and intention for saying it. Honesty is one thing, but it's possible for it to become an affirmation which can feel better because it helps make sense in interpreting our experience, but if anyone is thinking clearly and not just black and white then maybe it's a question of to what degree. Even if the conditioning is mostly there for a person, if it's a extra 10% free will someone go for it or just consider that insignificant?

And if it's not just a matter of what abstinent time can do it depends on what else people do, maybe people would be able to believe in a new medication more readily even though they are not in a position to understand the details, that would be interesting from a perspective of substance addiction.

 

Thanks for giving me yet another reason to read/listen to that book. I have been exactly at that point, my first streak was almost three years but suddenly I slipped - 16 months ago. What has followed has been a period with only short streaks, the longest one at 54 days. The main problem I have been battling with is to have a solid reason why I should quit. During my three year streak, as the urges faded away, so did my reasons.

Do you have any spoiler about what is being said about this in ybop?